just everything

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

I dont even know where to start!
My GP has put me on anti-depressants as of last friday, and i feel like there making me feel worse as well as a bit ill.
I broke down about a month ago, my baby was not sleeping well and not taking her feeds well and i think i just got to the end of my tether and cracked just as my husband was about to leave for work! I told him i was not happy and felt isolated and hate living where we do.
felt a bit better after getting that off my chest,and we had a long chat when he was finished work and he said we would look into moving back north.

Now i just feel i'm getting so unhappy here, there's more that happened just before we married and i lost my best friend because of it, and i've never been able to talk to anyone because ofit.

[LittleMissHissingFirecracker]

Honey, depression does make you feel that. don't allow it head space, that's what it wants you to do.

You are the same person, but your chemicals are a little unbalanced, it's not you.

I remember the day the depression curtain came down, it was like night and day. But it's a false curtain. depression loves you to isolate you.

keep talking to your H, go talk to someone about your feelings about the texts etc, try and get yourselves on relate counselling, and work together to get through this.

Get H to commit to helping you more day to day, to give you a little slack, until you have gathered enough strength to fight this, and start to win.

You have a lot of hills to climb, but they can all be climbed, one step at a time.

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

I dont know if it is the AD's making me feel like that?
Still waiting for the sleepless nights! lol seem to be the opposite getting great sleep!

oh yes i have chocolate, bag of maltesers. yum.

[mumonthenet]

well done coconuts, enjoy your evening, got any chocolate too?

could it be the Ad's still making you feel weird?

Once you start to feel better about yourself, and stronger, and less tired from sleepless nights, you will be able to decide what else you want to change in your life. Littlemisshissing has some good advice.

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

well my husband working til 8pm tonight. I've just put my little tinkerbell down for the night, got a few candles on cosied up on couch watching strictly and xfactor.

Still feel like there is something changed? i dont know?

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

We've talked about it alot, but its still an issue, then he feels horrible and has a guilt trip.
As for moving bak north, he's not keen on it even though he's said he would.

I know that he does care and love me and i him, but i feel like there is something that has changed in me? i dont know what.

[LittleMissHissingFirecracker]

Trouble is, when you open up and talk to a guy about stuff, they think they have to fix it.

Perhaps try talking to him and telling him, I don't expect you to fix this, and it's not your place to, but I'm feeling overwhelmed and I need your practical help and emotional support.

I think the fact that he said he would look at moving back up north speaks volumes. he clearly cares for you, but perhaps doesn't know to show it.

Suggest that he can help practically with helping you with some of the tasks you have to do, when he can of course.

You can and will get through this. It's understandable you are feeling like this.

You need to try and do something every day that will help you fight this, to help you feel better about yourself.

If all you can do in a day is get yourself showered and dressed, that is still an achievement when depressed! You are doing well, are fighting this and will win.

Be kind to yourself,

[mumonthenet]

coconuts,

don't DO anything at present, but take good care of yourself and your baby. Probably your anxiety is a side-effect of the AD's. Just try to relax, treat yourself well, get some sleep, eat something you love, light scented candles, you and your baby are the priority at the moment. Tomorrow, plan a weekend back home to see your family and friends.

Then, when you're feeling calmer, which you will, you can address the probs with your dh.

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

?

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

i dont know what to do, jst feel like there's nothing left in me anymore?

[tesrocks]

Hi coconuts, I have had a v rough time with my DH and one night when we were out with 3 other couples I just broke down - think the wine might of helped!

Anyhow since then these 3 friends who I only used to see/speak to once or twice a year are there for me. We e-mail, meet up for coffee and generally support one another. I now know their lives aren't perfect and they need me as much as I need them.

Basically a good friend will be there for you. However I do think you need to sit your DH down and make him listen, explain that you are still hurting and might be happier on your own if this can't be resolved. I think men sometimes like to keep their heads down and fingers crossed that everything is OK when its not. Good luck x

[mumonthenet]

Coconuts, just seen this thread and just want to send you some good vibes. Sorry you're having a tough time. I think it was a great idea to email your old friend. If she's a good friend she'll remain so, even if she thinks your dh is twant. I hope she replies soon.

I'll have to post and run but hopefully someone else will be along soon.

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

please help?

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

It's so hard sometimes, i try and talk to him about everything and he does listen but quite often its over with in 10mins! grr. and i still feel like its not completely resolved.

whats worrying me now is i seem to be having thoughts of being on my own, as in us not together.

[LittleMissHissingFirecracker]

I'm sure that part of you has not forgiven him.

That's understandable, the situation has not been dealt with. You can't just sweep that all under the carpet, and hope it all goes away. The immediate pain might, but the resentment and loss of trust won't.

Have you suggested counselling? I think now, more than ever, some relate counselling might help you both. It'll definitely help you to have a safe and supportive place to talk out your feelings.

