I'm torn between what I think I want to do, and what the rest of my family want me to do.
I've been married for 13 years and have two DDs, 9 and 5.
I don't love my DH anymore. We've never been very affectionate and live separate lives in the same house. We have separate bank accounts and never spend time together.
DH is financially much better off than me and is careful with his money. We have a central account for direct debits and we pay the same amount in each month.
We have drifted apart and I always thought I could never have the confidence to go it alone. I've lost a lot of weight and am getting fed up of not feeling loved or appreciated. He collects the kids from his mums and comes home with them and cooks the tea for when I come in from work. We don't argue but don't have any affection or time for each other.
I've tried to reignite things as have tried hugging him and having sex.... Thinking the more I do this, the more I will love him, but just end up feeling empty. I feel so sad at how things have turned out.
My parents think I should put up with my lot and stay married. I'm scared of the financial consequences and the effect a separation will have on the DDs, but I feel like I can't live forever like this. I feel lonely but selfish for wanting out. I've told him about a month ago that I want a divorce and he was hysterical and told our eldest DD, and she was hysterical too. I keep thinking I only have one life.... And im crying as I type this as I feel so desperate.
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Relationships
What should I do??
Ships699 · 13/11/2013 19:39
Oh, Ships, I totally, totally get that. I had (and still have) the same thing. Once I said enough was enough and I was leaving, he started being overly attentive and solicitous.
I thought, really? After all these years of me not being happy and him ignoring that and telling me it's me with the problem, now that he's losing his comfy set-up he decides it's time to change?
And also: was change really that simple, all along?
It is a real kick in the teeth. But yes, also something I wanted to believe in. I did go back the first time, but felt suffocated again within two days and it only lasted six weeks!
At one stage while we were separated but living together, he did say, "I've been nothing but nice to you for five months now and it's a bit galling when you do nothing to respond!" 
Which helpfully showed him up for the idiot he still was. :o
I had at least 30 min of exH on the phone threatening to kill himself, after I left him. My sister was with me at the time, she's a psychologist, and she was the one who told me to just turn the phone off at some point.
It was pathetic. At some point he claimed he had a knife to his throat.
That very same day he had threatened to take all of our lives. I walked out with DS within the hour.
Anyway, the next day, he turned up at my sister's with the grand opening line "I didn't kill myself". 
And your children will be fine. My DS is, he understands how much of a prat his dad is, even though he loves him.
Please do not let his emotional blackmail affect you. He just wants his old cosy life back.
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He sounds a right selfidh idiot. The day he dragged your eldest dd into this would have been the day I left.
You do realise that was a form of emotional blackmail don't you? The lowest form involving his own child
.
What you describe in the OP doesn't sound like a marriage.
Mentioning "his" money alone, is bad enough.
Do you share expenses 50-50, or do you pay for the children?
He's probably more upset that he'll have to share "his" money with you when you split.
Make sure you have details of all "his" accounts.
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