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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

1 2 3 4 5

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

what to have safely packed away?

107 replies

mouseymummy · 25/07/2013 15:34

If you were advising someone who was planning to leave their husband/partner. What would you say were essential paperwork and other items to take?

2 children (soon to be 3) with a house in their name but husband refuses to leave or tries to leave with the baby, claiming she isn't reaponsable enough.

The elder child is 9 and is starting to be the one on the recieving end.

She's at her wits end but needs him to fuck up.

What should she pack away so if she needs to,.she can get away?

OP posts:

Report

LoisPuddingLane · 29/07/2013 23:20

Hello - just another thought. If you know the names of the people he assigned to follow you, it might be worth giving them to the police. Your husband may not be allowed to approach you but he could instruct his creepy friends to do so.

raisah · 29/07/2013 23:09

Please get the locks changed in case he has made copies of the keys. Leaving the keys behind could be a deliberate trick in making you feel safe and secure.

Could you get family/friends to stay over or drop by for a few days? If he is having the house watched then a constant stream of visitors may prevent a surprise visit.

For your teething baby, try dentinox as that worked wonders for my dd.

Can you speak to your hv about your new status as she will be in a good position to refer you for practical help & give you information about local support. Speak to Womens aid, CAB (they can help with benefit
entitlement, budgeting advice etc) and I think Gingerbread is the charity for lone parents.

Please keep us updated.

Lweji · 29/07/2013 22:12

So he left his wallet and phone at home?

He is likely to go back for them.
Could you arrange for his family to get them? Or hand them to the police?

Yes, do be careful and extra vigilant. Do not open the door to him and keep your distance.

BerkshireMum · 29/07/2013 19:38

Amongst all the things to do, I'd suggest adding getting a referral to your local HomeStart. And I know you have some RL support available, so don't be afraid to ask for help - minding your youngest for a couple of hours is do-able if you ask.

BerkshireMum · 29/07/2013 19:33

Love that name Vivacia!

mouseymummy · 29/07/2013 19:32

Viv, I like that, is very high up on the maybe pile (ok, only idea so far!)

Berkshire, I hope it was good tears! Mumsnet has been a lifeline and I will pm you my new nn, as and when I get round to setting one up... I keep forgetting I can go on the computer now!

I have been looking into doing an open uni course as I can't get funding to actually go to uni, I've been thinking maybe physcology (excuse the spelling) or something similar, I might actually request the brochure.. once I've worked through my list and hopefully my head is a little clearer.

I've actually misses him today, baby has been really restless and teething and I've hardly been able to put her down. Even the eldest couldn't soothe her. I'm now wondering how the hell am I going to cope with 3 on my own? I know I shouldn't miss him but at least when he was here I'd get to go to the toilet!

Tomorrow is another day and I just need to keep going.

OP posts:

Vivacia · 29/07/2013 18:27

(Hmm, even more confused by KatieScarlett's post now).

On the mouse theme, how about TheMouseWhoRoared?

BerkshireMum · 29/07/2013 16:25

I'm just glad I knew how to find email addresses for local area police teams - and glad they took it seriously. I didn't get a reply - and didn't expect one - but I was on edge waiting to see if anything happened.

Reading your message just now made me cry. I hope that, as well as giving you and your DC the space you need to live the lives you deserve, it also shows that we can all do something to make a big different to other people - you never know when the chance might come.

Take care mouse. Looking forward to reading about your progress. If you do decide to name-change, can you make sure I know who you are?

mouseymummy · 29/07/2013 14:44

It was you berkshire!! Thank you so much!! I know it had come from here as they said "from some woman's site" so I presumed mnhq had phoned them!

Thank you again, from the bottom of my heart. I think.I might even love you lol xxx you seriously saved my life and I will never be able to repay that.

Sorry I've not been OM, trying to readjust to life.... He did feck all around the house but I'm still trying to figure out my place again

Kids are so much more settled already... No jumping to attention every two seconds for any of us.

I've been considering this moving business, right now he has to stay away, until at least tomorrow. (court dates etc), hopefully the court will grant a restraining order, if they do then it gives me breathing space, if not, the sw will try deal with getting us into a refuge.