You need to calmly talk to your DH and tell him that you are struggling to cope with everything and any help he can offer you will really help get you all back on a better footing and help you find your way back to being you.

If it helps to organise your thoughts, write down the stuff you do, all of it and ask him what tasks he could take on, so that you are no longer overwhelmed.

If going back home up north would be helpful to you, then look into it. It's not going to happen overnight anyway, but if it gives you hope and something to look forward to, check it out!

Hope you are having a good day today!

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

we have been married for 3years.

[Antalya1]

Sorry I completely disagree with your friend abandoning you. No matter what happens your friends should be there for you, in a way it's similar if a grown child follows a path that you disagree with, you wouldn't abandon them, neither would you say I told you so if it all went belly up. I would always be there for close friends, I have done things that they disagree with and vice versa, but we're there to support each other, not judge and cop out when the going gets rough.

I agree with how ADs can make you feel at first, it does take a couple of months to settle down and really start to kick-in.

You can't ignore the sex-texting, but probably at the moment by the sounds of it you don't feel strong enough to deal with this. You will, but maybe not for a couple of months or so. There certainly seems to be some talking that you have to do when you're feeling more on an even keel.

The house move sounds like a good idea, feeling isolated will only compound things, can you get your house on the market and then at least you may feel as though you are heading in the right direction and more importantly you may feel better that you have made a positive step.

[LittleMissHissingFirecracker]

How long have you been married. What I'm asking is how long ago did he do this again?

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

I knew the tablets would probably make me feel worse before better. i'm tired and feeling a bit sick with them but i'm not loosing any sleep, my baby is up once through the night, sleeping through for the first time one night lastweek was just wonderful.:-)

I know i'm really bad at keeping things to myself and just bottling it.

i think there is still a part of me that hasn't forgiven him for it. so i should also say that he slipped and done it a month after the wedding. felt like throwing him out but i didn't,just tried to ignore it.

its affected things in the bedroom dept for me, even now!

[LittleMissHissingFirecracker]

Depression affects way more than just your mood, it affects the body too, so you will feel physically tired,your concentration goes, your sleep. And that's without having a baby!

Agree with REL, you can feel abysmal before you start to feel better.

Now, the changes in your life recently are enough in themselves to trip up your mood. Add to this the strife with your H, it's much more likely that you will struggle to cope.

Take you away from your surroundings, in a new area without much access to family, friends and familiar places and I'm afraid the ducks are all lined up!

Incidentally, do you feel better for talking about this with us? I hope so? You can't keep that bottled up, any one of us would need help and advice on how to get through it.

I hope your friend DOES come back to you. Perhaps your DH behaviour since can convince her that although he was wrong to do it, he has honoured you and respected you ever since.

You need to get DH on some kind of routine. He needs to be responsible for certain things happening, to help you with housework, child care and anything else you need help with.

Even without you being diagnosed with depression I'd say this, but with it, I say he absolutely has to support you. he needs to be asking how he can help you.

Keep talking to us, it ought to help. Depression loves isolation! Thrives on it. The only way to beat it is to not lock yourself away, but to get out and to do things even depression is telling you there is no point. There is always a point to living.

coconuts, you are doing really well, considering what you have on your plate. Count on us however you need to, and we'll help you feel better.

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

hardly a thing! said "we used to be best friends, can we try and make amends"


i go to a baby group on thursday afternoons and starting to go to a baby&toddler group once a week too.

[prettyfly1]

Yes you have. If she is any sort of a friend she will be there. If she isnt she wont. What did you say.

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

omg i just sent her an email, didn't even know what to say.have i done the right thing?

[RudeEnglishLady]

Don't really know what to say about all the husband stuff but I know that ADs often make you feel worse before they make you feel better.

ADs are pretty serious medication IMO and need to be used with care. So its vital that you eat properly, get outside for a walk once or twice per day, have your husband on board and helping with chores etc. IME and O they will not work if you take them and carry on in the same way as you have. Depending on what kind they are, you could be feeling a bit 'high' and disorientated, you could have trouble sleeping or once I even had the runs for a week. In fact I have found them so difficult to manage that I just obsess with keeping my moods up through natural methods. I don't mean ADs don't work - they totally do, but they are not an alternative to you and your husband looking after you properly.

If you start to feel really bad you must go back to the GP and tell them exactly your physical and mental symptoms.

Hope you feel better soon - sounds like you have a lot to process. Maybe speak to your HV about a baby group type thing in your area. I hate joining stuff but its great once you get into it!

[luvlybunchofcoconuts]

i go up every 3-4 weeks! orders from my dr!

i was up for a week last time and H was working that week so came up at the wknd.

[tallwivglasses]

I think you need a holiday. Can you take your little'un back north for a few days - a chance to get some support and re-charge your batteries?

It also might make your H realise what he'd be missing if you never came back.