I have been with DP for about 6m now. Apart from a few hiccups it is a lovely relationship, the best.
But I'm really struggling with something. His friend, who I'll refer to as Ben, is really hard to deal with. When I first spent time with Ben, I had just had some truly terrible news. Ben warned me he likes to play games with people's heads 
I explained what was happening and asked him to be gentle. After a few incidences of him trying to play games, I literally begged him not to. This was in my home, he was my guest 
I ended up in tears! Every time DP left the room he would say that I have to make damned sure that I get on with him.
The next time I spent time with him he was mostly fine, probably because he had pulled. I say mostly because we were on our way to a party, I was sat next to him in the car, and he told me he is, in his words, a sleep rapist!
The next time I saw him out socially we pretty much ignored each other. At the end of the evening he left with another friend of DPs and basically warned this guy to stay away from me as he had been watching us. There was nothing to watch!
When DP is introducing him to people he has to introduce him as his best friend, or Ben will get upset. If DP is out with other friends or with me, Ben will blank him for a while. DP often makes light of the fact that we mustn't upset Ben, and acknowledges that he is high maintenance.
DP has chosen not to discuss Ben's behaviour with him.
Last night DP and I went out for another friends bday. We ended up having a discussion about Ben, how I don't trust him. DP says I'm insecure, needy and am being nasty. I said I feel very uneasy about Ben and feel unsupported. We have pretty much broken up. I have worked so hard to remove toxic people from my life, yet here is Ben. Ben spends Xmas with DP and has announced he would be best man if we married. I don't want him in my life or anywhere near me.
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Am I being insecure and irrational?
maristella · 03/05/2013 13:28
XPs other best mate (although he cannot refer to him as a best mate ) is a top bloke, really nice guy. Ben hates him! It was this other friend that Ben made insinuations about, saying that he and I need to be watched!
It is so important, and I don't usually trust people at all
You sound lovely and trusting. You need to stop that 
! Don't be lovely and trusting till they've earned it.
6 months seems to be the usual time scale for twat traits to emerge. And don't say you should have know better. How could you? He was lovely to you, it's hard to keep your guard up but I do think its essential to.
I tried really hard with Ben. He just wouldn't have it! He really upped the ante in recent weeks, he has been hanging out with XPs other friends a lot, even though he hated them until recently
In the last couple of weeks he has made lots of social plans on Facebook, tagging and inviting everyone apart from me. No car space for me etc. Oh well, I've deleted the weirdo 
Because I rushed in like a fool, without really knowing him. I'm usually quite cautious but after a really awful bereavement earlier this year I really let my guard down.
On a slightly more amusing note, guess who XP was ringing for help in the early hours of this morning when I turfed him out? Mummy dearest bless....
I didn't go through with the break up last week, fool that I am.
The tv is his, I need a new tv now! I feel liberated without it, as every time we rowed, he would announce he is taking it.
He has texted today, saying he needs to take a break! 
Err, this is permanent! I haven't replied.
I'm angry, but I know the hurt is coming.
Why were you having any contact with your XP after splitting up. Never mind. Why has he got your telly?
Sounds like Ben has a hold over XP and sounds like XP is dodgy as fuck anyway, ben or no ben. Please don't have any contact with him again. If he contacts you tell him to leave you alone and if he doesn't you will have him done for harassment.
I'm very much a single woman again!
Last week I got quite ill, XP came over and looked after me then sneaked out to see Ben when I fell asleep, returning at 5am!
We talked a lot, XP promised to be more supportive.
He then sat me down the other night and said he's going back to uni, which is great, but won't consider moving in with me until after his degree
It's rejection after rejection with him!
Last night I went out with friends, XP dropped me off, and visited a friend with my DS to have music session. When it was time to leave I went to meet him as we had discussed on the phone half an hour previously.
I got to the area and tried calling. I didn't know which block of flats this friend is in, let alone which flat number. I was outside searching for them for 40 bloody minutes! 
I tried calling about 50 times, I was frantic and felt so bloody vulnerable. I was crying hysterically when XP answered the phone. Back at home I was told to get a grip, so I booted him out. So he's gone, with the tv. DS is cross with me I had to pay for XP to get a cab, as he had left his car at home. An unnecessarily expensive farewell!
I'm sure my ex-B's Ben would have tried it on too. Weird, repressed creep he was.
Sorry about the hangover. Have a 
on me.
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That is exactly what I can imagine Ben doing! But also I think he would try it on nasty little man. I am scared of him.
I have a massive hangover
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