how much does your partner support you emotionally?

[bucketsofmoonbeams]

Just that, really.

My DH is a good man in many respects - brilliant with the kids, treats me well, good on a 'practical' level. We have three children and have been through a lot together.

But increasingly I feel like he often doesn't 'get' me, or actually, can't really be bothered to.

I've been through a very stressful time recently for various reasons, and it makes me feel better to talk things over. I have good friends, thank god. Because if I ever attempt to suggest I'm anything slightly other than happy and capable, Dh accuses me of 'moaning', or 'complaining' or 'being a victim'. I'm really not: I'm pretty tough, actually. If he's had a crappy day at work, or something is bothering him, I will happily listen and offer support. I don't get the same back.

He's supportive in other ways I guess, but I'm not sure it's good enough, really. Just wondering if there are any others in this position? Anyone else think 'right, better talk to my best mate then...' if anything is troubling them, rather than their husband?

[GingerMaman]

Not much at all to be honest. I tend to talk to my sisters who are much more understanding, supportive and to be honest, just willing to listen and 'get me'.

[RandomMess]

I big issue for me is that I don't have any family and I struggle to open up to people so when dh withdrew he knew/knows I don't have anyone else. It truly made me very very mentally unwell, which he could see, he kept saying there was nothing wrong with him so I thought it was all my imagination.

So now the crises is over and I'm much better again I am being more open with friends and told them what has been going on but that means criticising my h and effectively running him down which I hate doing. I can't stand the fakeness of our day to day life, "let's pretend all is fine"

Honestly I'm just not sure which is worst for the dc, if we stay together or part.

[Russianfudge]

My husband was good with this, the appalling through his midlife crisis, and is now better than ever.

I think it is normal to have a handful of female friends whom you turn to for a variety of opinion and different approaches. Women do this very well for each other. But, even though your husband may not have the best advice, you should feel listened to and supported.
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[DumSpiroSpero]

Mine is utterly useless in this department 98% of the time.

Short of family deaths, RTAs and redundancy he is completely detached - I generally don't even bother talking to him about this kind of thing anymore.

As far as he's concerned

If it hasn't happened yet - there's no need to think/worry about it

If it's already happened and you can't do anything about it, there's no point getting upset.

If it's happening and it's anything less than death, serious physical illness, car accident or major loss of income, I can worry about it but there's no point involving him as he cannot/will not express an opinion.

All deeply helpful to me as a sufferer of depression and anxiety .