Unauthorised abscence of ‘sick’

[retainertrainer]

DS (age 10) has a residential trip at the end of this year. He doesn’t want to go. He’s just not ready for the sleep over aspect of it and I don’t think it’s right to force him into it. He’s the only one not going and he’ll have to go into the lower year for 3 days. I can imagine how humiliating that’ll feel for him. I don’t really want to pretend that he’s sick, it’s mean making him lie and throwing a sicky isn’t really something I want to teach him.

I thought a letter to the head explaining that we’re taking a short family break instead. It’ll be unauthorised and we’ll face a fine but I don’t mind that so much.

Just interested in other opinions.

[Hugglessnuggles]

Don’t push him into something he doesn’t want to do. One of the most important things we can do for our children is let them know we will support their decisions anas not push them into something they don’t want to do.

On a different note when the dc’s were about 7/8 they started asking for and going to sleepovers. We worked it with their friends parents that the first few times we’d be on call for pickups etc throughout the night incase they wanted to come home or their friends go home, as we knew it was highly likely to happen. And yes there was pick ups. But after trying 2/3 times they were happy. Could you try this with one of his friends? Just to get him used to sleepovers? Only a suggestion, ignore me ignore you’ve tried!

[WhyDontYouComeOnOver]

My year 6 10yo doesn't want to go on his residential. I'm a year 6 teacher - I know they're a great experience and have tried to talk him round. He still doesn't want to go. I won't be forcing him - he is his own person and can make decisions.

We always have children who don't want to go on trips. It has no impact on their lives.

[Allusernamestakenbutthis]

My son was actually genuinely sick and they kept suggesting he was making it up, even though he was having diarrhea 20 times a day I was asked is it anxiety lol. Not sure you can win either way OP.

[searing]

My 9 year old has a week away coming up.

It is over 300 pounds, aside from all the gear we have to buy for him to take.

He has never stayed away because we don't have family around and sleepovers don't seem right.

We are letting him go.

I think it is ridiculous and ofcourse some people won't be ready.

I know lots of other parents are quietly seething and I know they can't really afford it but like me feel guilt tripped about not being the only child left behind.

If my son did not want to go I would not force it on him at all.

Good luck with whatever you do.

[GenericHamster]

My son's just moved to a new school and his year four class has a residential in the summer! He's a terrible anxious sleeper as it is and I can't see him wanting to go (he's allowed to book in late as he's new to the school). I'm hoping some others in his class do the same. I don't want him to be the only one not going, but nor do I plan to force him. It actually gives me comfort that the OP's son simply doesn't want to go.

[Artfullydead]

Mummyshark, from what OP has said, that description doesn't fit him. I don't think this is a vulnerable, anxious kid. It's a kid who isn't keen on sleeping over.

He is confident enough in himself to say "you know what, this isn't for me"

You might be surprised to know that on the hellish occasions I've done overnight residential trips it's confident, cheeky kids who suddenly go into floods of tears.

[Maldives2006]

They’re not an essential part of education but when they are done well they can offer far more than a school environment ever will.

My child has been on ski camps and summer camps in a different language since he was 8 (we lived abroad). He has adhd (inattentive) and dyslexia, he has just finished a ski camp.

My youngest (7 years old and very mommy loving) went on her 1st camp last summer. I was prepared to go fetch her especially when I found out all her friends had taken mobile phones apart from her. I thought it would be a disaster, the upshot was the camp was a huge success and she had an absolutely fantastic time. The kids were kept busy from the time they woke up to when they went to be bed. There were lots of cuddles and hugs on camp and my child was very happy.

Of course not every child will be ready to go but as long as they are not going for the right reasons then of course there will be no lasting damage. I’m just giving another side.

[Mummyshark2018]

OP I can totally understand where you're coming from. I personally think year 5 is young for residentials. I am not an anxious parent (usually!) and my child is very confident but I would feel a bit unsure about this in particular because they are further from home. However I would totally encourage my child to go.
FWIW I met with a teacher recently who had been on a res trip with her class. There is an extremely 'vulnerable' child in her class who found the nighttimes very difficult (teacher sat up with him until 3am on both nights) , but he loved the day time activities and came back more confident and was really proud of himself. Could you speak to school staff about what they do if a child is homesick? Also have you left it open to your child as things 'could' change and they might change their mind?

