Should I leave London for Durham/Newcastle?

[ZeldaPetals]

I recently separated after 19 years' marriage and now have to leave the flat we've rented for 18 years in SW London as my landlord won't accept me staying on and seeking housing benefit (he's never paid tax on the rent...) I'm in my late 40s, with friends in London only and no family other than the father of my 12 yo son. I am self-employed, working from home, with no chance of ever buying and don't see myself as ever standing a chance of an income that would allow me to pay full London/Surrey rent without benefits - not the way I want to live my life.

An acquaintance who is looking to get a buy-to-let property would be happy for me to choose a house anywhere in England I like; she would then buy and let it to me for as long as I'd want it, at minimum possible rent. I would take care of the house, any internal repairs, decoration, etc; the budget is max 120k (at the top of the budget it'd have to be ready to live in). Having looked around, it seems to me that in order to get a good home in a decent area on that budget I'll have to go North to the Durham/Newcastle area. Obviously I'll have to visit the area and try to get a feel for it myself, but I wonder if anyone here could tell me more about the area? Are there places I should definitely not look at, or any that are cheap but absolutely should be considered? I dont mind the climate as I grew up east of there, across the North Sea (been in London since 1991), but are there other things I should know about living up there? Are people open and friendly to 'foreigners'.

My son has always been home educated, so I would prefer living in an area where there are other home educators nearby, or at least where we wouldn't stand out like a sore thumb and be viewed with suspicion for having made that choice. Also, I wont be able to find a btl before we have to leave this flat, do you think I should rent up there whilst looking or stay where my supportive friends are until I have found a place (I'd need a place that accepts dss, so hard to find)? My current state of mind is fragile and I am so afraid of being completely isolated if I make the move now, on the other hand, it would obviously make it easier to look at properties. What would you do?

Sorry, so many questions, but I sorely need guidance and I am so grateful for any helpful advice any of you might be able to give.

[ZeldaPetals]

I'll be going up next weekend, very much looking forward to exploring the area.

I want to thank everyone who has taken time and effort to respond. I was so worried about posting - first time - and terrified at taking this step, but you have all made me feel so positive about it. Thank you for sharing here and via PMs too.

Big hugs and to all!

[Hanspannerly]

I lived in gateshead in a flat for a bit, Bensham. There's a big Jewish population there. I always felt safe and never had any bother.

Then we moved out towards Durham to a small village (Tantobie ) It's great, good community feel and lots going on. We are currently relocating to Weardale which is gorgeous but I wouldn't recommend it without a car.

Oh, and in my opinion Hookergate is a bit rough. Rowlands gill is lovely though.

[ouryve]

And yep much of Gateshead is great - that's where Low Fell is! Most of the East end is worth avoiding, though. Lived in Felling as a student. Wouldn't move back. (Besides, where I live is a hell of a lot cheaper, though not great for public transport - we plan to move somewhere with better buses when DS2 is finished at primary school)

[ZeldaPetals]

Thanks for the links, patterkiller, love the look of Chopwell Wood, shame they had to discontinue the Forest Festival, that must have been a fantastic event.

[ZeldaPetals]

Thank you BikeRunSki, I have looked at several of those places, but found nothing suitable. Spent some days there and loved the people I met, but was depressed by the affordable areas.

[patterkiller]

West Gateshead on the outskirt is lovely. Rowlands Gill and surrounding area have loads of outdoor activities for Children.
Thornely Woodland Centre
Whickham Thorns for dry skiing, or high ropes.
Rowlands Gill Park
There are a few gems in your budjet www.rightmove.co.uk/property-for-sale/property-34827873.html this is oppisite the entrance to www.friendsofchopwellwood.org.uk/education/online-games-lhi

[ZeldaPetals]

I wouldn't mind at all, specialsubject, do you know how I'd go about it (you do seem very clued in)?

Just a thought, about renting from crooks: some of us end up in that position because there are no other options available to us. The cost of renting privately is outrageous (not blaming responsible landlords, but house prices) and, as you pointed out, some mortgage lenders and insurance companies still live in the dark ages of believing that anyone who needs housing benefit is automatically an undesirable tenant. Not that we did need hb before, though if we'd moved we would have, but now that I need hb there is a very limited market for me and many will be far worse off than I am, they have far fewer options. This is the main reason the crooks can thrive.

