I am a horrible snob

[Iamameangirl]

I feel so bad about myself, its pathetic really. I grew up on a pretty grim council estate just outside glasgow and we were poor, my father was in and out of work thourgh the 80's and we had bugger all. I hated it, I was a bit of an odd one out at school I was quiet and read a lot but I disliked my scummy surroundings and desperately wanted all the trappings of a middle class life like piano lessons, ballet lessons, pony school, books, nice food and holidays. I didn't really know anyone like that (only in books) but I knew it was out there and I wanted a slice of it.

I worked hard at school and went and got into university, got my degree and my post grad. I was very fussy about who I dated I never wanted the bad boy or the slacker I like the careful, sensible reliable guys the engineers and the math students. I tended to date guys from more middle class backgrounds but when I fell in love it was with a man from a poorer background like myself but he was an engineer and he too wanted a better life than what he grew up with.

We have done well we have a lovely house in a good area, nice cars, I am finally taking piano lessons. But god I am such a snooty, snobby cow! I occasionally meet up with some girls I was at high school with and secretly I get a boost out of comparing my life with theirs. They are all fairly chavvy, multiple kids to different men, tattoos, obese, eating rubbish, working in the supermarket etc They were the cool girls at school, while I was the weirdo.

In other ways too at the supermarket I look at what people are buying and I feel superior when I see the ready meals, bottles of booze and junk food in their trolly. I take pride in all the healthy quality things I buy, ingredients for healthy homecooked meals, of course I also grow my own veg and herbs. I look at what people read and what films and music they listen to and I judge away looking down my nose at them and feel smug about the quality, high brow culture I consume.

I'm kind of horrified at myself, I know I still have hang ups about my background, nearly all my friends were privately educated and I do feel inferior to them at times as they have such in built confidence.

I like what I have achieved but I hate being so mean spirited about it all. However a pretty specific issue so not sure if there will be much advice but how do I get over myself?

[Owllady]

:o

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

Personal attacks aren't allowed Owllady

[Owllady]

Yes, I quite enjoyed it. I don't understand why wordfactory got deleted for thinking I was middle class though :o

[squizita]

Pacific yep, it must have backfired when everyone started having a serious sociological and semantic debate.

Epic win for the non-trolls.

[PacificDogwood]

MNHQ/Tech can figure it out behind the scenes

[Rochiana54]

How do you know the person was a troll?

[PacificDogwood]

I think she/he was hoping for more of a bunfight

I really enjoyed this thread and thought it was v thought-provoking.

[Owllady]

Some people must be so bored. I mean WHY would you start a thread like this for fun. It's just bizarre

[JugglingFromHereToThere]

I suspected as much

< taps nose or summat >

Still, as Pink says, an interesting discussion

[SuperFlyHigh]

ha so a troll. well I stand by what I said!

[usuallysuspect]

I've learned that there are indeed some horrible snobs on MN.

[PinkSquash]

Some interesting points have been made on this thread, I've learned something

[littlegreengloworm]

Hmmmm... After reading all that

My SIL is very insecure and judgy, it's not a bask thing to be ambitious but she can't cover up her spiteful thoughts.

Be nice to people on your way up, you may need them on your way down.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

yeah.

[PacificDogwood]

Why do I have a sense of totally underwhelmed non-surprise?

'Twas a v interesting discussion though

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Hi all, just to be clear, it would appear that this user was not all he or she seemed.

[SuperFlyHigh]

wow Juno so we have to put up with this crap from a random person. this woman needs a wakeup call as to what an extremely unpleasant person she is and she needs (if she so wants to do so) to address it.

I bet her chav friends if they really knew what she thought of them would be appalled and sorry to say this but I look down on people who look down on me - especially my shopping habits!

[ProfessorDent]

I feel an Alan Bennett talking head coming on.

[noddyholder]

My mother did this too and she has ended up very lonely

[custardadia]

My mum had a shitty upbringing and similarly to the op craved a middle class life. She married someone from a privileged background and worked really hard to better herself - thing is she wasn't happy - it was only when she could really come to terms with what happened in her childhood and accept that it was part of her story that she's really content and doesn't give a stuff what others think.

Op, I wonder if you need to address your past? You seem ashamed and you shouldn't be. Do you actually really like the things you do now? Or is your taste based around what things/ behaviour etc mean and signify to yourself and others? If it's the latter I imagine that your identity must feel quite fragile and yes, the fear of being judged as you are judging others can't be much fun.

[noddyholder]

I think you can be grateful for what you have and proud etc without insulting others that you consider aren't as fortunate. You also need to bear in mind that they are probably not that envious of you so you are wasting energy in many ways and should concentrate on enjoying your good fortune and sharing it with others

[Juno321]

I think some people are being extremely rude.

OP you have clearly wanted the lifestyle you have achieved for so long, it's only natural to never want to live like that again. Sounds like you have worked very hard for what you have, some people have it handed to them on a plate!

As long as you don't voice your inner snob you're fine, we're all humans, we ALL judge, compare ourselves to others etc.

Some people clearly think they are perfect on here

[noddyholder]

Eh? I am talking people in general I think all her 'friends' probably see right through her. You don't know me and say I like to keep the working classes in their place? Do you realise how daft that sounds

[squizita]

But this takes time. You have to try each one on for size. Sometimes the process is painful. Rejecting an aspect of ones old culture, particularly an aspect to which all your old comrades cleve, is doubly painful.

This is where the OP is at IMVHO.

Yes I absolutely agree.

I made the pleasure point based on tone and turns of phrase e.g. "I look at what people read and what films and music they listen to and I judge away looking down my nose at them and feel smug about the quality, high brow culture I consume." - it sounds quite staid and rehearsed e.g. high brow culture is the right one to 'consume'. Now, if I went back to school and wrote an essay i might say 'consume' but it just sounds so formal and learned, it gives me the impression it's formal and learned behaviour. Perhaps I am over reading.

Like, if I say (thinking about the higher brown stuff I like) "Sometimes I really like to go look at photography exhibitions, it's much nicer seeing them framed on the wall than staring at them on a screen - but my mates who google-image everything on their phone think I'm nuts, oh well" it sounds different to "I am a consumer of the photographic arts, as opposed to those who do a quick google search, philistines".
Maybe similar to the tonal difference you point out between "Ooh I eat KFC as well as chicken Wagamama, it's so naughty because I'm a respectable lady normally " and "I love chicken... chicken curry, roast chicken, KFC, chicken salad...mmmm".

[Verity87]

But I think people can tell when you look down on them even if you don't express it.