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Is this normal - what should I do?

8 replies

stuckathomemum · 10/12/2007 10:25

My littlest DD is in year 2. Every morning without fail she wakes and her first words are "I dont want to go to school today" in a genuine distressed voice. In the evenings and weekends she often says she doesnt want to go to school. She often asks me "why do we have to go to school" and so on. She really seems to not want to go any more - this has been the case since the start of YR 2.
I have spoken to her about school - she finds it boring/hard work except in one or two subjects (she really struggles with writing and maths). She also has no friends - friends from past 2 years seems to have moved on and she is very shy. We invite children round, see them at other activities etc and she doesnt interact with them unless I am directly involved.
I dont think she is being bullied except she is sensitive to little comments which other kids dont mean to be cruel. And they leave her out but not to be deliberately mean.
Have spoken to teacher who agrees that DD needs to find friends - has tried to encourage friendships but nothing has worked so far. DD likes to play with teddies etc and if anything has got on better with younger ones in year 1 or even reception but I dont want to encourage this as she will move to junior school at the end of yr 2.
Sorry this is so long but I just want to know how normal is it to really seem so consistently not wanting to go to school. She says she wants to be at home with me - maybe I have been overly protective with my "baby"? I have another DD and also DS who both thrive at school.

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TheodoresMummy · 10/12/2007 10:30

Hi Stuckathomemum.

What do your instincts tell you to do ?

kaz33 · 10/12/2007 10:34

I feel for you, I have a year 2 and a recpetion boy. Luckily they most of the time are happy to go to school.

DS1, though very bright, is being really pushed in year 2 and is very down on himself not being able to do the work. Even though the school are happy with his level of attainment. He also finds it difficult to retain friends, he sort of makes them but doesn't have the ability to retain them or develop the relationship. Also we have done lots of playdates but to no real avail, I tend to invite the kids over whose parents are my friends He also finds it easier to play with younger children, he is an August baby so the youngest in the year.

I love my child, but he is very annoying, he whines and over reacts to small insults and physical play (despite often being the instigater). I can easily see why he rubs everyone up the wrong way.

This is a very good book which I have bought to understand my son's behaviour a bit better and why he finds it difficult. Its a positive book with lots of thoughts about things to do with your child and how to talk to them about friendship. oks&qid=1197282800&sr=8-8

stuckathomemum · 10/12/2007 10:54

Thanks kaz33. I will definitely try and get that book although may have to wait till after Xmas - my "to do" and "to buy" list is so long at the moment.

Theodore's mummy - initially my instinct was that it would be a phase I'm afraid but it seems to have got worse as the term as gone on and now she is literally counting the days left this term as if Christmas is a lifeline. I am just dreading the start of next term. I just dont know what to think/do.

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TheodoresMummy · 10/12/2007 11:48

Would you consider Home Education or do you want to find a solution to her unhappiness at school ?

Do you think there are problems at school that hopefully can be sorted ? Or do you think she just doesn't suit school ?

Sorry to throw questions at you. Just trying to get a clearer picture.

stuckathomemum · 10/12/2007 12:22

I am just not cut out for home-ed. Admire those who can/do this but I know I couldnt.

I think she has developed a "mindset" if that makes sense. Sometimes she is physically upset too (tummy/headache which seems genuine) but mostly just unhappy about idea of going to school. Maybe its just that she feels very alone there. But how to change this?

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TheIceQueen · 10/12/2007 12:24

When we had the Yr2 parents evening in September - one of the first things we were told was that a lot of children find the "jump" to YR2 quite difficult, there's less emphasis on "play" and more on structured learning at a desk (for example) and the work does become harder . And that it often takes until after Christmas for some of them to settle.

newgirl · 10/12/2007 13:33

it does sound very upsetting for you both so lots of sympathy to you

perhaps meet again with the teacher? are you in a position to consider a different school, perhaps small and private? no idea if that would help or not - it would be beyond me but it might be the answer?

does your dd have friends out of school? perhaps that would be a good thing to foster so she grows in confidence where you can help her directly?

anwyay, good luck x

stuckathomemum · 10/12/2007 15:39

Thanks newgirl and IceQueen. Guess I was hoping for lots of replies along the lines of "dont worry its perfectly normal for some children" and I am being overly anxious. I would love to hear from someone else who has experienced something like this.
IceQueen I agree that Yr 2 takes some settling in - my other 2 children found this each year actually to a certain extent but usually in the 2nd half term it was improving not getting worse.
But I will leave it till next term and see if things improve.
I brought my other DD home early today for an appointment and she complained because she was missing the last hour of school! Whereas a couple of weeks ago my unhappy DD had to come home ill and got in the car saying "Oh I love days like today when I can be with you mummy". And she was physically sick (vomiting).

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