[GnomeDePlume]

SaturdayNext not disputing that they happened just that they werent everywhere. DH and I grew up in different parts of the country and neither of us had come across whole year residential trips. Both of us managed to grow up and leave home so I dont think they are an essential component of primary education.

[GnomeDePlume]

I dont see the benefit of sending him in to go into a lower year as a way of having to put up with 'consequences'.

Consequence of what? Not being ready? Not wanting to have a miserable time?

These residential trips as an amazing experience for all seem to have a lot of cod child psychology behind them.

[SaturdayNext]

I am not sure when the year 6 residential trip became so common

Years ago. The school where I'm a governor has been organising residential trips for children in Years 5 and 6 for at least 35 years.

[cece]

My ds didn't do sleepovers at friend's houses till he was 14. He tried but I'd have to collect him every time.

However, he throughly enjoyed his year 6 residential trip and many, many scout camps.

Just something to consider.

[grenadezombie]

His class will feel snubbed and he will be less integrated because he is missing a shared experience.

There is a thread running just now about the most amazing thing you have read on Mumsnet. It's full of batshit crazy things people have said. This comment is a strong contender for that thread.

[ChardonnaysPrettySister]

If he doesn’t want to it will be more harmful to force him.

I hated camp, my parents made me go and I hated every minute.

Write to the HT, explain the reason and that’s that.

[RuthW]

I did exactly that. Dd didn't want to go on the yr6 residential. She just wasn't ready to be away from home so I arranged our annual 5 day holiday to coincide.

She's 22 now and has been away at uni 4 years.

[CarolDanvers]

I don't think you really understand many children and how they think @CherryPavlova you are making these assertions of how children feel, like they are interchangeable and all behave exactly the same. Lots of adults do this I have noticed. As though, you, one adult, knows what's best for 1000's of different children and their needs. It's so arrogant when you think about it.

[Norestformrz]

It's hard not to feel left out when everyone is talking about a shared experience regardless of how well your heads screwed on but as I said this is usually very short lived

[Artfullydead]

I don't think he'll feel left out, he sounds like he's got his head screwed on. So does his mother.

[retainertrainer]

He’s 9 Gnome (year 5) he’ll be just 10 when he goes. You’re right, there’s such a broad range of development in his class-physically and emotionally.

[Norestformrz]

"His class will feel snubbed and he will be less integrated because he is missing a shared experience" nonsense!
He may however feel left out when they first return as they will naturally chat about the trip but this will be short lived and life will continue as before.

[retainertrainer]

CherryPavlova please keep it coming, you’re giving me and my DH a great laugh. You couldn’t make this shit up.... oh wait, you are!

[GnomeDePlume]

I am not sure when the year 6 residential trip became so common. Age 10/11 is such a variable developmental age. Some children are totally ready to go away, others less so or not ready at all. Expecting the unwilling to go because they might enjoy it doesnt seem very empathetic to different children's needs.

[Yabbers]

all decisions have a consequence and that if it means being in with the younger ones for a few days so be it. It’s his choice and he should own it

Maybe OP wants to teach him that she has his back, and will support his decisions, rather than him being taught that if he doesn’t follow the crowd and have the courage to say no when he doesn’t want to, there are “consequences”

The children who I have known who have been encouraged to do exactly what they want, when they want without challenge tend to be those who isolate themselves from their peers.

DD9 cannot be pushed. Most of the time she can’t be encouraged. She knows her strengths, know what she is capable of and will get to where she needs to be in her own damned time. If we continued to push her, all that would happen is all 3 of us would be miserable. She is not at all isolated from her peers. Nowadays kids aren’t expected to be sheep and follow the crowd.

[C8H10N4O2]

His class will feel snubbed and he will be less integrated because he is missing a shared experience.

What utter nonsense.

Only a total drama queen would assign so much importance to one event in a child's development.

[NOTthepinkranger]

I was never once considered an odd bod for not wanting to go away with my class, I just didn’t want to go.

Clearly you’re less mature than primary school children.