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Relationships

i've got to end this relationship

66 replies

mrslincoln · 29/05/2013 05:27

last night my fiancee, (lived together for 3 years , together 4.5 yrs) grabbed my 13 yo DS round the throat and swore in his face. i have told him that he will be moving out (he will go back to the box room at his parents until he finds somewhere) i cant believe this has happened and i am so angry and dissapointed in him. he just totally flipped out.

my son was sitting at the computer at 10:15 and i told him it was time to go upstairs and he started trying to argue and backchat me. i was handling the situation just fine and did not need any kind of help when my fiancee burst in swearing 'you will do what you're fucking told you little twat' and then grabbed him by the throat (son was still sitting on computer chair) i yelled at him to 'take your hand off my son' which he did, my son then stood up and they both pushed each other whilst i tried to separate them, then my son got past and went upstairs, shouting that DF does nothing for the house and is useless. I went up after DS and made sure he was alright. when i came down DF was still fuming, he apologised to me, but said he would not apologise to DS as he was a spoilt brat.he said he was only trying to turn DS's head so he would look at him.

i told him he would be leaving first thing in the morning.he tells me i am over reacting and he didn't leave a mark on him or grab him tightly. DF has been crying a lot and i feel, trying to manipulate me. please can i have your opinions as i am getting so confused. i have bipolar and i know i do overreact but in this case, i think i am right. i dont want the relationship to end but fail to see how it can continue now. i cant put my kids at this risk of him losing his temper again.i have been trying to phone womens aid's helpline all night but there is no answer. i even phoned the samaritans but they were really just interested in if i felt suicidal (i dont) i was just desperate to talk to someone about all this. Ds seems ok, i kept checking on him til he fell asleep and he has no marks (yet)to be honest he seemed rather nonplussed, not that that changes anything. I just cant believe this has happened.

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whitesugar · 15/06/2013 11:08

Mrs L - you are a total legend - as my teenagers would say. you should be very proud of yourself! When my EXH assaulted my 13 year old DS the police told me I could report it. This saved my DS doing so & given that he was really conflicted, it meant that the assault was reported. The PPS didn't take it on but that was due to administrative error, long story but due to communication error between DS in child protection & police at station.

It was reported though which was crucial when EXH assaulted my 16 year old DD. He got adult caution because I didn't want my DD to have to go to court. Police were fantastic, WPC told me police wanted stiffer sentence but understood my DD doing GCSE & didn't need stress of court.

Both DC know now that assault is not acceptable even if it is within family. They have also learned that if they ever assault anyone they may face criminal proceedings. It's a tough but very valuable lesson.

My son seemed non plussed about incident but ended up in trouble at school for throwing a chair & being rude to a teacher. Luckily his form teacher listened to him & DS cried & told him about assault. He seemed fine but it was an act. It's really hard to tell with teenage boys as you know. The subject is an open topic in our house and I frequently check in with him. Funnily enough he he told his friends who told him that the same thing happened to them.

Well done for being a legend, your DC won't forget it!