My dh left me a few months ago, saying he no longer loved me, and couldn't cope with my PND.
He left me & our 3 dc, and has refused to talk about our relationship. He has kept changing his stance, saying he did love me, then he didn't. He wasn't IN love with me etc etc. Following the script, basically.
So, after a huge row two weeks ago, and him saying it was definitely over, I registered with an OD site. Just to make myself feel better I think, and prompted by collegues.
I'm sure you can see where this is going.
Met a bloke. We get on well, surprisingly, and we have been texting.
Dh saw a text over my shoulder, and hit the roof. Says of course he loves me etc. I'm evil, yadda yadda.
Ironically, dh have been getting on better than ever. I love him. I want to stay married to him. I am not ready for a relationship!
But I do enjoy texting this bloke.
I don't know what to do!
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Relationships
Advice/flaming/help needed. Think I've fucked up.
UterusUterusGhali · 05/06/2013 12:30
Isn't your ex the ridiculous little man who used to complain that you weren't servile enough towards the 'man of the house'? 
Who left you high and dry because he was having an affair?
You would be utterly bonkers to go back to him.
Say no and see where this new relationship takes you. Don't mess this other bloke around and be clear you're still not in the right frame of mind for anything more than a pleasant distraction.
Why on earth would anyone flame you or think you fucked up for getting involved with a new man when you are single? 
As soon as that silly little drip of a man left home, the fidelity contract was broken. But he broke that waaay before he left home anyway. He was so obviously shagging this OW before he left you. It's probably all gone belly-up for him now and this is why he wants to reassert his 'rights'.
But he hasn't got any rights over you any longer. Don't let him back into your life.
I 100% get what you're saying, Mice&men. I think what I put dh through was akin to ea. Truley. But he didn't seek help. He sought council from a woman at work whom he developed a crush on.
This is your key sentence Uterus. Your 'D'H had a plan B (the woman at work).
You were difficult to live with because of your PND. Fair enough. How much help and support did he give you during this phase? Did he do more than his fair share of laundry, ironing, vacuuming, tidying, cooking, shopping, baby burping, nappy changes, night wakings, school runs, homework with older DC, playing with the other DC? I'm going to strike out here and suggest probably not. 
Instead, he chose to confide in another woman - not another father whose wife has had PND and who could help him gain some ideas about how to get through this and worked for him - but a woman.
He could have used the energy and money he spent moving out to help make your life easier.
He could have taken the children with him while you recovered.
He made a choice to make your PND about his needs not being met.
And I suspect those needs were all focused on the other woman. Conveniently, your PND gave him the ideal excuse to try his cake and eat it while convincing himself that he wasn't an unfaithful unsupportive husband because he wasn't actually having an affair. He'd behaved honourably by leaving the family home, etc and if it didn't work out with OW then it would be unlikely that you'd move on in that time, given your PND, so he could move back in, playing the caring DH role who couldn't bear to leave his children and wanted desperately to support his wife - conveniently ignoring the fact that she'll have done most of her healing without his support and will already be well on the mend when he returns so can resume the role of chief bottle washer while simultaneously wanting to make up for the "hell" she put him through while suffering from PND.
If he genuinely loves you and wants to try again, he won't try to convince you that you are wrong to have moved on and do X, y, z yourself. He'll apologise for not being there for you and try to convince you that he's worth taking the chance on because he is going to do x, y, z to make your marriage better.
Mice, I do actually think this bloke could be a bit dodgy in that respect. Just little things. I've been in an abusive relationship before, so I've always got my bullshit detector on.
Btw the lasagne comment is still making me chuckle. 
It does make the heartache easier, having a gentleman distraction.
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Can I just update?
I really like this bloke. 
Dh wants to make a go of it now. Wants to try relate. I've detached I think.
I know the right thing to do is to make a go of my marriage. But I like this bloke. Quite a bit.
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