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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How to move on when its over

78 replies

FarOverTheRainbow · 27/09/2013 07:18

Me and my OH have been having a lot if problems and we split up far few weeks ago but got back together quickly but spoke about what we both needed to change and how we knew it wouldn't happen over night but we had to work at it and now a few weeks later its over for good. I'm scared, I'm devastated, I love him. We've had bad times this last year but we've had alot of good times. I can't ge my head around he's not going to be here anymore and they'll be no more cuddling, kisses, laughing and being able to phone for a chat. He was my best friend! How do I deal with this?

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 01/10/2013 20:37

Yes I know total joke isn't it!! Not even a grovelling apology or anything I just dont understand why he's being so mean. He was never his mean before or rude to me!! Apparently he be here tomo to have him while I go to work!

Ah glad it went a bit better then u though then less attitude from him, good that you don't have to move at least for the short term. I know what you mean your partner is who u go to for comfort so when its them thats the cause of the pain its so much more difficult! Once the belongings are divided it will be better and u can try and get in to a new routine hopefully.

FarOverTheRainbow · 01/10/2013 13:21

He just forgot he was looking after his son? Shouldn't he be looking forward to see'ing him so know exactly what's happening?? That's a joke!

Things were okay I supose, we agreed on who can have what and I'm going to be staying in the house for a couple of months but its horrible see'ing him and feeling upset and wanting his comfort. So many mixed emotions

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 01/10/2013 10:54

No chances of me forgetting he's an idiot today - he forgot he was having his son this morning so didn't turn up - didn't even twig when I rung him I had to spell it out!!! No apology nothing just attitude and hten silence!!

Hope things go ok with ur ex today FAR, I hope he can be a bit more rational about things.

cjel · 01/10/2013 09:38

thanks FAR, yes it is hard when you see glimpses of how they should be it can make you wobble, but hang in there that isn't the reality of how they are
How are you this morning?x

FarOverTheRainbow · 01/10/2013 09:05

It's harder when there nice and you realise what you've lost. I hope all goes well for you today xx

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 30/09/2013 22:11

Good for you - stuck it out and don't let him bully you tomorrow!

Yes hopefully no crying - if he's nice to me it seems to start me off so maybe he'll just be rude and mean! Ergh!!

I hope tomorrow goes well for you to - see you on the other side!

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 21:30

I would rather havea clean fresh start but by the sounds of it I might get that by staying here for the next 2m anyway then what I would do if I left and went to my mums.

I hope you don't cry horizontal, I know how much easier it's said to en done.

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 30/09/2013 20:38

Well if u are entitled to stay maybe do that for the shorter time so u can think what u want to do. He definitely can just make u up an leave he shouldn't have let you be the sole names tenant. On the flip if u would rather have a clean fresh start that's ok to but again don't just leave all ur belongings esp if u bought it all! It's tough I know iv had a good day today but he next few days I will see ex as I'm working so he has ds - likely to make me cry!

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 20:28

I'm more confused then ever now. I need to try and think if I can stay in the house or will it be best if I move in now. Not sure.

I've only cried once today so that's an improvement ib yesturday

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 30/09/2013 20:26

Good on you for getting advice dont let him force you in to anything. Hope your doing ok x

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 18:36

Argh been a dramatic day. Got legal advice and it's all a lot to take in. He wants to come round tomorrow and talk about who's having what but after what the legal people told me today I'm sure I'll even be moving out.

I've only ever wanted a quite life

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CogitoErgoSometimes · 30/09/2013 08:32

"He kicked off. Come back and was going mad saying all I'm allowed to move out with is baby stuff and nothing else."

Sadly, this is the man you fell in love with. All you had to do was stand up to him and you've got the real him there in front of you... unreasonable, aggressive, arrogant. A BULLY

Please don't be bullied into moving out. You are fully entitled to stay in your home as long as you wish because you are the named tenant. Call anyone who sends you bills, explain the situation and see what you can negotiate.

HorizontalRunningOnly · 30/09/2013 08:24

Well make sure you take what's urs, he's having the house and the security of renting from a parent - if u bought the tv take the tv or washing machine or sofa etc. u can't be expected to start from scratch just u and ur dd.

I know what u mean I feel sad to that my ds although he has had happy times with his mummy and daddy he won't actually remember them as he is only 2.7. He is used to his dad being at work lot due to shifts so doesn't ask for him much although he did last night but was happy with 'daddy at work you see him in a few days, mummy and grandad are here tho' then he was fine to go back to sleep. Still got a lump in my throat look at his little face!

