DPs table manners

[thisisfartoohonest]

This seems so daft when writing it down, but here goes. I really don't like my DP's table manners. We got together when we were young and carefree and I never noticed them, probably because we never sat down for proper meals then. But now that we have young dc I care more as I want them to have nice table manners. He eats on his elbows, and scoffs his food. Do you think I am being totally unreasonable?

[SolidGoldFrankensteinandmurgh]

I do think that if someone is intensely precious about table manners, that person needs to work on getting over him/herself a little bit. While it's selfish to eat like a wolverine when it distresses your dinner companions (slobbering, food everywhere, noises and smells...) it's equally selfish to pick away constantly at trivia such as using the right spoon to the extent that other people can't enjoy their food for worrying about the next thing they do that might make you start whining or giving them martyred looks.

[ClippedPhoenix]

Never call anyone a cunt because a cunt is useful

[Helltotheno]

Of course you're not a cunt.. I said worse on this thread. That said, I thought your comments about your sister were nasty... just because she licks a knife the odd time, she got the 'oh she's so used to being a sad singleton alone that she's completely lost the run of herself and... shock horror... licks her knife. How weird'. Maybe you don't realise how badly that came across?

[ImperialBlether]

You're calling me a cunt because I wouldn't sit opposite a man who ate like that? Really? Says more about your eating habits than anything else, DDiggler.

[FairhairedandFrustrated]

And you sound so much better Diggler

[GrimAndHumourlessAndEven]

oh come on Diggler, that's a really horrid post

[DDiggler]

Imperial you just come across as a cunt tbh. I feel for the bloke that has to put up with your precious attitude.

[ImperialBlether]

You deserve better, CominThroughTheWry. Everyone does.

How can you stand to sit opposite him? He's disgusting and he's disrespectful. I couldn't do it.

[MaryMungoAndMidgies]

My partner licks glasses, cups, knives and plates. He slurps everything - hot or cold - noisily. He chews with his mouth open and speaks with his mouth full. He scrapes bowls and plates to get every last bit and his teeth bite and scrape against the cutlery.

I have tried very hard not to do things that annoy him. I do believe there needs to be some sort of give and take. I mentioned quietly how much it upset me and he said that he could behave how he wanted as it was his house. I was told to stop picking and back off.

Do you get used to it over time? I read somewhere that it is also bad manners to say to someone that they have poor table manners. I am guilty of this. I admit it.

One of my old employers interviewed applicants then took them out for dinner. He told me he couldn't bear the thought of sitting across from someone who showed him their half chewed food every lunchtime and hired accordingly.

[BelleDameSousMistletoe]

Who said it "defined a person" for me? I just said I don't like it and that it is considered bad manners (which it is). Hardly defining someone. You could be a saint for all I know.

Sounds more like my preference for nice manners is actually what you"re using to define me.

[Helltotheno]

In UK society??? ho hum...

Well as it happens I don't lick knives myself but am a serial 'elbows on the table' offender so shoot me.... i guess if breaking those arbitrary rules is what defines a person for you, there it is.... I could say the same about my intolerance for noisy eating (I think that's actually a condition, I can't remember the name of it...)

[SomersetONeil]

/\ /\

[BelleDameSousMistletoe]

It's no more morally wrong to lick a knife than it is to not say please or thank you. It's just considered poor manners in UK society. Up to you entirely if you choose to lick it but don't be surprised if it raises eyebrows from those of us who are less rebellious.

[ImperialBlether]

For me too, rufussmum. How can you bear it?

[Helltotheno]

rufussmum that would be an LTB situation for me unfortunately..

[Helltotheno]

whether it's all the years of living alone that let her think that's acceptable.

The knife licking thing is a construct arbitrarily imposed by some parts of Western society... hell in some places around the world (yes, there is a great big world out there ) they don't even use knives, much less lick em (shock \o/)...

It's not 'wrong'.. will I go to prison if I lick a knife? Is it morally wrong? How is it unacceptable to lick one piece of stainless steel and acceptable to lick another????

[gettingeasier]

God rufussmum thats more than a bit sad

I have never encountered this problem but my BF was regaling me with tales of her new mans dreadful manners. I thought she was hamming it up a bit for the story but now reading all this maybe not.

Table manners are hugely important to me , I spent years tediously telling the DC to "hold your fork properly" "sit round and face the table" and remember that side of parenting as deathly dull but I am glad I did now.

If I wasnt living with the culprit I could get through a meal or two a week but every meal in perpetuity ???

[shrimponastick]

Have family dinner to attend tonight, I will be biting my tongue (not whilst chewing with my mouth politely closed) not to nag DN who hasn't been taught how to handle cutlery yet aged 10. Sigh.....

[ImperialBlether]

I would feel ill if I had to eat with some of the people described here. How do you enjoy your food? It seems sad to never eat with your partner, but I'd prefer that than sit opposite them.

I have sat opposite my sister - a very middle class, middle aged teacher, who has licked her knife. It makes me want to stop eating. With her, I wonder whether it's all the years of living alone that let her think that's acceptable.

I'd rather not eat than be uncomfortable when I'm eating. If I had to listen to someone eat, or watch them eat really fast, or watch food falling out of their mouth, then I wouldn't want to eat another mouthful and, frankly, I'd want out of the relationship. It's bad manners and disrespectful and really, really ugly.

[peeriebear]

My college boyfriend (MC, from a lovely polite family, not wolves) used to eat like bigger boys were coming- cramming it in so fast it was painful to watch. I mentioned it several times but he didn't give a shit!

[rufussmum]

...and he always manages to leave mess on the table and often down his front.

[rufussmum]

My DH eats noisily with his mouth open - I can see the food - sticks out his tongue to lick round his mouth then uses the back of his hand as a napkin, wolfs his food down so fast I'm left half-way though mine eating alone. While eating he is constantly eyeing the dishes in preparation for seconds. I have posted on here before about us having no conversation to speak of so mealtimes tend to be silent too.
He also has had adenoid trouble so makes a vile snorting and swallowing mucous sound every so often that really turns my stomach. I have tried telling him politely but nothing changes. I now dread going out for meals because there seems little point and I hate sitting in silence. Bit sad really.

[BelleDameSousMistletoe]

It's just me then?

I can't bear bad table manners (including elbows on table, knife licking, etc). The only thing I have learned to tolerate is holding knife like a pen. I hate it but since it's equally bad manners to point these things out I keep it zipped!

[ClippedPhoenix]

Ohh Im at home, and my home is my castle therefore I will do exactly what I want to do in my "castle" so fuck you wifey.

[SomersetONeil]

Well, licking a knife is so ingrained into me as a Bad Thing, that seeing somone do it is like fingernails down a blackboard. Irrational, middle class sensibilities, no doubt about; complete social conditioning at work - absolutely.

But the fact is that other people feel like this as well, and getting on well in social situations is really, really important.

I internally judge when I see someone holding their pen like a knife. I know that it doesn't matter a single iota how someone holds their knife as long as they get it into the mouth neatly, but still, against my better nature, I judge. People just do. It's human nature.

Most cutlery placings, just have the diner work from the outside in, so it's nothing more than ease and logic, really...