What's London like with a toddler? Or where best to live in the long term...I feel completely lost :(

[postmanpat1scrapathisj0b]

Hi folks
Am struggling a bit with working out where to move to. Ok...moved from north london out to small commuter town just before DS was born. Hated it almost immediately. Am in 1930s suburbia. It's actually a naice place, safe, a park, some shops etc but it's dull. I've tried for 18 months to like it. It helped a bit going back to work but I still panic a bit when DH leaves in the morning and I have the whole day to work out what to do with my DS. Again, there are things to do, but they are usually a 20-30 min drive away. Nothing, other than the park and few shops, is walkable. We have some friends dotted about around the southern fringes of London and suburbs. No family nearby (SW and E Anglia). The schools here are ok but not fab. Commute about an hour door to door for DH. Not so important for me as not in all the time.
Sorry, am waffling....anyway we've been looking at pretty much everywhere in and out of London that might suit us better. It's more me that wants to move, but DH does get the reasons why. However we just cannot find a place that ticks all the boxes or we go yes! let's move there! It's either great schools but crap area or crap commute. I'm currently thinking we are either better back in London or out in a proper town. However my concern about London is a) if we move back we are looking around SW London corner as leafy and easy access to SW. But is this just another suburbia? Will I feel the same way again here? I do know parts of SW London but never lived there, and b) I felt really bad on mat leave, but as I said, things have got mildly better, but what happens next? What is life with a toddler and onwards like? What happens day to day? i.e is city life, suburban London life, suburbia out of London life, or country life better for kids and teenagers? Am also a bit nervous of moving back inwards as I read about the competitiveness of getting into schools and that fills me with doom too. Oh my god, I can hear myself and I sound ridiculous. I know there are pros and cons to every situation. This is just going round and round in my head. Argh. Basically I'm nervous of making another move somewhere else new and the same problem happening. DH wants to move to an area and stay put so I guess that is worrying me not to make another mistake. I get why he wants to do that - as he doesn't want to move kids about in schools. I miss London so much. But am I just missing my old life. If you moved to suburbia and hated it what did you do? Go further out? Go back? Stay? I would also move back to where I was living in a heartbeat if I knew it was the right thing to do. I do have this thing about not going back somewhere though, and because we don't know anyone that's bothering me too. We basically could move anywhere, and that's the problem. There is no draw to anywhere in particular and I feel lost but hate where we are now!! I just want to feel happy and settled again :(

[Apatite1]

I'm moving to dulwich from sw London, I'm due in December. I do get the concerns about over competitive parenting in sw London, I have lots of friends with kids here. I find dulwich is more chilled out (but still quite competitive) and over all more the environment I want my child in. Your budget will get you something nice more towards crystal palace, the village is very expensive and £1m doesn't get much there.

[LionWings]

We were near Wandsworth common too with toddlers and it was brilliant, about ten choices per day of toddler activities in a ten to fifteen minute walk or bus ride. Cafes, restaurants etc on Northcote Road, easy train ride to Westfield etc. We left before school age so can't help with that. A friend still lives near Clapham Common with her four kids and is super chilled so the competitive thing might be a bit overdone. It only needs a few and all that...

[crazyhead]

I live in crouch end with toddler. It is brilliant. You'll get something for round 1 million and meeting people will be easy, with school coming up. If it wasn't broke before, just come back!

[lisaloulou84]

Definitely East Dulwich. Or somewhere thereabouts. Soooo much to do with a toddler- Ive been living and working here for 2 and a half years and have a 17 month old - I've never been bored! And you're in good company as there's plenty of other mums and toddlers around. Plus £1m will easily buy you a nice 3 bed with a good garden. Unfortunately for me we've been renting a 1 bed flat here and our deposit will barely buy us a garage in Dulwich so fairly soon it's back to Yorkshire we go. I'd stay here forever if I had £1m to spend.

[allovertheworld]

Sorry for typing errors on ruddy phone

[allovertheworld]

Hello postman, adding my thoughts as we are in process of finding.somewhere to move with our two DC and looking at many similar places to you. Except for us this is moving "out" as we currently live in zone 1/2 borders.

London with a toddler is great, the walking distance thing has been especially helpful.for me after I had DC 2 as getting them both into a buggy or buggy and sling seems much easier than into car seats. But I am biased I guess.since we rarely drive.

Would it be feasible to.sell up and rent in an area for a year while exploring it and other bits of London? Eg rent in tooting and you can also explore streatham, Balham etc? You have time before you need to be in place for school.applications and though renting would be a bit of money wasted it might be less costly than another move.to.the wrong area?

[lessonsintightropes]

Crystal Palace is lovely, and you could afford something great with your budget. Good schools, too. We live in Honor Oak which is lovely but a bit quiet, Forest Hill has more going on but the south circular as previously discussed. I think it's well worth checking out SE19. Good luck!

