I have lived with my dh for over 18 years and been married 6 years. Currently times are hard due to dh being out of work for over 7 months. I don't know if that is the reason, but I think my marriage is almost over.
I have no intention of leaving until dd is older, this is my second marriage and my two older children suffered after my first divorce, I can't put my youngest through that too. Dh and I are civil and friendly, but I don't want the rest of my life to be like this.
Obviously at the moment we have no money, so are unable to do much. But even when we did have money, dh never got involved in excursions at all. I had to come up with any ideas for going out, he would rather sit in front of the tv. He's never played with dd without encouragement, has to be asked to take her with him when he goes somewhere, and seems to think I ask too much, does little at all without being asked. It's as if everything is my responsibility, but he'll help if I ask him to do something.
He hates reality tv, so we watch American dramas that he wants to watch all the time, with me mn'ing on my phone if I get bored. If I want to watch something he will read instead of going in the other room to watch something of his own.
I don't get any time to myself. I have no friends to go out with. I would love a holiday on my own when we have money again, but cannot imagine him coping on his own. I have been away once for 3 days to visit eldest dd, but felt he was doing me a huge favour.
I rarely feel attraction to him. Often find him unkempt and a bit unwashed (and smelly). I do think at the moment he is struggling because of being out of work and am being understanding and supportive and not showing any of the things mentioned above. I know I married him to be with him in sickness and in health etc etc, but do I now accept this is my life? I have watched him try to find a job with what seems minimal effort for too long.
When I married, I didn't realise I had no right to do what I want anymore ...
How does everyone else live in their marriage? Do you have your own spending money, can you go on holiday alone, buy something you want (finances permitting), even if your dh doesn't approve?
Sorry if I sound selfish. I'm not planning on abandoning dh, but feel sad that I am spending my life with someone so lazy, who makes no effort.
Also sorry to anyone who has read my previous posts that have touched on these problems before.
Maybe I just need to snap out of this and accept there is just us and no me. Maybe I expect too much. But I have always tried hard, despite fighting depression and anxiety a lot of the time, tried to be a good parent, earn some money at the same time ... In the meantime dh has put his head in the sand over our increasing debt (due to periods of unemployment - I also wonder if they are due to sick days he took, and he took quite a lot, although not ill), leaving me to deal with it, causing me many sleepless nights and extreme anxiety and panic attacks.
Even now, I write a small to do list when I'm at work (I work 3.5 days) and he does most of the things, he is of course meant to spend most of his time looking for a job, but he won't do anything in the garden, including cleaning up after the dog, or filing or tidying the garage or attic ... He never does diy or decorating, doesn't care what the house looks like. He could have done so much with his time at home. At the very least spent quality time with dd when she gets in from school.
Sorry for rambling on. I don't know what I'm looking for here, maybe confirmation that this is normal, I should shut up and accept?
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Relationships
I am fed up of my marriage and life
kazzawazzawoo · 15/02/2014 22:08
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