[BikeRunSki]

I grew up in London and moved to Newcastle as a postgraduate and stayed for 7 years! A lot of the people I worked with who had young families lived in Low Fell. It seemed to hit a happy balance of house price/community/transport links. I loved the northeast, and only moved away because I needed a job.

I know you have dismissed Sheffield and Manchester, but I would recommend just having another look at the outlying towns and villages around Penistone, Holmfirth, Honley, Denby Dale/Shepley/HD8 postcode, Todmorden, Hebden Bridge. I am not sure on house prices but you will find the vibe you are after. Many of those places are quite rural, but are served by a local train and buses. Parts of Huddersfield and Halifax may suit too.

[specialsubject]

please report your current landlord for law-breaking over the gas safe certificate. Please, please do it.

please, everybody, don't rent dumps from crooks however cheap they are.

[ZeldaPetals]

Thanks, SubUrbaneFox, for your very good advice. Although the dad in this case is my ex, the dad of our son, it still sounds as relevant and certainly not bitter. Your experience sounds like a very realistic one for most who would take this step and it's very sobering. Thank you for sharing and I am glad it worked out in a way that you are happy with now.

OneBreathAfterAnother, I absolutely take your words to heart. This is one of the most heart wrenching decisions I am about to take; to leave behind the only people in the world that I feel close to and my son's friends as well. It's my friends I will miss, not the city. It is daunting, but I am struggling to see another way out. Perhaps, like SubUrbaneFox, I will find that I'll stay in touch with my old friends and gain new ones. Thank you for your thoughts and I hope you are happy with your decision to return home.

It sounds great, ipswichwitch, I think the consensus of the majority is that the NE is friendly, beautiful, relatively cheap and a place you'll never want to leave once you've lived there. I really look forward to seeing and experiencing it for myself.

[SubUrbaneFox]

I do that too! People in London think you're mentally ill if you carry on like that. But for example, the other day I was buying a slice of cake in a cafe, and in the queue to pay, somebody said "oh that's a really generous slice" and I said "hey, don't judge!". That kind of idle chit chat, rife outside of london, a sign of madness in london!

[ipswichwitch]

I moved from the SE to NE many years ago now, and I've lived and worked in Sunderland, Newcastle and Durham areas. I now live between Durham and Sunderland and love it. Easy access to Durham, Sunderland and Newcastle both driving and public transport. Chester Le Street and Houghton Le Spring are pretty decent, and there's some nice parts of Sunderland (and I've always felt safe living here, even when I lived alone).

The NE is a great area - so much on your doorstep. There's the coast, countryside, metro centre... I wouldn't live anywhere else. And people are so friendly and chatty up here. I often forget when I visit family down South and start chatting to randoms (like I would here), and just get stared at!

[OneBreathAfterAnother]

I would think really carefully about this before you do it.

I moved from London back home, in the North, after a break-up. I wanted a fresh start. I also work from home, so cost was a factor, but I also grew up here so I came back somewhere familiar and friendly. I know people here.

It's not London. It's home and it's nice to be back, I know it like the back of my hand, it's cheaper, but it's not London. The buses stop at 6pm. Taxis are expensive. Luckily I can expense a lot of trips to London and go to do things whilst I'm there, because I miss the city, and I didn't really like it that much...there's a lot to be said for people and easy transport, though, especially the tube!

I can't afford to move back on my own and I'm not keen on a shared room, and as I said, I grew up here and always intended to come back. I have friends and people who care for me. I like it here. It's not London, though.

I'd be worried that if you feel like me, it'll be even worse because you will be starting again, so you won't have that network already there. You don't have memories of the place already. And your son may well miss how much there is to do in London, too.

That said, we do have a lot of the things you are worried about - shopping and fibre-optic, etc.

Just my 2 cents.

[QforCucumber]

No xmas specials - just booking about 16 weeks in advance and sticking to given cheaper times (usually 7:30am there and 8pm home) have done it a few times for weekend trips and xmas shopping trips.
It is a lovely area, but TV like to make out to a lot of people that we aren't and should be avoided like the plague. The town I'm in is a big industrial area so yes has it's deprived parts, but turn around and you see it in it's beauty too.
Not a bad bunch up here really

[SubUrbaneFox]

I phrased that really badly. I mean, I agree with you, you're right not to prioritise being close to your dad if it will come at the expense of the things you are trying to put in place for yourself and your son.

