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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

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Join our Primary Education forum to discuss starting school and helping your child get the most out of it.

Primary education

Dd2's classmates leaving daft and rude messages on our phone, will school deal with it or not ?

49 replies

MrsMorgan · 10/01/2010 14:04

Firstly, I don't 100% know who it is, nor does dd, but she has a very goood idea.

A few weeks ago we had a bout 3/4 messages left on phone, mostly kids rambling but with a few sexual terms thrown in.
Dd2 didn't hear them, but as soon as I told her about them she seemd to know what I was on about and said that two of her friends who go to before and after school club, have mobile phones, and b/a club let them use them whilst there. This fits as the calls are always at around 8:30am and 3:30 pm.

She said the boys tend to take the phones off the girls and ring my dd leaving daft messages. From what I heard of the messages, the girls are just as invovled.

I told dd to tell her friends in general, that whoever it was should pack it in if they didn't want to get into trouble.

It did stop then, but seems to have strted again. On friday a message was left to say school was closed because of the snow (it wasn't). It was obvious it was a child, so not so bothered about that one, but then at 3:35 on Friday, another message was left saying, would dd go out with this lad because he fell and broke ihs leg in the sno, oh and could she give him a bj.

So, I told dd that her friends are leaving daft messages again, and she said she will tell them to stop again, but I am thinking I really need to see the teacher about it. Trouble is, as they aren't making the calls at school, will school do anything ?

I only really want them to make a general 'we are aware of pupils making innapropriate calls to other pupils' statement really.

The after school club is on the school site, but is run seperatly. I suppose I could ask to speak to them aswell.

Wwyd ?? The chldren in question are 10.

OP posts:

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PixieOnaLeaf · 10/01/2010 18:05

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Toughasoldboots · 10/01/2010 18:40

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Goblinchild · 10/01/2010 18:42

Unless the ASC is run by teachers, no. Schools let premises to all sorts of businesses after hours.

Goblinchild · 10/01/2010 18:44

Children who bring mobiles to our school (primary) are supposed to hand them in at the office in the morning and collect them after school. So they will have them at an ASC.
We are also not permitted to search child or bag, so it goes on trust that they are handed in.

almostreal · 10/01/2010 20:07

Do you know there parents, if so I would record these messages and take them around for the parents to hear.
I would then inform both parent and child the age of culpability is 10 years and if another message is left like this you will be talking to the police about sexual harassment.

almostreal · 10/01/2010 20:08

oops forgot word : sexual harassment charges.

MrsMorgan · 11/01/2010 16:49

Went in and spoke to dd2's teacher this afternoon. He took it very seriously and said it would not be tolerated.

He did say that they have no authority over the after school club but that he was going to go straight over and speak to the manager.

I presume he will also mention it in class in a 'we know that certain people have been doing xyz'.

He is quite a strict teacher so I am quite confident that he will sort it out. He said if it happens again to ring the school as soon as the message is recieved.

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MrsMorgan · 11/01/2010 17:03

Also meant to add that dd asked the girl in question if she would please remove our number from her phone so that the boys couldn't ring anymore. Apparently the girl said she would but dd told me that she didn't think she meant it.

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MrsMorgan · 11/01/2010 20:48

Hmm things have moved on, and I am not sure what to do next, if anything.

Dd2's best friends mum has just rung me and said that the mum of the girl invloved has just rung her, quite upset. She said she wanted me to know that her dd wasn't directly involved as the boys had stolen the phone from her and refused to give it back.

Now unfortunatly, I don't think this is true. Dd2 said that when she first told this girl what was going on, she said she knew and that she had given the boys her phone.
Also the calls took place on 3 seperate days, so they would have had to pinch it 3 times.

There is also the fact that I quite clearly heard a girl in the back ground on at least 2 occasions, laughing.

So now what do I do ? My main gripe was with the lads as it was them leaving the messages, but i do feel this girl was a willing participant. However, I now feel guilty and that this mum thinks i am blaming it all on her dd which I am not.

I could get hold of her number, should I ring and explain or leave it as it is ???

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differentID · 11/01/2010 20:54

why shouldn't you blame it in the girl? she knows her phone is being used to harrass your daughter and as it is her phone it is her responsibility to let/ not others use it.

