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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is anyone else sick of being berated by their children for daring to be happy,sing, dance or pretty much breathe

50 replies

ledkr · 15/02/2013 10:20

My dd1 who is 11 seems to continuously put me down for anything I do. If I sing in the car she tells me off and I was even moaned at for looking at underwear in asda.
Just now I was dancing with the baby in the lounge and got a great big "mum stop it" then sang a line if "row the boat" to which she raised her voice and sang a louder line.
It sounds stupid but its really getting to me. I am naturally quite loud and muck about a lot which my ds's always found amusing.
She's crying upstairs now because I told her I'm going to be miserable and boring from now on when she's around which included not taking her swimming later in case I'm caught out having fun

OP posts:

AngelWreakinHavoc · 15/02/2013 11:17

My DD who is 11 actively encourages me to goof around. Last night for instance dd, ds who is 6 and myself spent half an hour double dutch skipping in the kitchen with music on. All be it we had no ropes and had to take turns using invisible ropes but my kids love it when I join in with them and their friends dancing ,singing ect.

Kids love it but dp is always a bit

Original poster

ledkr · 15/02/2013 11:19

Angel that's how we've always been untill lately
Dh joins in he does a wicked Beyonce dance lol

OP posts:

DowntonTrout · 15/02/2013 11:19

ledkr I don't talk about it either. It's as if it was another person in another lifetime. I feel quite shy about it actually.

Being on stage in front of thousands of people never bothered me. Nowadays I would shake like a leaf. I was not trained as a singer but had to sing for a part I did and while I mastered the song I can't claim to have a great voice, but it was good enough.

DD is training classically and is in a performance based school. Therefore she knows more than me she certainly sings better than me,nshe has never seen my videos or any of my press cuttings so is oblivious. I am going to keep it that way as that person doesn't exist anymore.

I very occasionally meet someone who goes "OMG you're so and so!" I had a different stage name, and my DD is .

ike1 · 15/02/2013 11:28

My kids alternate between despising me, patronising me and over loving me. You cant win!!!

Floggingmolly · 15/02/2013 11:42

God, Downtown, you sound far from embarrassing! Why don't you want to share all that with your dd? I would.

purrpurr · 15/02/2013 11:48

If you got an apology letter then is it naive of me to think your response to her has hit home in some way? Or is the apology letter a way of getting the swimming trip back?

MadBusLady · 15/02/2013 12:03

I'm going to be miserable and boring from now on when she's around

Look, sorry if you feel you have to jump down my throat as well, but this is exactly the kind of sarky snark my mum used to come out with, and it was fucking horrible, and not in a constructive way. So please, however you tackle it, don't do this. It's not fun to be the teenager and have to act the grown-up and be the one to stop that kind of exchange escalating.

MadBusLady · 15/02/2013 12:15

You know, on reflection, I think MY post sounds jumpy-down-the-throat and passive aggressive too. So take it as a warning! Don't raise your daughter to be like that. I think when you're a teenager pushing boundaries like that what you need is for your parents to be rocks, as far as they can.

fizzpopbang · 15/02/2013 12:17

I think next time she tries to stop you, ask her if she thinks its ok to stop doing something she enjoys if other people tease her? I think her behavior is normal but its also a good opener to how its important to be ourselves regardless, and be proud of who we are... role play funny responses to being teased. ? Good luck whatever you do

carmenelectra · 15/02/2013 13:12

My eldest(13) is totally embarrassed by me, even though I'm not embarrassing aT all. He ignores me in public if he is with his friends, he can't even bear to say hello.

I sing all the time at home only for him to say everytime 'stop singing, you're terrible'.

I will not stop singing in my own house and I tell him this. Unbelievably rude.

Thankfully younger dc's love my singing!

CailinDana · 15/02/2013 13:18

The best response I think is to escalate the "embarrassing" behaviour, good naturedly, so that she learns that complaining only makes things worse. So sing a bit louder, dance a bit crazier, shout about the gussets in Asda :) Oh god my DS is going to loath me when he's a teenager.

