I'm just not sure

[orangeandgreen]

Can you help me unpick this, please? I'd like to know whether I am nitpicking or he is not really the man for me.
I'm a regular, NC.
The good news is this is not terrible in the way some posts are, this is fairly low key but it's bugging me.

My BF is a decent man, we've been together a year, no red flags although there are a few small to medium sized things that make me question things a bit.

He wanted us to move in together in the summer but I put him off for the time being.
Now he wants us to look for houses to rent again.

I love him, I like him, I'm happy in his company.
But every time I think about moving in with him I want to run for the hills.

I'm in my 40s, my DCs have grown up so I'm not a teenager wondering about this.
I left my stbxh a couple of years ago, Bf was my first boyfriend afterwards. I think my marriage split has made me doubt my judgement of men.
Bf is a good man, he works hard, he has a good job, he is kind to me.

But we don't laugh much together, I'm quite humorous but he often doesn't get the joke, it's not just me either. He doesn't find much to laugh at generally.
He works away a lot, which is fine but last Wednesday he was flying out late at night so he had the day off, he spent his day off at my house while I was at work and he didn't do anything, not even wash up after himself. So I came home to a mess after he'd had the day off.

It's only minor but am I being flaky to have concerns about my future life with someone who doesn't automatically do a little bit of housework without being asked and who doesn't laugh much at all?

There are other small things too.

[orangeandgreen]

Thanks everyone.
I'm going to talk to him first and then I'll see.
He is good company Dahlen, we get on very well and he doesn't brood. We do get on, there's no doubt about it.

You're right about not washing up in someone's house, that's just bad manners. I hadn't thought of it like that.

Annie I don't think I'm stringing him along yet but I will be if I let it go on for too long.
I'm very happy living alone and I do love him very much.
I'm not sure employing a cleaner is lukewarm, I thought it was quite pragmatic!

[orangeandgreen]

at shitbox

[frustratedashell]

I couldn't be with a man who didn't make me laugh and who I couldn't make laugh as well. Sense of humour is essential. The cleaning aspect is not quite so bad, you can train him! Lol. But I would not be happy about him leaving a mess. I think you should find someone more compatible.

[tribpot]

Pragmatic is one thing but, when moving in with someone, you should be starry eyed and looking forward to spending every day together. Not thinking 'well maybe it won't be too bad if I shell out for a cleaner' - you are not OBLIGED to live with this man, or any man, EVER. Your choice is not this guy or someone who might not be as nice.

[PacificDogwood]

@ 'shitbox' - never occurred to me, but v apt

I think there is something in the old chestnut of "loving the one you're with", but not to the point were I'd give up on laughter.
The bottom line is that your life should be enriched by each other.

I have been alone for periods of time and have found it really quite enjoyable although I do understand where you are coming from, orange.

Ii think having a conversation is of course the right thing to do - you do sound fond of him. But I'd be careful about giving up my personal space to somebody who is already 'bugging' you, even just slightly.

[Squeegle]

Surely the bottom line is give it time. If it's going to work it will work; and if he's going to get on your nerves that will become more apparent. You can go on holiday, spend time together etc etc, but no need to move in.

I'm also in my 40s, XP and I split over two years ago, but there's no way I want my current man in my house more than occasionally! That's the way to keep it special for longer isn't it?