[SubUrbaneFox]

Zelda, I read what you said upthread about not prioritising being near your dad, and some might think I was wrong to say this but I think, for the next few years, feather your own nest. Don't watch your Dad and his gf get settled from the vantage point of a not-as-nice-house when you could be living somewhere cheaper, building a base for yourself and your son. I'm really glad I moved out of London (even though it was unfathomable to me at the time, and I admit, I felt a bit superior for a while, and definitely underestimated some people when I was brand new to this area)... but financial recovery took about 6 and a half years. I sound vague. I'm not vague! It took precisely six years to tick off all my goals. And I'm glad I didn't self-sabotage my chances of ever achieving those goals by trying to remain close to people who had it all sewn up already. That sounds bitter. I don't mean it like that. I just mean, I miss some of my old friends. I've kept in touch with a couple. I make the effort. Some friends have visited me! It's different. You do lose touch with people. But you also meet new people. So, feather your own nest now which is what my mother said to me when I left my x and it was good advice.

[ZeldaPetals]

Thank you QforCucumber and gamerchick, I can wipe the worry beads off my brow.

QforCucumber, how do you get such cheap train tickets, is it a Christmas special?

Interestingly, I looked at Sheffield and Manchester, before 'discovering' Durham/Newcastle and most people had very negative views of those places, but since starting to speak of D/N, I've had nothing but positive comments. Gamerchick, I am thinking most people think better of your region than you realise. Could it be? (No, I'm not being funny!)

I think a village or town near a city might be the thing. My son has a real fear of places with not enough people. So it can't be too 'sleepy'.

Thanks, for the metro heads up. I've downloaded their map, very useful.

[gamerchick]

That was supposed to be a link. If you google the above and go to images you can see the map of the metro system.

I love that undercover market. Nice to get off the train and stretch the legs for a bit.

[TheOddity]

Morpeth is lovely but a massive shift for a soon to be teenager. Newcastle or Sunderland would be better for him. Newcastle metro stops are a good way to plan. Tynemouth have a big and successful weekly craft market under cover at the station. There is a big craft community in Newcastle.

[gamerchick]

If you don't drive if you check out the metro system around Newcastle it covers a large area if you're coming up for a look about.

south tyneside metro

[gamerchick]

Ah man I wasn't offended just bemused there are people out there who are surprised we have electricity.

Is it a village you're looking at? I live in a town and it's still bustling without being chocka block like Newcastle can get.

I admit though if I would move to Durham like a shot.

South Shields town is pretty much dead atm but they've got a massive massive rejuvenation thing going on that's just started which will breathe new life into the place so tbh house prices are low for the minute but when it's finished I can see it becoming a decent seaside town again.

[ZeldaPetals]

bigsnugglebunny, I have been looking at that area and seen a wonderful house in Morpeth, would you say that a teenage boy (he will be, so soon!) would be able to find enough varied things to do there. Only, it looks more rural. Is the public transport as good as between the 2 cities? To me, Northumberland sounds wonderful, but I want to make sure my son doesn't feel isolated. I am planning to visit some towns there next week, so very much appreciate your information, thanks.

[QforCucumber]

zelda I'm in the NE (not quite as far north as Durham, about 25 mins south) but must say no offence has been taken in your questions, my FIL is in a small village with no buses, terrible internet speeds and no grocery deliveries so I agree you do have to look into these things.
The place he is in has 1 corner shop and 3 pubs though - priorities.
However - a 10 minute drive away is the suburbs where we are and it is much better.
you will find transport links and nowhere near as good as those in London, our last bus here into town is at 9pm.
Train from Darlington to Kings Cross is 2.5 hours though and if booked in advance can be done for £12.50 each way - we always have a London xmas shopping day trip treat.

[ZeldaPetals]

Thanks ouryve, that sounds like quite a good place to be then, not least whilst renting, as it would be easy to get around and look at places.

Going closer to Newcastle, a friend mentioned Gateshead. Does anyone know if that's a nice place?

[bigsnugglebunny]

I don't know why my post is full of question marks. I didn't put them there!