I have posted about this a few times recently and I'm hoping someone can come up with a bit of a clue on how to move on. I have a feeling this could be quite long to try and avoid the drip feeding.
Imet my dh 14 years ago when I was a single mum and trying to get a divorce, he was also going through a divorce which was straightforward as the were no dc or property but mine was a bit difficult and took an age. During that time we got engaged and I got pg with our ds. This was an issue for his dp, they are evangelical Christians who are leaders in their church and I am Rc. They do not like this.
Because of our work sending us to two different ends of the country we decided that it would be for the best if I left my job (RAF) he rented a place off camp, and we got married soon as my divorce was final.
In the meantime whenever we visited his dp there was drama. His mother souls do the 'her or me thing' I was told I would burn in hell as would my dc for not being of their faith, I got shouted at at the table for making the sing of the cross when they did grace, I was berated for not taking communion in their church. All sorts of stuff.
Meanwhile my exh was dragging his heels over the divorce, it eventually came through and we had a rushed registry office wedding followed by the pub for lunch two days later. This was 3 weeks before our due date. Both sets of our dps came, mine were lovely, his insisted on going sightseeing on the morning of the wedding almost making dh late! They also wore black.
Strangely with all the stress our ds was born a few days later. My dps were unable to come all the way back up to us as it was a 1000 mile round trip. Dh dps arrived within 2 days and I was expected to go out sightseeing with them, our lease on our house had run out so we had to move that week too, and dh's work announced that he was to be posted again with no chance of me following for at least 3 months.
We moved, I was very sore and tired, mil bag side the bed, we were sleeping on the sofa with ds and dd was on the floor, dh was having to work and fil had gone home. Mil insisted on staying for a week to help. I caught her trying to persuade dh to let her organise a christening in their faith behind my back and I kicked her out the next day
When dh was posted I went to stay with my dps with the dc for a while then we moved to where he was. Not long after his dp came to stay again, I was told that I wasn't a proper wife and I was lazy. Their was more stuff but they made sure it was all done out of dh earshot.
Dh still wouldn't believe that his lovely dps would be horrible to me. They kept telling him they loved me!
We visited them for Christmas, I made a lot of the fancy trimmings and took it to them to try and make amends they refused to eat it, bar one mouthful each, they both came down with a tummy bug and blamed my cooking
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Relationships
In laws and impact on our relationship (hugely long)
Tiredtrout · 14/05/2013 08:39
God you poor woman!
I've just been having a wee whinge about my own MIL on FB, but jeez, she's a solid gold saint when measured against yours! 
I'd say the illness is at the very least exaggerated, how on earth can they know it's pneumonia without having seen the doctor?
Your DH - God love him - needs to realise that they don't actually have any hold over him bar what he allows them to have. They sound bloody awful, and quite frankly you'd ALL be better off without them in your lives at all - so he should stand up to them and let them make their own choice as to whether that involves them being cut off from him/ their DGC. Obviously you and your DC will be the better for it, but what does he get out of the relationship with them? Cos it doesn't sound like anything good.
I hope that they continue to stay away - see if you can offend them slightly a little more, perhaps by suggesting that you don't want them seeing your new shiny baby while there's the least chance of them infecting her - and that you can find a way forward that doesn't involve this dire situation continuing.
Congratulations on your new DD, btw! 
You know i'm sure I heard that pneumonia is dangerous to be around for.. ooh, let's say, 6 months 
Congratulations 
on the birth of your baby daughter!
I am glad you did not have to fight the ILs during/around her birth.
What vile, nasty people. They don't deserve you or your DCs in their lives. Utterly unbelievable. And the worst possible examples of Christians - completely unchristian.
Seriously, cut them out. They're not worth spitting on. I know people who've relieved themselves of their inlaws for far less and their lives have been thoroughly enriched.
Leave them to their own fire and brimstone. You owe them nothing.
Fuck me people like this make me 
Oh Tired, how crap.
They sound truly horrific. They aren't from NI by any chance?
You need to put your foot down, hard.
You are under no obligation to see them at all - why the fuck would you spend even another second of your precious life with these judgmental bigots?
If it was me I would go no contact, completely.
I would also be stipulating that they are not welcome in your home ever again.
Nor do you want to hear from your DH what things they have said about you.
If your DH wants to continue a relationship with his parents, by all means, but it doesn't have to involve you.
And promise me that you will not let either of your PILs over the threshold, and even worse, give up your bed, when your baby is born!
Finally, good luck with the baby, let's hope it comes soon! 
OP, you aren't making your dh choose. He can see his parents on his own. You're just asking that he not inflict them on the rest of you!
They are truly nasty, and you do not need them anywhere near you or your children.
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Congratulations on your pg OP
So do I gather you are now overdue? if that is the case I would say first order of business is some enforced nuclear family time, ban the vile awful PILs from darkening your door and cuddle up and enjoy new baby with your other DC. Keep them away for a set period and during that time put them out of your mind. They are wretched people and you must be extremely stressed as a result.
I would ban them for as long as you can get away with - a few weeks, a month? it might give them a short, sharp shock and a taste of how much they have to lose. It sounds as if until now, to your credit, you've been incredibly accommodating and pleasant, but I wonder if it's time to pull the plug on that. It's been years and you're making no headway, they obviously think they can just ride roughshod over you. Though my issues with my MIL are pretty standard and nowhere near this level, I have noticed that when I snap at her, she winds her neck in. Ultimately, PIL behaviour is driven by insecurity in their relationship with their own DC / DGC. A bit of a show of iron will might make them play ball. If it were me, I would ring, explain that they're not welcome and why, and hang up.
As for their DS-! OP, you don't say much about how things are emotionally with your DH. But it sounds as if the central person in all these relationships - him - is AWOL and neither you nor PIL are expecting nearly as much from him as you are from each other. He needs to set and enforce boundaries for them around his marriage, not least that they'll treat you with some fucking respect. And he needs to work on his relationship with them so that they feel somewhat more secure.
I've just started reading this book, and am finding it helpful, you might too?
Good luck for the birth
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