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Feel like a failure for renting still

13 replies

Megsh85 · 27/03/2023 21:54

I’m late 30s with a 10 month old baby. Me and DH rent a one bed and we have no savings. We spent the majority of our 20s and 30s working and travelling, and going out etc. This is the lifestyle we chose at the time, we were very live for the now etc.

We wanted a child and now I’m feeling extremely guilty that we don’t have a better living situation for her, we can’t buy yet, we need to start saving for a deposit. Rent is now extortionate. I feel so stupid for not saving when we could and not sacrificing our travel for a property. I didn’t even think about it to be honest. DH is burying his head in the sand which isn’t helpful as he doesn’t want to talk about it.

Our combined income is 60k. Is it possible we can start from scratch and save for somewhere? We can only save around £300 a month after our outgoings.

Have we failed our child for bringing her into a one bed flat. I’m so embarrassed and feel ashamed.

OP posts:

SweetSakura · 27/03/2023 21:57

Ahh you have had amazing adventures, nothing will replace those.

And lots of people who buy only do so due to a handout or inheritance. What makes them better than you?

I bought post baby #1 - I just went super frugal for a bit. I have nothing but happy memories of the super frugal toddler years. Honestly I had the best time exploring parks and libraries with my son


Babyroobs · 27/03/2023 21:58

We didn't get a property until we were in our thirties with kids, although admittedly it was a lot easier 20 years ago. Like you we travelled, lived abroad, had lots of nice experiences. I think you are just unlucky that you are entering your thirties at a time when rental prices are ridiculously high and saving is near impossible and wages stagnating. I wouldn't feel bad that you only have a one bedroom flat as long as your child has what they need they will be fine. I do understand your frustration though. I have four kids myself who are late teens/ early twenties and I do worry they will never be able to afford to buy homes the way things are going.


SweetSakura · 27/03/2023 21:59

£300/month gives you £3600 in a year.
£500 /month would give you £6000

That's a decent start in 12 months.

And as you start going it gets easier.


kerosene20 · 27/03/2023 22:02

Open a lifetime ISA quickly before you’re at the age limit and you can earn a huge bonus on your deposit savings. I think it’s 20 or 25%. We used it to buy our house (late 30’s, early 40’s)last year and it was a huge help. I felt exactly the same as you. Now I’m embarrassed of our crap house in a crap area but it’s ours 🤣good luck!


Anotherturnipforthebooks · 27/03/2023 22:36

kerosene20 · 27/03/2023 22:02

Open a lifetime ISA quickly before you’re at the age limit and you can earn a huge bonus on your deposit savings. I think it’s 20 or 25%. We used it to buy our house (late 30’s, early 40’s)last year and it was a huge help. I felt exactly the same as you. Now I’m embarrassed of our crap house in a crap area but it’s ours 🤣good luck!

Yes, we did this, it really helped. We bought our place when our son was 3.


Youkilledmyfatherpreparetodie · 27/03/2023 22:42

You're lacking a bedroom so may be eligible to bid for social housing? In my area there are certain properties ring-fenced for those in work. You could probably save a lot more a month with a social housing rent. Or look at shared ownership. Good luck 🙂


LadyVictoriaSponge · 27/03/2023 22:54

Don’t despair that’s pretty good going on the savings front, just because you can’t buy at the moment doesn’t mean you never will, now you have a goal in mind, remain focused and determined, your main aim in the next few years is to buy a house, don’t deviate, make sure your savings are working for you and you will get there if you stick to the plan and if you remain flexible on area and type of house you could get there sooner than you think. I honestly think if you have a proper plan in place to achieve your goal, mentally you will feel a lot better, you can make it happen.


Callmenat · 28/03/2023 11:48

You are where you are, don't waste time being down. Still plenty of time to get your own but uou need to start saving to reach this goal.

First action is open a LISA and get free money and get saving what you can.

Lifetime ISA

Tax free saving for your first home and later life: what is a LISA, who can apply, 25% government bonus, withdrawal charges.


SilentHedges · 28/03/2023 15:16

I've owned on and off since the 90's, while renting in-between, and living for today, cluttering up mountains etc. Life doesn't always follow the prescribed blue-print and at age 42 I realised I needed to get my sh*t together. I read "Your money or your life" (recommended) started a spending diary and a spreadsheet with some financial goals, I'm 53 now and at aged 56 my mortgage will be paid off on a house in the South East and my pensions sorted. I worked and saved hard, and changed my financial mindset, and started to follow blogs of people embracing the "FIRE" movement. I'm a single (reasonably well paid) earner, but there's two of you, so what I'm saying is, no matter how unachieveable your goals may seem, they very much are acheiveable. It's never too late and do not be ashamed whatsoever! Go for it, and you will achieve more than you thought you could, sooner than you thought you could.


1000yellowdaisies · 28/03/2023 15:22

Im 36 with 2 young DC and I'm still renting (single parent). I work but I feel bad frequently about this as all of my friends are home owners and I was raised in a house my mum owned.
What i would say is, life is hard atm and I'm sure your trying your best. I am hoping to start saving when DC 3 is at school and I'm not paying nursery fees anymore....
But you aren't alone in feeling like this. But don't beat yourself up.


Bearpawk · 28/03/2023 15:26

Where do you live op? 60 k combined would be a good salary with lots left got saving in many parts of the country - would you consider relocating somewhere cheaper? You could then save up to 1k pcm and if you bought in the same area you'd have a deposit in a couple of years.

If you want to stay were you are, are you on the social housing list?

And finally, if DH is burying his head in the sand - ask him outright where he thinks the baby is going to be sleeping in 2/5/10 years time.


MintJulia · 28/03/2023 15:44

Don't be ashamed. Your child won't know that your flat is rented so don't worry about that. One small baby does not need their own room, she will take up a tiny amount of space. You don't need a spare room, a changing table or a people carrier. 🙂

However, by the time your child is in school. you should ideally be in a secure rental because getting evicted and having to change school mid term is not ideal.

You had lots of adventures and that will enrich how you raise your child. Now you have a family, take a deep breath, cut back on spending, outings, holidays etc as hard as possible and try to get a deposit for a mortgage together, maybe shared ownership etc. You'll be fine.


Orangesandlemons77 · 28/03/2023 16:18

I doubt they would get social housing on 60K a year with huge waiting lists?

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