Husband changing job - childcare crisis

[krasnayaplats]

My husband is taking a job out of town. He will require to live away most of the time, and even if he can get home, he will have to leave before 7am and not return until late. I cannot criticise him. For reasons I can’t explain in detail, this is not an offer he can refuse.

I have worked very hard for many years to be where I am professionally. I am self employed. Three to six times a month I need to be out of the house before 8 (sometimes before 6, maybe two-four times a year) and not back till late, or at least till after nursery closes. We have a two year old. Up till now we have been able to shuffle things around so that there is always one of us to do the pickups and drop offs, and to pick her up if she is ill. We have had a bad experience with a nanny, and I would not rely on one again for FT care. More important, our DD enjoys nursery – it is a really lovely nursery – and I believe she benefits from her experiences there.

I am struggling to think how I can arrange childcare to allow me to work. If I don't work, I basically have wasted the last 20 years of my life. Do I have to pay for someone to be there at 7am even on the (majority of) days that I don’t need that cover? Would anyone who I would trust actually want a job where the hours were 7am to 9am and 5.30pm till 7, or 8? Does anyone have any experience of childcare arrangements like this?

I cannot give up the things that need the early starts – they are a really important part of my work. I cannot move with my husband. My two older children’s dad lives nearby, and I cannot leave them, or ask them to move with me and have less time with their dad. Their dad and I share care more or less equally.

What can I do? I am also really distressed by the prospect of not having my best friend to talk to. I just feel sad. I don’t have family nearby. I know that everytime something goes wrong with childcare – dd is ill, or, if I can get wraparound, the carer doesn’t show, I will take the hit, not him, whereas we have shared the risk till now. Thank you for listening.

[scottishmummy]

You need someone with flexibility who'll meet your needs,eg student,fellow mum
Think about your network of contacts,or source an agency.if you pay someone do it
This needs adequate planning,its not insurmountable.so good luck

[Thurlow]

It's easy to feel overwhelmed by it all before you start looking. But loads of great advice here. I would write down all the suggestions and think each one through calmly. There might be another mum who will help out in return for favours or even if they need a bit extra cash, or a childcare student who would love the experience. Personally I'd go for a mother's help if you could afford it, then you could have the extra help around the house as well while your own your own.

[OnIlkelyMoorBahtat]

OP, just out of interest, what are your husband's suggested solutions to this change in childcare that his new job will create?

[krasnayaplats]

Thank you for all the messages. I will have to go for something that involves payment instead of swapping favours, as I don't think I could put hand on heart and say I would regularly be able to do much reciprocating. I don't have strong links with other parents of young children, perhaps because I am a bit older, and haven't done baby groups etc with no 3! onilkeley, DH has started consulting agencies about what they might be able to offer - I was quite firm he had to do something towards the searching. If we give them enough notice, they should be more able to supply the same person, which might work. Other option is along the lines of mothers help. We have someone at the moment who covers some after school with the older children, and we are trying to see if she would do the additional hours, so a few avenues being pursued. Thanks for all the help and support.