Cheating partners..... What did you miss?

[Melodygrace]

Ok I know the usual signs of cheating losing weight, out longer hours, possessive over phone etc....
I was wondering if you have been cheated on what other things did they do that made you suspicious ? When you confronted them is there any advice you would give now things to do what not to do. Basically anything that could help.
Has anyone confronted a man or woman and they have told the truth? Is there any point confronting with no solid evidence? Has anyone had that 'gut feeling' and been wrong? How have you caught them out? Sorry for all the rambling....

[DickCrack]

Forgot another one, the sudden friendship with a recently separated school dad. Obviously getting some tips.

[QueMierda]

DH had cheated alot, mostly ONS. So went mostly undetected. The EA, hysterical bonding with phone etc only started when he fell for one of the girls.
I wonder how easy it must be for them the 'hook up' with a prostitute for an hour after work then stroll breezily home, with us none the wiser?

[whostolethesocks]

Haven't had time to read the whole thread but the phone was always on silent/vibrate and face down or glued to him, he stayed up late when I went to bed, always on the laptop in a position where I couldn't see what he was doing. I found confirmation by accident though as a previous poster did and then pieced everything together. Even then he minimised it - we're just friends, I'm helping her with you marriage problems, etc ....the usual script I've since found out by various posts on here.

[RedRoom]

Oh, and on the day I found out he was cheating, we went out with friends and he publicly accused me of flirting with my male hairdresser. He had been emailing and sexting over 20 different women, but had the audacity to try and project his disgusting behaviour onto me.

Strange new phone behaviour coupled with accusations that you are the one cheating / protests of 'are you calling me a liar?' should ring alarm bells!

[RedRoom]

All of my warning signs were blissfully ignored by a trusting me for two years, until I pieced them all together after finding undeniable email evidence totally by accident.

Staying out late with friends I'd never heard of, uncontactable - once until 4am.

Being self-employed, business seeming to be picking up massively so always taking work calls and on business visits...but the household income not increasing at all.

Getting texts but only reading them/ replying to them when I wasn't right next to him. At the time, he'd quickly check then say it was about work and nothing important.

Setting up a second email account and making a big deal of leaving the first one open. Didn't think anything of it at the time, but it screamed of 'look- I'm faithful, honest!'

Never leaving the phone anywhere without a pin on.

Getting drunk and oddly emotional about how much he realised he loved me.

[DickCrack]

The strange change in sleeping habits. Falling asleep in chair every night at 9. Then sitting up late, to send his dirty texts. Clinging to the edge of the mattress if he came to bed at all. Phone always dead, battery problems allegedly. Causing rows, being unpleasant, thinking I had evil motivations behind everything I said and did and voicing it. Refusing any intimacy. No interest in sex. No interest in me. Claiming to be ill all the time, upset stomach, presumably so he could go to toilet repeatedly and text. Sitting apart from me. Needing to go out all the time, obv to make phone calls. God so much, I was stupid not to notice for so long.
This thread has helped remind me of the crap I was putting up with, I'm so much better off without him.

[stargirl04]

Mine was always "working late", was suddenly away frequently at weekends visiting his mate "Wes", and he developed mentionitis - in that a woman called "Jackie" was mentioned often in conversation.

He was grumpy and sullen at home and suddenly didn't like items of clothing that I wore, which previously he'd liked. Nothing I did was right.

I confronted him and he looked me right in the eye and denied it. My own sister even knew but never told me until years after we'd split.

About two months after I'd ended the relationship, he came to see me, stood on my doorstep and begged me - with tears streaming down his face - to come back to him, saying I was the love of his life. I said No.

How did he react? He went on holiday with Jackie, mentionitis woman, and they were married soon after - within weeks. They are now divorced.

[LuluJakey1]

Gave me a list of phone numbers so I knew where he was when he was away overnight on business- 'bout 12 years ago when not everyone had mobile phones. Always rang me for a nice chat - so I never needed to ring the place to speak to him.
One day was doing the washing when I thought I might as well do his rugby kit. Found Estate Agent details for rented houses in town 30 miles away where his secretary came from! Turned out e was shagging her, she was leaving husband and he was go g to rent her a house and stay with me but continue the affair. I kicked him out. When it all came out I started to track back through the lies and check up. Not a single one of the phone numbers he had written up was right. He had changed a digit in every single one- such an easy mistake to make! Bastard. Was so well rid of him although didn't think so at time.

[CurtWild]

Ah yes..the pretending to fall asleep early on the sofa. I forgot that one. It was his way of not having to engage with me much, and also a way of getting me to go to bed early so he could text her.
"Are you calling me a liar?" I heard that one a fee times to. To start with I'd be flustered and upset but one day I looked him in the eye and said "too bloody righy I am.." He didn't like that one bit, it showed him the blinkers were falling from my eyes and I suddenly had a measure of him.

