Hubby told me not to buy kids any more toys for Xmas :/

[Cheekychops84]

So what do I get a 7,5 and 2 month old!? He is such a Scrooge ! He is from a third world country mind and had no toys ! He see's them as clutter but I can't not buy them can I !?

[dysfunctionalme]

Well that's lovely that he had freedom and sunshine and big outdoor spaces for play, but again, it's worlds away from his children's lives.

I think he needs to wake up a bit.

I'm a big believer in getting kids outside and trying not to go the whole consumeristic hog but jeez he does sound unrealistic. Kids like to play, kids make mess. Or in their eyes, they are exploring, experimenting, learning... as they should be.

[cory]

Surely the point of buying a Christmas present for a 2 mo is that it will be of use to him at some stage during the coming year. A 2mo may not play with much but a 13mo will- and it's a whole year until next Christmas.

[NotYouNaanBread]

BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts - my MIL goes heavily into debt for Christmas every year. If she has a spending problem when it comes to gift-giving, I'm not going to try to compete so my children don't think I'm the odd one.

[greeneyed]

Umm, we are talking about "less" toys this year mainly because dc has so many that he still plays with and really doesn't need anynore but we will still get some and other useful stuff, clothes etc but all with characters on so he's not thinking oh great it's just a jumper. He will get loads of toys from relatives though. OP it seems your dh has principally selfish reasons for this, I would go out and buy toys regardless because it's so unreasonable. Offred I don't agree with your statement that kids don't need toys. Adults don't "need" televisions, mobile phones, etc etc etc it's all relative. Also toys do serve a purpose, children do learn through play.

[BigFatLegsInWoolyTIghts]

naan I am not suggesting you do....but you should limit the gifts from MIL so that you can give a more balanced selection too.

[Jojoba1986]

My DH didn't have 'normal' Christmases when he was young for religious reasons. This meant no toys, no tree, no decorations... He says he did feel a little like he was missing out occasionally but that he didn't see it as a big deal because that's just the way things were in his family!

Now that we have DS we've decided that we're not really going to 'do Santa' as such but that we would wrap up his new Christmas outfit for him to open first thing & he'll have just one present from us under the tree. This is poles apart from the way my foster sister does things - she basically bankrupts herself buying literally dozens of presents each for her 2 DDs (including an iPad this year for the 9yo!) despite the fact that she's living off benefits!

I think this is something you really need to be discussing with your DH - they are both of your children & you need to come to some sort of agreement & present a united front. My DH didn't have a conventional childhood but he's a lovely man now. My eldest niece is demanding & acts like she has a right to have whatever she wants. One guess which upbringing I would rather my children had!

[Offred]

Greeneyed - no children don't need toys and adults don't need mobile phones. Because a child might benefit from some toys doesn't mean a. They need them or b. they should have three each every birthday and Christmas/so many they don't appreciate them anymore. Need isn't relative in that context.

I find it interesting that so many people are missing that the op's children already have toys, her husband thinks the children don't need more because they don't look after the ones they have by losing bits straight away as the op said meaning they need to be chucked or not tidying them up, he had also not banned her from buying any toys but from buying any more than she already has. Nor has he banned presents or Christmas, just more toys. He's unreasonable for dictating this in my mind but not feeling it especially when the op has explained she has form for overbuying.

Buying too much for children just teaches them to measure love in terms of stuff. I think it is about balance and I think that's what the op's oh is saying too just in a controlling way. I do not think it is fair for people to say it is an objectively unreasonable position to take.

Some of the stuff on here about Christmas being about toys? Wtf? Not Christian but no time is ever about toys, Christmas is about family and being jealous of other children and showing love in quantities of toys is absolutely crazy. Someone will always give more stuff to their children than you, that's quite a good thing for a child to learn about - how toys are made, what they cost, where they come from and what Christmas and families are actually about, what love is and how it is really shown rather than feeling they are unloved because they "only" got an iPad rather than an iPad, an Xbox and a trip to Disney like someone in their class.

Some kids can have all the stuff they ever imagined and none of the things they really need. That's apart from the silly plan some people are putting forward to undermine the oh in a tit for tat way buy just buying more stuff anyway.

[Bubblegum78]

I would stand up for yourself in this situation, I am very good at comprimising but I wouldn't stand for it, sorry. x

[greeneyed]

It's not just about the toys of course and you talk some sense offred, albeit imo in quite an idealist way as someone who got very little as a child, and almost always 2nd hand) not sure what it taught me except to feel disapointed and unloved) for us Christmas is about tradition, anticipation and excitement the magic that is your kid waking up on christmas day after weeks of build up knowinf father christmas has been and there is a big pile of presents. I know it sounds shallow but I'm noty sure what we could do as a family which would invoke the same happiness as unwrapping buzz lightyear.

[dysfunctionalme]

I think that if the dh wants his kids to have a childhood like his, which is how it sounds, then how about he takes them outside at every opportunity - to the playgrounds and parks, to forest walks, to museums and libraries, for neighbourhood walks etc, all those wholesome and low cost activities that children love and appreciate (yet can be a bit of a pain to keep doing).

And I agree with posters who have suggested compromise; offred is right that children do not need toys; what they need is food & water, shelter, love & guidance, and education. Anything more is a luxury and the kids down the road having it does not qualify it as a need.

Besides, strength of spirit and appreciation of simplicity are v fine qualities to encourage in your children.

I actually think that young children, like the OP's, are usually content with low cost gifts and it is when they get a bit older and become more susceptible to cynical advertising/peer pressure, that the "cost" of gifts tends to go up a bit. And I agree that the 2mo needs no toys.