Anyone else had a partner with sports addictions

[Neeliethere]

After my previous thread I've been giving so much thought to where and what went wrong with my marriage. I do this to help me understand where I went wrong too. I am a strong believer in accepting responsibility for what our lives have in them. I can't put all the blame on him.

So to that end I want to ask a question of some of you. I have always thought my OH very rigid in his behaviour. It is very difficult to alter plans in fact I would say impossible. He had a drink issue a few years ago in as much that once he started he couldn't stop and would just keep going until either no one would serve him he would fall over, or on more than one occasion was arrested. This stopped pretty abruptly several years ago. He would occasionally go a bit over the top if he went out but that hasn't occurred for at least 7 years I think. This binge drinking did at one time result in a stay in a local psychiatric ward. He claimed his drink was spiked, his nurse claimed it was alcohol induced paranoia. This happened twice six months apart and he kept it a secret from me the first time but I found out about it just as it was happening the second time. Nothing like it has happened since as far as I am aware but I have wondered if he has got close and realised and backed off the booze for fear it was happening again and not let on. There have been occasions when I found his behaviour a bit odd and irrational if I am brutally honest but put it down to anger and frustration at not getting his own way or being stressed.

But I keep wondering what it was that made me feel so angry so much of the time. I am coming to the realisation that he just has an addictive personality that causes some pretty bizarre behaviour and selfishness.

I would like to explain how I come to this opinion and ask what others think of it.

Football: He has followed the same team that his father followed and probably his grandfather before that. His mood is affected by how the team has done each Saturday. He gets pretty euphoric if they win, and is unbearably snappy and critical of us all if they lose. I have noticed a strange smile on his face for hours afterwards if they beat any particular rival teams. He tries to avoid being on holiday once the season has started in August. He cannot go a Saturday without either listening to the match on the radio or watching it on a live stream on the computer, once the computer stream went down and was shouting at the internet provider threatening to sue. If we go to a wedding or something like that he will sneak out to the car to listen on the radio. If we are in the car going somewhere we are not allowed to speak and he gets quite uptight if he misses a moment of the commentary. My 13 year old daughter said that she had to stop him listening whilst driving her to a party once. He was proposing to listen on the connection on his Iphone through earphones whilst he was driving because it wasn't on the radio that afternoon. He organises visiting his elderly mother around the match weekends so he can go. That is not that often around 4 times a year normally. He spends hours and hours on a forum about his team discussing all aspects of the team and how it is run etc etc. This activity usually results in missing or forgetting to do things he was doing. i.e burnt dinners or boiled dry kettles, small kitchen fires etc etc. He has, on occasions, taken time off work to go to a match when I have thought him to be at work. He has not always admitted to this afterwards, actually he has never admitted it, I just found out a few times. He thought I should just laugh about it and indulge him his little whim.

Golf: He has been a member of a golf club at all times throughout a married life. Even in times when we are pretty hard up. When I was expecting our first child he joined a club in secret and denied it when I found out. After our daughter was born he continued in this vein and throughout our marriage. He often takes time off work to play unknown to me, I have just found out a few times. When I let him know I know I he becomes very agitated and hostile. He spends thousands of £s on new equipment every each year. He spends every spare minute swinging a club in the garden either recording his swing to show a coach at the club on the computer. Practising his swing in front of the patio doors watching his reflection trying to perfect it. He practices putting in the house usually along the hall carpet. He has damaged light fittings and put holes in the ceiling practicing his swing in the house. He polishes his golf clubs every time he plays using household cleaners, dusters my nail brush. He refuses to do this in the utility room but in the bathroom. He uses towels from the airing cupboard to dry them off. He usually keeps his golf clubs in the house, quite often in the bedroom inside the wardrobe - refusing to put them in the garage where I think they belong. He has lessons a couple of times a week. He plays a couple of time a week. He goes out to get a pint of milk and ends up hitting a bucket of balls at the local driving range. He takes his golf clubs wherever he goes - they reside in the boot of his car all the time . They are permanently at his side in his car or in his bedroom. He keeps many sets of clubs not just one. He spends and hours trawling the net looking at new golf equipment and discussing golf equipment on the forums with other golfers. If he is injured he still carries on playing making his injuries worse. Two years ago he developed a lump on his shoulder due to carrying his bag around so much. He ignored and it turned nasty nearly costing him is arm and some of his shoulder muscle. When majors are on he will watch them throughout even staying up until the early hours if they are in the US meaning he gets a couple of hours before getting up for work. He will become pretty distressed if the internet connection goes down whilst he is watching. He will watch the matches on the net even when we are entertaining - usually by sitting there with the laptop computer on his lap. Once when I said that I couldn't take the morning off work to enable him to play a golf match and not look after our daughter he put his fist through a wall. We are on holiday at the moment without him. He is playing golf every day according to my daughter. When we left to come on holiday he was walking around with his head bent sideways because he had hurt his neck. He has no clothes apart from clothes for golfing clothes. I tell a lie he recently purchased a blazer for the golf club formal get togethers. A few years ago he couldn't even afford to buy a car for work as he was paying off his golf club membership so cycled to work 30 miles a day because I refused to let him have my car. He also books a golfing holiday with other golfing friends every year without fail whether he can afford it or not. Over the last three years his mother has given him large sums of money to enable some of this spending to take place. He keeps this money a secret from us.

So that takes up the year basically. But dear reader, you may be surprised to learn that he also manages to fit in road bike collecting. He has no less than three complete bikes and a couple of frames and bits to make a further two. Again he spends many hours on the internet discussing, looking for and reading about these bikes. These are in the main vintage circa 1970 specialist road bikes of Italian origin. They are in the garage (they were in the bedroom until I threw a hissy fit earlier this year) and they are valued circa £10,000 collectively. However, we cannot afford any house maintenance such as guttering leaking, facia falling off, fencing rotting, etc etc because basically we are skint. Apparently this state of affairs is my fault because I wanted to move house when our daughter was no longer able to sit up in her bed. Her bed had been built on a platform over the stairs in our tiny two up two down Victorian cottage purchases when we were a two income, childless couple.

When we first got together I tried, as so many of us do, to take in interest in his hobbies as I considered them to be part of him. However, I soon realised that these hobbies are all consuming and that there actually was no room for anything else. He shows absolutely no interest in anything me and my daughter do. She used to swim for a club but didn't want to continue. She complained that every time she looked up from her swimming training or competition swimming dad was looking at something on his Iphone. She lost interest and finally refused to go. Such a waste as she had so much talent. I tried to tell him that she needs to feel we are interested in what she does not just what we want her to do. He says that kids expect too much attention these days!

So tell me am I a demanding control freak as he is saying I am or am I well rid? What is the consensus of opinion, obsessive nutter, addict, or just a bloke?

[Katisha]

Sounds like you need a proper divorce with proper contact stuff in place. Do go and see a solicitor rather than trying to second gues what he may or may not do.

I am a bit confused - what do you mean "I have read posts where his plan appears to be..." - is he writing somewhere on the internet as well?.

[Neeliethere]

Ah yes. He is on a forum about divorce legal matters. I know this as he uses the same forum name wherever he goes.

[Neeliethere]

And I had posted a question on the same site and he saw it. Sent me an email telling the answer to my questions!!!!

[Katisha]

OK well def time to see an actual, in the flesh solicitor then! Never mind the internet!