Been told by a young colleague today that people don't date now

[Sherbert37]

Colleague in his late 20s was telling me how people go straight to fooling around in bed or having sex, then text and flirt after and never really date now. Is this really true? Would a 40 year old man expect that too or are the generations so different? Colleague couldn't believe I hadn't been out with anyone since my marriage broke up several years ago. I can't imagine doing what he described. Gulp!

[Sherbert37]

You've made me laugh. He is great and totally gets my sense of humour. I really can't do the involved with workmates thing but he is moving soon to another area so who knows?? First time in 5 years I have felt even a spark for anyone so I'm grateful to him for that. Any more and I would totally not recognise myself, but feel bolder than I did in my prudish 20s so who knows (and I wanted to end that with 'lol' so am totally getting on his wavelength haha).

[KatieScarlett2833]

I never NOT dated.
I never wanted to have sex with someone I didn't know and trust. My system was not infallible though and I had to dump my fare share of arseholes

[MadBusLady]

That's just the student and post-student norm IME, it's not really about generations. I would date now, but didn't 10/15 years ago. Dating's a hell of a lot scarier.

[hersheys123]

Nothing quite breaks the ice like sharing herpes.

[Minty82]

I'm 30 and never dated, but also never had sex with anyone until we'd been going out for a month or so. Somehow managed to get three serious relationships (including DH) established and acknowledged with neither dates nor shagging. Hmm, can't quite think how now! Lots of evenings snogging on the sofa...and un-datelike evenings in the pub.

[ToTheTeeth]

Minty it sounds awfully like you dated!

[Minty82]

Ha, no, because there were usually other people with us in the pub! DH and I genuinely didn't go out for an evening just the two of us till we'd already been living together a month! And I guess what I mean is I never went out on a romantic evening a deux with someone I hadn't at least already kissed - never had a speculative date!

[StuffezLaYoni]

All through my late teens and early 20's I got with people by falling into bed with them and seeing how it panned out. It was rubbish really though I am still friends with a lot of these people.
Now I'm not interested in all that and if I met someone nice, I'd want to do the whole "dates" thing. I still have the odd ONS but I've been single for years, so if I didn't my sex life would be non existent :-(

[digerd]

Minty 82.
Snogging on the sofa and going to the pub is what was called "courting" in the 60s. It was lovely - sigh.

[Tigerbomb]

According to my 24 year old daughter ... she and her peers see each other.. try before they buy and then decide if they are want to go out with each other.

I was gobsmaked.. then realised that's what I did when I split up with my Dexh.

[WhiteBirdBlueSky]

I'm 42 and in my 20's 'dates' were something American teenagers did. We just 'got off' with one another and then 'went out'. Or not.

I don't think it's that much different now. Is it?

[DrinkFeckArseGirls]

Actually that us quite comforting to hear. I'm a single parent, can't afford bloody dates. Shagging someone I know sounds good.

[DoTheBestThingsInLifeHaveFleas]

Sorry, have haven't read whole thread. I am mid thirties and have NEVER been on a date. Been married twice and have 2 other LTR. Shagged them all first and then text and flirted and did it again. The married some, lived with some and others just let fizzle out. The fact I have been married twice by my late twenties speaks volumes about this method. If I was single now I would probably date, and if the man didn't like it, he wouldn't be the right one for me at this point of life. (DH I hung around with as a teenager and he was a good friend and even attended my first wedding. We were friends with benefits throughout our life before be we're a couple, so I guess I did at least know him pretty well before in a relationship). Good luck with your dating. Everyone is different and I think there are lots of people who like to date first.

[ThisIsMummyPig]

I did a combination of snogging people I vaguely knew when pissed, and seeing what happened, and meeting blokes in clubs, snogging, swapping numbers. I might take them home but never actually shagged them until I knew them.

I always considered the first date to be the time we met alone together after we had first snogged. (with the exception of DH - he brought his best mate!)

[Trills]

I imagine your colleague is falling into the trap of thinking that "people I know don't do X" is the same as "people don't do X any more".

People who make sweeping generalisations are often wrong.

[Trills]

Startail being married doesn't actually prevent you from going on a date. You should tell DH "don't plan anything from next Friday", then book a babysitter and a restaurant table and take him out!

(ou have to lead by example here - you can take him out as easily as he can take you out)

It's generally rather enjoyable, assuming you are married to someone whose company you like.

[CitizenOscar]

I'm in my mid-30s and all my single friends date. Some might also do casual shagging, but they do date.

I've done both in my time. Dated DH before getting together in my late 20s (and it was a blind date, through a mutual friend). Previous long term boyfriend I met at uni & we had sex first. In between I did a bit of both.

Do what you're comfortable with and you'll find someone on your wavelength. I think most people are happy either way so if you feel more comfortable with one rather than the other, anyone worth their salt will be happy with your approach.

Good luck

[Jayne266]

I met my DH when I was 20 and no we went on dates and everything. Am now 27.

[Sherbert37]

Wow more replies. Thanks everyone. Was brought up on a diet of Jane Austin etc and lived my twenties as if in a period novel. Sounds like it's time to go more Fifty Shades in my forties!

[Timetoask]

Is it a wonder why relationships don't last anymore?

[digerd]

Quite.

[Sherbert37]

Yes but I did everything the 'right' way, to the letter and still found myself alone after 20 years of marriage. Despite having 3 kids, I have less knowledge in this area than the average 16 year old today it would appear.

[DanceInColour]

I'm 22 and me and DP went on a few dates before reaching the fooling around in bed stage though we did a fair bit of practice snogging first

Then again we had worked together for a few months already so had got to know each other a bit anyway.

[MadBusLady]

I don't think there's any such thing as a right or wrong way, only right or wrong men. You can carefully and formally "date" a twat or fall straight into bed with an amazing man - I know, done both! I don't think you should feel compelled to choose one path though, as CitizenOscar says, a mix may be appropriate, depending on what feels comfortable with a particular man. Have fun