So so down not sure what's happening to us

[Whatshappenedtous]

I'm new to mums net was recommended by a friend. I seem to having a real rough time with my fiancée.
In the last couple of months he has been talking to me like a child picking fights with me and turning every thing I say into the opposite of what I mean.
We are not getting on at all and to be honest it's started to wear me down I feel so low we argue and he puts me down calling me names like dumb bitch and worthless
I feel like I can't talk to him and like he wants a seen but not heard wife ??
I'm so so unhappy the hardest thing is we have 2 young DD together and have been together for 4 years.
He has threatened he would make my life hell if we split and he would take my girls.
Also when we argue he says I have to understand him and shut up and get on with life.
I don't understand how to make this work :( :(

[AbigailAdams]

Oh please Whatshappenedtous listen to the wonderful women on this thread. He is awful and you deserve so much better. There is so much about him that is abusive: the silent treatment, the name calling and belittling, the refusal to do any of the real work around the house, the expectation you are there to serve, obey and agree with him.

He would have Bob Hope and No Hope of getting your girls as he doesn't actually provide any care now. It is an empty threat and judging by his manner he doesn't even want them he is just using them.as a threat against you .

[Twattergy]

If he doesn't ever help with the kids and makes you miserable I really feel you would be better off without him.

[Anniegetyourgun]

And yet he says he wants to take them full time . He'll have a hard time convincing the court of that.

[Whatshappenedtous]

He never actually helps me with them either I do all the night feeds both still wake and do everything with them
In the day change feed bath he never does anything

[Whatshappenedtous]

Thanks for all your messages ladies Calin your message made me smile many a times I've wanted to pass him his dinner and say here's your dinner u thick twat but in our 4 year relationship I have never swore at him!!
I completely understand where you are all coming from. Today to avoid him I took myself and my 2 babies out of our house so him and his brother could 'work' as they run a business from our house and I couldn't be doing with the agro I get when he is around like I'm a piece of shit on his shoe! So I went to my friends house. I also would love love love a day to myself I don't remember the last time I had a day on my own. Even when I go for a bath even if he is in I have to take one of the girls in the bouncer because he says he can't handle them both I was so stressed out last night I started I cry and he just walked past me. May I add my girls are 18 months and 8 months

[Twattergy]

I'm afraid 'dumb bitch' would be a deal breaker for me. How can you ever feel comfortable or trusting in a man who calls the mother of his children that? You deserve better.

[CailinDana]

Oh and I DO NOT buy the idea that a man doesn't realise he's doing it or "doesn't know better." Of course he bloody well does! He doesn't call his mother or his boss a "dumb bitch" I bet. Also I seriously doubt that on their first date he called the OP a "dumb bitch" or said "will you marry me you dumb bitch?" Abusive men like this sense at some point in the relationship that they no longer have to be respectful or polite and start on the abuse. If they genuinely didn't know better no one would go out with them because no woman would say yes if a man said "Would you like a drink you stupid cunt?"

[CailinDana]

Basically you shouldn't have to force or convince your partner to show you respect.

[CailinDana]

Grannie, if a grown man still doesn't understand that he shouldn't call his partner a "dumb bitch" and "worthless" then there's not much hope for him. I think your idea that the OP just needs to stand up to him and he'll back down is really naive.

[Lovingfreedom]

Calling someone a dumb bitch and worthless is not part of the normal ups and downs of a relationship....neither is threatening to make someone's life hell if they leave you.

[Lovingfreedom]

He can't take your children and he probably wouldn't want to in reality anyway. He's threatening you and bullying you. You might love him, but you can get over that especially if you concentrate on making a better life for yourself and your DCs.

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

And don't... whatever you do... marry this person. If he treats you this badly now, imagine how badly he'll behave once he thinks you are 'his'. Brr....

[CogitoErgoSometimes]

Domestic abuse often starts with the arrival of the first child. Threats to make your life hell and threats to take your children if you stand up to him or leave are abusive. Calling you terrible names is abusive. Picking fights for no reason is abusive.

You say you feel trapped - I'm presuming by the threats? Give Womens Aid a call and see what options are open to you if you want to break free. This man sounds like a nasty piece of work and, the longer you stick around, I think the worse he'll get.

[AnyFucker]

grannie's solutions are relying on the OP''s partner being a decent person with a conscience

so, pretty much destined to fail, and possibly give him more inroads to treat her abominably

[granniegrunt]

NO its not! He needs to be told its not. Perhaps this is how he was spoken to and thinks its acceptable. He's a bully and needs to be stood up to or he will keep doing it

[dequoisagitil]

Yeah right, telling your wife she's a dumb bitch is just part of the 'normal' shouting match.

[granniegrunt]

There have been a good few shouting matches during my marriage..ha ha. I have two well balanced "children" now adults with children of their own who have made fantastic parents. Write down in a letter how you feel and leave it for him to read. Ask him to do the same. Explain how bad it makes you feel when he calls you names or ignores you. Tell him you love about him and ask him what he loves about you

[dequoisagitil]

The silent treatment is abusive.
Verbal abuse is unacceptable.
He has told you directly that he doesn't want you to express your feelings or pain and that you should STFU and put up with it.

This is not a man that loves you.

[Damash12]

Get the hell out of this relationship. It sounds awful and I know I'm not stuck in it so it seems easier for me to say it but this will drive you crazy, undermine you and get harder the longer it continues. This is abuse and you will be happier with your girls away from it. Good luck x

[granniegrunt]

Ive been married for 38yrs...relationships aren't easy...they take a lot of work and give and take. Don't fall down at the first hurdle but don't let him abuse you either. You must stand up to him when he talks to you like that. Let him know you mean business and wont be walked all over and never make threats you are not prepared to carry out.

[Whatshappenedtous]

Life in our house after post argument is torture

[Whatshappenedtous]

It is the silence that kills it. It makes me feel young like my dad use to make me feel.....
I try to talk but he hold a grudge for days