[TheBeanpole]

We have an 19mo and live zone 3/4 borders in SE London, not far from Crystal Palace. It's a fab place for young families- real community feel, with parks, cafes, a farm and a nice DIY ethos- and we're in Victoria in under 20 minutes. There's not a lot of competitive parenting either. We have no plans to leave. Both DP and I grew up in rural towns and hated it as teenagers- the thought of being a taxi service fills me with dread.
On schools- worth looking at the actual data on London schools, as rumours of feral savagery are very much overstated. London secondaries outperform the regions and it's probably due in part due to strong primaries. I can think of lots of schools that fit your description in this area.

www.theguardian.com/uk-news/davehillblog/2014/oct/26/the-roots-of-londons-secondary-school-improvements

[Panicmode1]

We moved from SW London to Tunbridge Wells - it's made DH's commute a bit of a nightmare but we have amazing parks, theatres, NT places, countryside on the doorstep and can get to the sea in just over an hour - but there are LOADs of things for children to do - there are pages of 'preschooler' activities in the local magazines, and if you want to go to the theatre in the West End, or up to the museums etc, you can do it in about an hour. The schools are fantastic - the only gripe I have is the appalling traffic......

[Radiatorvalves]

WE are Balham / Streatham with 2 DSs 8 &10, and absolutely love it. I bump into friends on Tooting Common more often than not. We came to London late in life (well post kids, late 30s) and I can't imagine moving away. Everything is convenient. We hardly use the car, we bike most places - the Dss cycle to tennis, swimming, cubs, music lessons. I have been on holiday with families from the boys' school (state primary).

[MajesticWhine]

We have 3 DC in central london. Well NW really, but zone 2 is pretty central. We moved out very briefly to proper countryside not suburbs. We came back within a year. I never envisaged bringing up DC in central london, but the reality has been great. When they are small, they miss out on not having a garden, but that's the only downside really. There is always somewhere to go without getting the car out. My older DDs are 15 and 13 and can do whatever they like, easy for them to get around walking or use the tube or bus. I never had that freedom when I was a teenager living out in the sticks, so I really appreciate it on their behalf. They don't appreciate it of course, because they have never known anything different.
Is Muswell Hill out of the question? Great compromise. So much green space around, and a villagy feel, but it's still kind of urban too.

[Saltedcaramel2014]

There's nothing wrong with having a lot of ideas. Narrow your list down with your DH, then go out and start viewing places, seeing schools. You'll get a gut feeling that will guide you in the next decision you make/place you go and see. You have ideas and values and you will find the right place for your family - it will come from you. Some great advice here to take and run with - I think you need to start physically seeing places. I live near where you used to and love being here with a toddler. I'm easily bored and never bored here! People love scaremongering peoe into private education. FWIW I was state educated in London, got straight As, good uni and never a bad thing happened. The diversity of backgrounds you meet is something that shaped me and I want DS to experience too. Something that makes London special.

[Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g]

Needmoresleep, we did a lot of those things too, but we live in inner SE London. No regrets at all on our part at staying put. Our children are now young adults and both love London.

[postmanpat1scrapathisj0b]

solja - at least you are out of the commuter zone, but interesting that you still miss (and are ocming back) after all the years. I hope it works for you. whereismagic - I'm just not sure what my gut is unfortunately. But I need to take some time to think on it and decide. I swing through all the pros and cons of different places. Need to make a decision!! needmoresleep and citrus - one of the things that makes me nervous about SW London is the competitiveness aspect. Crystal Palace is talking to me a bit for that reason - I need to go investigate it. Thank you all for words of wisdom and thoughts.

[Needmoresleep]

I just wanted to add, that though we have never regretted for a minute staying in Central London, even though practically the whole NCT group moved before primary, looking back there were a couple of issues.

1. The whole competitive West London school parenting thing. DC recognise it and don't envy some of the all-achieving but anxious children they knew (but never had within their immediate friendship groups.) Looking back DD can laugh at the 13 year old girls who assumed she was thick because she was not at SPGS despite the fact they would then ask her for help with their maths homework. And the awful mothers who would list exactly where their, and other children, were in class. Its not so bad elsewhere. South London, is quite jolly, even in the most competitive private schools. And I met an nice American ex pat mom who was moving to north London deliberately to escape the excesses of her peers.
   

1. Noise. This is more recent, and my children are off to University age, but I am tired of constant noise. Traffic, aircraft, trains, sirens, whatever. I think it is age. I am also becoming less tolerant of people everywhere. But this is probably age. I now spend more timke out of London, and certainly have one good friend who regrets moving 20 years ago, and indeed has to coome up to London regularly for her fix.
   

