Financial abuse was cited on DP's divorce papers with his ex wife claiming that she never had any access to money and had to ask him for money all the time and he'd only give it if she gave a good enough reason. I thought "dp?? nah no way! that funny, generous, lovely bloke I see? no chance" so I assumed it had been written to improve the divorce 'reason' iyswim?
So we've been living together a few months now and lately a few things have happened that have made me think "mmmm that's a bit off ... " and then looking back in hindsight, he's been a bit weird with money for quite some time but I never picked up on it.
Examples - if ever I left a note like £10 or £20 on the window ledge/table he would take it and put it in his wallet. His reasoning being that money should not be left around as it will get lost and if he sees money lying around, he'll put it in his wallet. ok ... but this made me panic a bit more than I felt I should in my own house about leaving money lying around as I'd 'lose' it to DP.
One time I had £70 on me (think I sold something) and I left it near the microwave as I was busy. I knew exactly what I'd be spending it on and when I went back to pick it up it had gone, DP had taken the lot. I confronted him and he said "yes I have it, you only have to ask" and he gave me SOME of it back - now thinking back - was this my first experience of him making me ask for money like his ex said?
Anyway lots of examples of this so i won't go on.
Another thing though is that lately whenever I go to my purse it is empty. The other day I had £25 in there which I needed for my horse. I got to the stables to realise my purse was empty. I was blaming poor DS in my head (who has in the past stolen money but not for a long time) and when I got home I asked DP who said "yes, I took it." 
I said "why would you do that??" and he replied "sorry, I had no money on me and needed some." so I said "yes but then you left me with no money!" he apologised again and said he was wrong to do it but why would anyone do that anyway?? I can see why you'd take a couple of quid if you were in a rush and had no money but to take everything I had?? this has happened more than once too.
Last night we sold something and got £70. DP asked me what I wanted to do with it so I said "just put some in my purse and some in your wallet." he then half heartedly looked for my purse (I was busy) and said he couldn't find it so would leave me £20 on the side - I thought he didn't like money lying around? no he'll be hoping it's still there when he gets home so he can put it back in his wallet saying I'd left it lying around.
Thing is, I DO have my own bank card and can draw money out whenever I want and he never questions it. so am I being paranoid? or is stricter bank control next on the agenda?
He's suddenly become dead concerned about the bank actually and has made spreadsheets and keeps going on about how skint we are (he never used to) and when I used to bring it up before that we were struggling he'd laugh it off so why the sudden concern?
Another thing is he's become obsessed with child maintanance. We pay ALOT to his two kids and it is a massive chunk of our income. I've never complained though but now he keeps kicking off saying my ex should be paying more and I'm out of order for not taking my ex for everything I can get. I've recently got my ex to up the maintanance which he did with no argument and I can't help feeling that DP is trying to cause a bit of friction. He then said "anyway Ive been thinking I should put my maintanance up and pay more" this put the fear of god into me as we're struggling as it is but then thinking about it - is this just his way of 'enouraging' me to get at my ex for more money?
He knows I'm obssessed with travelling too and am so looking forward to going to Greece next year. He's started using that against me now saying "well that will only happen if we have the money, maybe you should speak to your ex?" and then the latest one "maybe you need to get some work?" - he knows full well I'm already studying full time until next August and have landed myself a part time job to do aside that and he knows how I fret about not paying my way and he always says I'm been silly and DO pay my way ... yet when he's after a dig he kicks me where it hurts and implies I could do more to get money using the holiday as an excuse??
Am I being paranoid or what? he doesn't seem the type but when you sit back and add it all up it paints a bit of a dark picture.
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Relationships
Am I experiencing the foundations of financial abuse?
SandyAgo · 17/09/2013 08:46
DH spent money out of my purse a couple of times - and took money off the side. It really annoyed me so I said "AY! Don't take money out of my purse without asking!" and "Did you take that money off the side - what's this friggin' Sleeping with the Enemy!" And he stopped.
Before you consider that all of this could be the beginnings of financial abuse (which it could well be), I think you should make it completely clear to him what he can and can't do with you. He might have controlled his ex this way, but it isn't inevitable that your relationship will play out like his last. Tell him "You don't like money lying round, I don't mind it, so if it's yours, put it away; if it's mine: LEAVE IT".
He's not the only one shaping your relationship.
And try not to be hurt about everyone slagging off your DP - you're the only one here who has actually met him 
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