Are artists selfish? / Are women more likely to give up on their dreams?

[mmebovarycestmoi]

Someone posted here a while ago about her DH who was a "failed artist" who didn't earn very much and lots of posters said that artists are selfish (because they want to do what they love, instead of getting a job they hate to pay the bills).

Well, I identified with the DH, as right now I decided to give a try at art to see if I have any talent. I'm on my thirties and have always wanted to do that, but never had the courage. Now with small DC I can't get a job anyway (childcare costs more than I earn, so there's no point), so DH and I decided I shall try.

But at the same time I'm excited, there is a voice in my head saying: "Most people have to endure day after day in an office doing something they hate to bring money home, why do you think you are special? Why would it be fair that you spend the day doing what you love when your DH (and most of the world) is putting up with a stressful job?"

But some artists do exactly that, don't they? They do what they love and are paid for that. Some very well paid, some not so much.

Having said that, I started to think that this "guilty trip" is more frequent in women. I have a feeling more women give up their dreams because of pressures from family, friends, etc. Or maybe they just make it more clear than men? (I mean, the men who give up their dreams hide it better?)

The point is I didn't go very far in my career until now because I need some passion to do my job. Without passion I jujst do a rusbbish or mediocre job. Is this selfish? Immature? Or is it just the way some people are wired?

Now that I finally have a chance to try to do what I love, I have to make peace with this voice in my head, otherwise I won't get too far. Does it make any sense? I think I'm just asking for some points of view here, to try and understand things, and understand myself on the way.

[GrendelsMum]

Hope you don't mind me saying this but (coming from a similar position) I think that you're quite scared by the thought of becoming a professional artist. Suddenly you're going from a dream to a reality, and you know that it's going to be a bumpy ride and there will be drudgery and hard times ahead, and that you may face many failures. I think it's quite reasonable to be scared, but please, go ahead anyway.

I went to a family party recently with two cousins, both of whom trained as artists. One is still doggedly pursuing the dream, and the other has given it up. It seemed a real pity, compared to her early promise (which was actually commercial).

[mmebovarycestmoi]

Grendelsmum, you bet I'm scared! One thing is to think I'm very talented and "one day" will do what I love. Other thing is to have to face the possibility of not being very good (I know moderate talent + persistence can go a long way, but still...). And even if I'm good, there will be negatives and rejections on a regular basis, to make me question everything. I'm dreading it all.

I know, I know, that's what I'm signing for. I'm going ahead! I think even if you're bad, it's sad to give up on dreams...

[GirlWithTheMouseyHair]

that IS the most terrifying thing - having enough faith in yourself to just go for it, especially if you already feel that "selfish" label others might put on you, you feel like you have more to lose if you "fail" (others' terminology, not mine!!)

Yup, am London based, but DH wants to leave London, we've agreed on Brighton, in his head within the next two years, in mine not until I'm getting regular enough work that allows me to keep coming to London. Maybe looks initially selfish but if we move too soon I'll be isolated and not working so will inevitably get very down and resent both him and our move = lots of heartarche for everyone, so I reckon less selfish to do it when the time is right and EVERYPONE is happy!

Def find yourself some support, I go to weekly coffee mornings with other parents who are directors at a similar level as me, to thrash this stuff out, ave a bit of a bitch about it and to sort it out to make it all work, it's a lifeline!!

[SirGin]

I don't want to rain on your parade but do you actually have any arts training ?

I spent 5 years at art school before becoming a commercial artist and unless you're a genius with untapped natural skills you may need to think about getting some training. I don't think you can just become an artist one day to the next.

The artists I know work incredibly hard to keep their heads above water. It's probably 15-20% artistic activity and 80% hard graft trying to get commissions and grants.

I love what I currently do, and the male female split where I work is very close to 50:50, but there isn't a single person here who didn't spend years in an art school developing their skills.

[mmebovarycestmoi]

I'm sorry, I didn't notice there were new posts in this thread...

Girlwiththemousyhair, that's amazing that you've got a group of parents who are also directors! I'm trying to make a group of parents as well, but it's not easy to find people doing the same thing, at the same level, willing to meet in a weekday. Maybe I'm looking in the wrong places, but still...

Anyway, I agree with your reasoning that if you go to Brighton too soon, it can be bad for your career and bring resentment.

SirGin, don't worry about raining in my parade :) (your point is absolutely fine, and even if it wasn't, I have to thicken my skin if I want to follow this career) I have training (and experience) in an area related to the one I want to work on. I'm not coming to it completely inexperienced, although I lack contacts and some technique.

And I appreciate that a great part of the work is not "doing art." I'm prepared for all that - in theory. It's the daily routine that remains to be seen...

[MarshaBrady]

All the admin, opportunities, exhibitions and dealing with collectors can be looked after by the gallery. Lots don't do commissions. Then the artist can just concentrate on doing great work rather than spending a large percentage of time on mundane stuff.

There is split in how people work but it's between those with children and those without. Much harder after having them to have the unadulterated free time in which you can work without distraction.