Toddler memories

a) Borough market and lots of samples to taste folled by a sausage sandwich.

b) Christmas productions at the National. "Singing in the Rain" with a three your old - who loved it!

c) Pantos at the Old Vic. Very camp and a mainly gay audience but still room for children.

d) Cider making at Surrey Quays Farm, and farm open days at Vauxhall (and "helping" look after animals).

e) Bus to Brockwell with a two year old (fun in itself) and then an afternoon in the sun at the Brockwell Lido.

f) a whole raft of Park fun days espcially the Lambeth County Show.

g) odd South Bank activities. The water maze/fountain, and one off things like a huge Chinese firecracker display outside the Tate.

h) boat to Greenwich and a walk up the hill, rolling down on the way back.

i) Coram Fields

j) Princess Diana Playground

k) The basement at the Science Museum.

l) the Unicorn theatre

And lots more. Go for it!

[notquiteruralbliss]

We moved out to rural Buckinghamshire from N4 / N8 borders and (despite more space / high achieving schools / beautiful countryside) I massively regret it. I simply don't feel at home. In your position I would go back before I was priced out and / or my DCs got the stage where they wouldn't 't want to go back.

I have seen houses in Stroud Green (N4 ) for just over 1m. If you want the Stroud Green / Crouch End feel you could (as others have said) look at Crystal Palace / East Dulwich etc in South London. I would second the suggestions of Brighton and Hove if you want yo move to a proper town. We go there a lot and Hove in particular feels very Crouch End-like.

[NotCitrus]

SW London can be full of parents getting hugely competitive over their prams, cricket lessons, and the "right" prep schools, though I'm sure there are more chilled out parents too. Hammersmith is lovely with fantastic transport links and if I had up to £1m for a house I'd still be there. The M4 is right there.

Or south or northwest. State schools are in the main pretty good for primary though a bit of a lottery.

I know what you mean about the pressure to move out "for the kids" and many of my friends have, but now mine are at school and nursery - walking distance - I have no regrets. Very happy in Streatham though would have gone for Balham/CP if budget allowed, or Hammersmith or Fulham.

[julesldn]

I grew up in crouch end (not that long ago - im just turned 25) and loved every minute. Loads to do, easy to get into town. Great parks, pools, library, soft play centre, nice shops and cafes and it's heaving with mums babies and things to do now as well (I also nannied there so did all of the kids stuff there again ha!) you could get a decent sized house with a smallish garden for 1m and be very near a local park and lovely primary schools. All local secondary schools are decent/good too and build strong communities around them. Couldn't recommend it enough!

Good luck on your search - if it makes you feel any better the thought of moving out of zone 2 also brings me out in hives haha

[captainproton]

Do you really live in the suburbs or arse-end-of-nowhere? I grew up in the latter a little village with a church, shop and one pub and everything else a 20-30 min journey away. You need to live in a town or city to avoid the driving everywhere problem. I live in a town in the SE, everything is within walking distance, I can be in Zone 5 London in 20-30 mins drive, St Pancras in 20 mins HS1. We prioritised good transport links. I used to live zone 6 west London and I found it isolating because most people went back to work after ML. I think you get more part-time and SAHM in the commuter towns, so perhaps more going on for toddlers. your money will go a lot further, for things like good holidays and high standard of living. Before you move think about what you want in walking distance and make that more of a priority?

[whereismagic]

It's actually is not that difficult to choose a place. We got surprisingly strong reactions to places. We just went for a drive, popped in a cafe, playground and checked what people were like. I really wanted to like Kingston, near the river, good primary schools, but we just felt it was so far away from everywhere and very homogenous. I'd go with your gut feeling.

[SoljaBonita]

postman pat I moved to london at 18 for uni, had dc there, moved back to Yorkshire 5 yearsbago and am now in the process f making plans to move back down. I miss London

[postmanpat1scrapathisj0b]

wouldn't it be weird to go back? And we don't know anyone there now either. I don't think I realised how lovely it was there till I left! The thing I most miss about London is having things on the doorstep. And a lot of them. For example I can imagine CE has heaps of baby and toddler things going on, plus lots of places to walk - the woods, parks etc, or you can go into central for museums. Where I am here I mainly have to drive to get to stuff (bar one park and a pool - so it's not dire by any stretch) and yes london is a short train away, but it's a big effort to get ready, get to train, wait for train, train journey, do stuff, and reverse it. It's the having things in walkable distance that I miss, not necessarily the central London things (though they are marvellous too). So yes somewhere that felt like a place in its own right is needed for sure!
fatpony - really? I knew we could possibly get something on harringey ladder but not in Crouch End.

[fatpony]

If you wanted to come back to crouch end there are houses around here for 1m ish...I'm near priory park and on my road houses are 1.1m but the market is slow at the moment. Seems to be heaps for toddlers and children to do...we've just had the charters steam fair, Hornsey music festival etc

[EducateTogetheralumnus]

I thought that about Beckenham too and it is a bit, but it's changing. And now that even Penge has a hipster pub, it won't be long before we do too

Honestly, I lived for years in the middle of zone 1 and in a few ways miss it, but I love where we live now - and I know exactly what you mean about mourning the old life.

[Londonbased87]

East dulwich? South London - and easy SW - but very similar to CE! Cheaper on the Peckham Rye side and totally awesome.