[Pinkballoon]

Kentishgirl
That's just brought back memories - the pretending to fall asleep on the sofa at 9pm! Suppose it is to get out of discussions and to see you get off to bed early so that they can sit downstairs texting. :(

[kentishgirl]

I knew deep down and there were so many warning signs and odd things happening. But anytime I asked about them he'd come up with some stupid convoluted explanation for them that didn't convince me in the slightest but would he would insist on - and then get really angry with me for asking and not trusting him. I had 'are you calling me a liar??!!!' yelled at me a few times. But I couldn't quite pin down definite proof and with 10 years behind us I suppose I was torn; I didn't believe him, yet at the same time I couldn't believe he'd be doing this to me. I was also being stubborn. I should have left but I didn't want him to come out looking like the innocent party and me looking like the mad paranoid woman he was trying to paint me as.

Some of the signs
Receiving phone calls where his face would light up with delight and he'd then go off to another room to talk. He'd tell me it was one of his kids phoning. I couldn't drag his kids into it by phoning them back to find out if it were true or not.
Weekends and evenings away for work - this was a tricky one as he did genuinely have to travel and work odd hours for work all through the 10 years. But it increased. And a lot of it was suddenly last-minute.
Odd expenses that he'd come up with ludicrous explanations for.
His friends/family members developed a lot of problems he had to go visit them alone to discuss/help them with, no, I couldn't come as well.
Generally not wanting to spend time with me, look at me, talk to me. He used to sit on the sofa pretending to have fallen asleep at 9pm every night. I knew he was pretending.

[HeyBungalowBill]

Thank god he dropped his phone and you thought to look! Serves him right

Being accused of cheating is definitely a big red flag when it comes to cheating! They panic you're as much of a bastard as they are!

[CaptainAmericaMmmYesPlease]

HeyBungalowBill it was awful but bloody hell, his face was a picture! I can see it now and it's making me .

Thing is I wasn't expecting to find anything, he's a fb obsessive but always maintained it was just regular or jokey chat so idiot here believed him. So by grabbing my perfectly innocent phone, he dropped himself in the shit. Oh, the irony!

[HeyBungalowBill]

Dinnae - he moved in with ow and her husband?! Did the husband not know about them or something or were they separated?

[Dinnaeknowshitfromclay]

It was the phone with my ex. It was in my name but didn't have an itemised account in those days. The bill went from £10 to £20 a month to £150 and I could get it itemised for a pound so did so. It was all there then. He denied it then blamed me then buggered off to move in with her and her husband. He tried moving her in to our house then and it all went mental from there but that would be a whole different thread episode of Jeremy Kyle!

[LuluJakey1]

Gave me crabs and I believed him when he said he must have caught them in a rugby changing room.

[HeyBungalowBill]

Captain - as awful as that situation is it's also so so good
He was there trying to accuse you then BAM he's in the shit bet he was gutted. What an idiot!!!

[CaptainAmericaMmmYesPlease]

The only time I looked at my ex's phone was when he accused me of cheating (I wasn't), he grabbed my phone and locked himself in the bathroom with it. I didn't care,.I wasn't cheating and had nothing to hide on it. Daft bugger dropped his phone in the process so I thought what's good for the goose...
He had a passlock on which I disabled easily (no passlock on mine btw), and it only took a quick glance at his fb messages and texts to see he was flirting, arranging hook ups etc. His face when he came out of the bathroom with my innocent phone and saw me there with his all unlocked and full of sleaze..My stomach was churning and I was shaking but if I'd had a camera, his expression was pure bricking it!
His first words were "I know how it looks but you're wrong.."
Errr..no, I'm not.

[TequilaMockingbirdy]

Grass stains on his jeans.

[Pinkballoon]

Usually when they're drunk or sleeping heavily are the only times you'll be able to part them from their phone. Most normal people would just leave their phones hanging about unlocked. But remember that there could be multiple phones (car boot and glove compartment usually.) So then its a case of also being able to get hold of car keys too……….

[QuiteSo]

I was advised on Mumsnet to check my husband's phone when I had some concerns about his behaviour. I didn't check because I couldn't imagine he'd be doing anything untoward and I think privacy is important.

Eventually I checked his phone. He'd been having a full blown affair for six months. I bloody wish I'd checked earlier.

[camtt]

I think change of phone behaviour seems to be a major giveaway but for mine, as pp mentioned, being glued to phone and having pass codes was normal so I thought nothing of it. Felt all the more betrayed and humiliated when I found my trust had been abused and he'd been able to carry on the relationship in plain view and in my presence. Wish I'd been more suspicious, I could have found out more before all evidence was swiftly removed after I did by chance find a string of messages.

[IrianofWay]

It was the very fact that I felt the need to check his phone that indicated to me something really was going on. I had never even thought of doing it before that. I agree that if I was always checking his phone and assuming he was up to something when he wasn't, he would have the right to feel insulted and annoyed. When I did actually check it he was too surprised (not to mention scared shitless!) to even think about being angry.