It's easier to make a contrast when you've experienced both, I think.
For me this article sums it up perfectly - being in a "co-piloting" relationship is so important. Relationships in a Nutshell
I also made a realisation thanks to mumsnet, feminism and, well, meeting some men who aren't total dicks, that men aren't some totally different species which are impossible to understand and who act differently, have different values etc - there are as many variations between individual men as there are women, so if you want a man who wants to spend more/less time with you, or who smokes/doesn't smoke, or who likes/doesn't like football, musicals, geek TV programmes, who has a high/low/medium sex drive, or all of those things then it's not at all impossible to find and you don't have to put up with any attribute that you don't like just because he is good in other ways especially if those are "rare" things for a man to be. None of that is true, so stop worrying about it! You won't have to change any part of yourself for a man who is a good match for you. Even if it is a "good" change, like giving up smoking - nope, if he's right for you, he'll be right for you just as you are. Give up smoking if you want to for yourself or your DC or to save money or whatever, but don't feel like you should do things like that or anything else for the sake of getting a relationship.
As for specifics in my relationship, we are kind to each other - if one of us is struggling then the other will support them, do nice things etc instead of putting them down and reinforcing the bad feeling the person is struggling with, DP will either do something practical to support me (without being asked, he just seems to see which is lovely, but if he doesn't I can ask and he will do whatever it is as long as it's reasonable!) or help me come up with a plan to help me cope with a situation better or we'll come up with a plan together to improve it long term.
He makes me feel supported and encourages/pushes me to do new things in a way I've never really had from anybody, my mum was supportive but never really pushed me out of my comfort zone and DP is great at doing that in a way that makes me feel I can succeed. He does it with DS too and I think it's fantastic because I don't have that skill at all - we definitely complement each other in parenting as well as in other parts of life.
He gets totally mushy when drunk - with XP I used to find it really stressful if he drank because I'd be on edge wondering if he was going to do something stupid, and those weren't even the times he was being a drunken arsehole. DP isn't like that at all. He just gets cuddly. In fact I suppose that translates to a general ability to trust him in virtually any situation - barring my job, he'd be useless at that - but at home, with DS, etc, because I know that he has similar values to me, I know that he would deal with a situation in a way that perhaps I wouldn't, but I would agree with (if that makes any sense at all) - couple of examples, he is currently living abroad and has just found us an apartment to live in, he found it too late in the end, but he was going to also find a kindergarten for DS to attend and again I trust him with both of those, and he's done a fantastic job with the apartment. Second example was one time he was looking after DS when I was at work and at the moment I came in I could hear DS screaming as though someone had really hurt him. I came rushing into the room to see what was wrong, but only realised later that at the time the possibility had not crossed my mind that DP had hurt DS because I knew that he wouldn't do that (I think he had attempted to wash his hair!) - sadly enough, I would have assumed the opposite with DS' own father.
We just have a good time. He enhances my life. He props me up (and I'm not particularly stable ) We've just survived 15 LONG months living 600 miles apart, only seeing each other once every 2-4 months and I literally cannot wait to get him back (for good!) on Monday. :) Love him.