MrsMorgan · 11/01/2010 20:59

Oh i do hold her partly responsible, as like you say, it is her phone. However the one boy invloved is a known bully and so I don't know if that played a part in it.

I have told dd that this girl reckons she didn't know and dd is adamant that the girl told her that she'd given them the phone.

I have met this mum a couple of times and she is lovely, thats probably why I feel guilty.

I'm not going to ring her I don't think, but if I see her in the playground shall I say anything ?

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foxinsocks · 11/01/2010 21:04

I would ring her tbh, esp if she's lovely

my dd is in year 5 and I'd want to know

it's such a funny in-between age year 5 (they are so easily influenced at this age) and I bet she would want to know what has been going on with those boys.

Don't delete the messages next time. I was half expecting you to say that they had all denied it. Even if they had the number on her phone, it would have been hard to prove it was them!

foxinsocks · 11/01/2010 21:05

also, the fact that she rang your dd's best friend's mum to find out what's going on probably means she's mortified

MrsMorgan · 11/01/2010 21:09

Oh I think she is fox, as I would be.

I will ask dd's friends mum for the number, but she said she didn't want to get involved so I am not sure if she will give it to me.

I did have it somewhere but i've lost it.

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foxinsocks · 11/01/2010 21:13

I hope she takes the phone away from her. Unfortunately, is exactly the sort of behaviour that shows she's not mature enough to be entrusted one!

MrsMorgan · 11/01/2010 21:16

Apparently she only gives her the phone on a friday. I know the last 2 messages were def on a Friday but can't remember the other tbh.

Anyway she gives it to her then because she has to drop her at the end of a long gully, to walk up to the before school club alone

Oh and the kids didn't know that I had deleted the messages so thats probably why they admitted it.

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Goblinchild · 11/01/2010 21:19

Did the boys 'steal' the phone at the ASC, and did the girl ask an adult to help solve the problem?
Did they steal it and give it back on numerous occasions?
I think the girl is uncomfortable and now wants an exit route.

foxinsocks · 11/01/2010 21:20

ah ha

wise move MrsM

MrsMorgan · 11/01/2010 21:23

I think the grls story is that they pinched it from her at befre school club and then didn't give it back until end of after school club.

I do think the girl is looking for an exit as you say.

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annh · 11/01/2010 21:54

I don't buy the story of the phone having been stolen and I can't believe the mother of the other girl doesn't think you won't see through it either. If the messages are from different days, then how come the mother did not notice the phone was missing on the first occasion? If it had been stolen, surely she would also have cancelled the phone rather than leave it to be used by God knows who?

ampere · 12/01/2010 09:35

How about catching up with the perpetrating DD's mum and just saying that you feel that to clear the air you perhaps need to get a couple of facts straight. Then give her the facts! The calls happened on different days and you heard her DD laughing in the background. You can then either let that mum draw her own conclusions about the honesty of her DD or actually point out that perhaps the idea of the phone being stolen doesn't QUITE stack up.

You can then leave it with the message that 'Let it be a learning exercise for all involved'.

MrsMorgan · 12/01/2010 16:25

Ok, another update. When I went to fetch the dc today, the girls dad came over to speak to me (apparently the mum was in talking to the teacher).
He apologised and said that his dd swore that the boys had been taking the phone from her and refusing to give it back, but that she did know that whilst they had it they were ringing people.

They still maintain their dd is telling the truth and thats up to them. I personally think that some of it is lies.

It turns out that dd wasn't the only one recieving the calls, but I was the only parent who had been into school about it. The boys invloved admitted making calls to at least another 3 pupils.
The head was invloved and the lads were told that if i'd chosen to invlove the police they would be in alot more trouble.

I don't know if the parents of the boys were informed or not, but I should think they were.

So, hopefully that is an end to it all.

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Paolosgirl · 12/01/2010 19:08

Strange that the girl didn't see fit to tell the teacher immediately that the boys had taken her phone from her.

Oh well, at least the father apologised and it sounds as if the school have dealt with it fairly rigorously. Hope that's the end of it for you.

ampere · 15/01/2010 09:07

And I believe that deep in their souls, a small seed of doubt has been sown re their DD's total honesty even if they'd never publicly admit it!

I suspect and hope that is the last you'll hear of it.

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