FWIW my mother was genuinely embarrassing - she was the worst cunstomer in the world and I actually had to give her a talking to one day because she was so rude and obnoxious in shops. She took it on board, much to my surprise.

oldwomaninashoe · 15/02/2013 13:20

DH used to wind up one of my teenage sons by kissing me in front of him and patting me on the bum.
At 11 he was convinced that we had only had sex four times in our marriage ......(once for each pregnancy)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 15/02/2013 13:26

Ledkr... I can remember behaving horridly like this when I was 11 and onwards. I cringed when I read your post because I was exactly like this... censurious and downright 'bullying' in a way as a parent will not give as good as they get as a peer would.

You can do what you want in your own home. Remind your daughter that it is YOUR home as much as it is HERS and that she doesn't have to join in with the signing and dancing if she doesn't want to. More than that, she can go to her own room and have her privacy.

I wouldn't let her try to curtail my enjoyment of life - she hasn't the right to behave like this, teen hormones or no teen hormones.

Pilgit · 15/02/2013 13:34

My mum always said she found it enjoyable to be embarrassing. I liked to spoil her fun so refused to let it show! In return she refused to et upset about clothes and make up - the stock phrase when presented with mini skirts or something hideous was 'well you're the one who's going to wear it'. could never get a rise out of her (although we never wore skirts shorter than some of hers - true 1960's numbers). Just ignore - she will appreciate not having a boring mother later in life

Pilgit · 15/02/2013 13:35

Callin - are you my mum...? can't be as she is IT illiterate - but the same school of thought

DPotter · 15/02/2013 13:45

My DD is the same - she's 13 and has been telling both DP & I to stop singing/ dancing / etc since she was about 10. We just say parents are meant to embarrass their children as training for the big wide world out there.

In fairness I have agree with DD about DP - he's an enthusiastic singer but completely tone deaf and never can remember lyrics so makes them up........

DPotter · 15/02/2013 13:48

Ooh just remembered - the thing that used to really embarrass me when in my teens - my Mum would talk to anyone- she would strike up conversations in shops, at the bus stop, everywhere. Really made me cringe. And now I find myself chatting away to strangers in shops etc. DD doesn't seem to mind that do much as the singing and dancing - yet.

CogitoErgoSometimes · 15/02/2013 13:50

Definitely ignore it. When DS tells me I'm being embarrassing I cheerfully reply 'I'm your mum... it's in my job description!' Pull rank.

CailinDana · 15/02/2013 13:52

DPotter - my MIL is like that and it embarrasses me to this day! To be fair she goes one better - she blatantly earwigs on conversations then butts in, much to the surprise of the people who think they're just chatting amongst themselves! Totally cringeworthy and really rude.

Pilgit, unless you're posting from the womb I'm not your mum! But if you are posting from my womb, could you get the hell out please? Time's up, quick and neat departure please and thank you.

akaemmafrost · 15/02/2013 14:25

I sing louder and do it more (whatever is annoying them) they usually laugh.

thegreylady · 15/02/2013 16:19

My dm sang every single lyric she knew to the tune of Danny Boy [off key] now that was embarrassing when I had friends round :)

SquinkiesRule · 15/02/2013 16:56

You could use it to your advantage, you know she's mortified at you singing and dancing, and you can use it to keep her in line. Threaten to do it in front of her friends, or the living room window or the middle of Asda when she's with you My boys used to do the eye roll, fingers in the ears, telling me to stop. I used to laugh and look at them and do it louder. They did eventually mellow out and laugh.

mrscoleridge · 15/02/2013 19:03

I got told off this morning cos I drive too slowly and am not cool, we got overtaken by a mobile library so maybe kids had a point. I said the driver must have been a fast reader, they did not laugh

Original poster

ledkr · 15/02/2013 19:33

She's got a friend staying who is actually my friends dd so knows me well.
She's the same age but a bit more marure in her ways.
I was cooking tea and they had missy Elliot playing so every time dd wasn't looking I danced and wiggled my bum.
The friend and I were in hysterics but dd didn't know why.
mrscole at being overtaken by a mobile library.

OP posts:

SaggyOldClothCatpuss · 15/02/2013 19:54

Lol! I just do it more and tell them to stop being so boring!

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