I have applied for the ha in the next town over and for school places for eldest, I need to go to drop off.my proof of pregnancy and then I get placed somewhere on the list.

Got loads still to sort but I will get there. I've been given a list and I'm working my way through it very slowly!

Still need that new nickname so all thoughts on that greatly welcome.

OP posts:

feelokaboutit · 29/07/2013 08:06

mouseymummy, I am so glad the police came for your h.

I second what cogito has just said - please don't relax until you have moved house (to an address unknown to your h and any of his family / friends) in the second. This is urgent. Could you stay somewhere else (also unknown to your h) until you have a new place to live? Your husband has severe mental health issues and may be seeking revenge once he has got himself together.

Please go for the full force of the law against your h - he needs to know there will be immediate consequences if he comes anywhere near you or your children.

I wish you the best of luck and send you lots of love.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 29/07/2013 07:23

" he didn't take keys or anything actually, no wallet or phone so I don't have to change the locks"

Please don't assume that he won't try to access the home. He repeatedly attacked you, had you imprisoned, held your baby hostage and he had you followed in the street. This is an unstable, violent and irrational man and he has friends that thought it was OK to follow you. He may be shocked and evicted at the moment but please take extra precautions and stay vigilant.

sillymillyb · 28/07/2013 19:41

I've been lurking, but just wanted to say how thrilled I am for you mouseymummy def second the idea of a ballsy new nickname!

nectarini1983 · 28/07/2013 19:36

Ding dong the bs gone! You go girl! X

primallass · 28/07/2013 18:24

Did you phone them KatieScarlett?

Vivacia · 28/07/2013 14:43

Why did you post that KatieScarlett?

KatieScarlett2833 · 28/07/2013 09:39

I would have called SS

gingerchick · 27/07/2013 23:48

So glad you're safe mouse and well done berkshireMum what a fab idea

BerkshireMum · 27/07/2013 23:03

I hope it was jc person as well as me - and maybe others - I can't imagine someone NOT reacting to a plea like that.

CheeseFondueRocks · 27/07/2013 22:58

BerkshireMum, whether it was what you did or the JC person, well done you!

And I do think the JC person thought about what she said to the OP afterwards. She was in a position where she could have offered help and didn't.

BerkshireMum · 27/07/2013 21:41

Not sure if I should say, but I sent Huddersfield police a link to this thread......

Sparrowlegs248 · 27/07/2013 21:36

It may well be the JC person, they may have thought about it afterwards or mentioned it to a colleague who said they should have done more. Hope it all works out for you.

CheeseFondueRocks · 27/07/2013 19:55

I'm so glad someone phoned the police for you. I bet it was the jc person. Do change your email and nickname now. Do you know otbt on here? You could start a thread there just to be sure.

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mouseymummy · 27/07/2013 19:06

I'm not sure who was more shocked, me or him tbh. I've seen people write on the mh boards that someone should get the address of mnhq and call the police but didn't think they would... Obviously wrong!!

Police said I'd probably get a visit from ss next week and to not worry about it. The officer said it'd be a case of them coming round and making sure we were ok and probably doing some form of assessment should he go for access to youngest and baby. They will also help with anything we need regarding safety in the home and probably moving too, I need to move anyway as I'm in a 2 bed and ill have 3 kids soon,

My sil called me today and her and my brother are coming over tomorrow to see us and probably to shout at me for not telling her. I almost felt guilty for telling her iyswim... Really didn't expect that.

Tomorrow is the eldests first full day at home so time to tell her he's gone. Not sure what to say bit I'll come up with something.

Just put on a dvd for eldest and taken youngest to bed. Hoping she sleeps tonight too. Really need an early night!

OP posts:

BerkshireMum · 27/07/2013 15:36

You sound like a different person from yesterday Mouse - and you definitely need a ballsy new name!

If you can, I'd change the locks anyway, you don't know for sure what he might have done with keys. I'm sure you'll get support if you need it from SS and the police now. Glad they acted so quickly yesterday. Bet he had a shock when they turned up.

turbochildren · 27/07/2013 13:32

Sorry, no I didn't mean it like that :) it was more if you do a statment to the police.
Hardly anyone knows around where I live, not even that I'm single parent now. I only told when pressed on why we were not together anymore.
But that's by the by, enjoy the rest of your day!

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