First time poster.... I'll try and keep the details brief
Married for over 12 years. Together for almost 19. 2 children. Thought everything was ok. Comfortably off, good lifestyle, but lacking a bit of togetherness and direction. Never had any doubts whatsoever about dw's loyalty.
About 12 months ago dw's mother was very sick. In fact, she died shortly after being diagosed as terminal.
About the time she was diagnosed dw went for a weekend away to somewhere sunny with a group of gfs. They had a great time. Told me how they met a bunch of guys on the plane with loads of money and then went on the yacht. I was pleased for her.
Roll the clock forward 12 months and dw goes away for business overnight. She calls me on the second day of trip to say that ds is sick and needs collecting from school. Unable to do so herself as at other end of country, or so I thought. DW due back home at about 9pm. Various exchanges of texts in the evening, as dw wants to go out with work colleagues after getting off train. DW finally arrives home at 6am the followining day! I smell a rat.
I have never done this before, but went through her overnight bag and handbag...no work clothes, no work papers. What i found was a wet swimming costume, going out clothes and a room card for a smart London hotel in a man's name. So, I tackled the issue with DW.
DW was initially very evasive but finally owned up. Apparently around December last year, owner of said yacht calls DW and invites her out with his friends for a night out. They then see each other as 'just friends' in groups of other people once every 4 to 6 weeks. Sometimes he met her for lunch or after work for a quick drink. The culmination of all this was him (with all his money) booking her a room in very smart hotel (with a pool) so that she could have some time on her own. Apparently, they went out with a group on the first night, but her went home early due to a family problem - yes, he too is married with kids. He did not stay at the hotel. He came back the next day and took DW out for lunch at a smart restaurant and they went out again, in a group, in the evening. They stayed out later as he cut the previous evening short.
Apparently, she does not fancy him, but thinks that he is a great listener and really interesting. She swears that there has been no emotional or physical relationship between them. I really want to believe her, but I still feel a huge sense of betrayal. I admit, I probably havent been the most attentive husband over recent years, but nevertheless...
DW says she still loves me, and we have maintained an active sex life throughout. I love her dearly. We are working successfully at communicating and giving our life more direction. DW says that her actions were as a consequence of her mother's death and my lack of emotional attentiveness. She has even offered for me to meet the guy and says she wants to remain friends with him.
Has dw been having an emotional affair - or even something else - and if so, what is the best way to mend things?
Apologies for the ramble. I am very confused, but I hope that you are not.
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Relationships
Emotional Affair? If so, how to deal with
Outrageousfortune · 16/10/2013 12:27
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