God yes me to!! Where is the man I love and met 5 years ago full of fun and happiness - now I get a mardy moody arse! No word from him since Friday when he said he had no maintenance money for his son! Not a txt 'how's ds?' Nowt!! Hope ur ex is going to be readable about ur dd - she's so young she will accept all the changes quickly in sure. X

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 08:00

I'm so angry with how es behaving. How can he be like this? Expect me to start again with nothing when I've got his child and I put every penny I had into this place when we moved in. I miss the person I fall in LO e with

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FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 07:50

No of course not but its hard seeing everyone else loved up when your worlds upside down. Yeh your time has to come!

No thankfully she's almost 1 which is good she doesn't no but then makes me feel bad she's not going to grow up with mummy or daddy. I don't know how we're going to agree on me having anything. The tenancy is in my name and he said when I mce out he's taking it over

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 30/09/2013 07:48

Yes it's difficult when everyone else is so happy and I'm not, not that I'm wishing badness on them or anything. Surely my turn for good will come around??!!

Sounds like u are definitely best moving, don't want to be renting from his family, you would forever be worried they would move the goal posts! Sorting belongings etc is hard, so many memories but once uv done it u can start fresh. How's ur dd doing with it all? Is she old enough to know what's going on?

FarOverTheRainbow · 30/09/2013 07:46

Oh god. He kicked off. Come back and was going mad saying all I'm allowed to move out with is baby stuff and nothing else.

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FarOverTheRainbow · 29/09/2013 22:28

That must be hard for you to be around everyone else's happiness when your hurting so bad.

I'm moving. He told me I can stay and ill have to pay almost half extra of what we were paying so I'm going. I would rather his evil family didn't have that kinda hold over me either. It's been so painful sorting trough stuff today though I hate feeling like this

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 29/09/2013 22:23

Good for you! Make him wait / typical he's worrying about a holiday not where U and his daughter will live!! Yes men are indeed bastards - so weird how they change so quick. My rl friends are good and they are happy to listen but they are all in aug happy places with weddings for some and newborns and baby number 2s Etc that my lowly story tends to be a mood killer!!

Have u decided to pack up and move out or are I staying put to?

FarOverTheRainbow · 29/09/2013 22:09

Aw men are such basturds sometimes! Why can't they just be man enough to explain if they wanna leave? It must be harder for you now having less people to talk too, you can't be over it in 3 weeks.

My XP is not happy I've said no to signing and has had a tantrum saying he wants his money then back tracked and offered me much much less then what half actually is and I'm just ignoring his messages. Ive told him no, I've had to much going on and he fucked my head so I haven't thought about it but I wang to go so I'm not signing anything at the minute

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 29/09/2013 22:02

I have but three weeks on people don't seem so interested, I don't have my mum as she passed away 4.5 years ago and my dad and sister just hates ex now and dont really wanna talk much either.

cjel · 29/09/2013 21:51

Find someone in RL to let it all out to?xx

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HorizontalRunningOnly · 29/09/2013 21:50

Lord knows he must have something over him but he's been staying with him and his wife and their two young sons for the past three weeks. He doesn't have many friends at all and this is a very old friend they lost touch but randomly met 18 months ago and he has caused numerous little arguments since then but my ex signing a finance agreement for him 3 months from us going to get a mortgage was the last straw. I don't know if my ex has done anything and his mate is covering it up or if its just my ex having a crisis at 30 and wanting to retreat to being single and free but its broken my heart totally. I don't know how to process it as its always on my mind!

cjel · 29/09/2013 21:36

The only thing I can see is that the mate has some sort of hold on him and maybe he hasn't told you the truth about all that?x

HorizontalRunningOnly · 29/09/2013 21:23

Yup it's awful, I still love him as we which makes it worse, ifkynd out about the friend loan sat, obv fumibg we disussed it sat and sun and sunday, monday night he refused to cancel it because he couldnt let his mate down and he didn't come home and hasn't since!! It's awful I just don't get it. Tmi and I know men have sex without feelings but considering he now doesn't love me and thinks I have a nasty streak he didn't put up any complaints on the bloody Friday before he f**ked off on the Monday! I don't know how men can be like this and having a child with him I would think he'd have some respect for me but clearly not! I hope ur doing ok wih him coming to the house. I find it much harder when I have to see ex on the 2 days he has ds. Keep ur head up tho xx

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