Want dd to do 7+ but not sure

[frumpyballoon]

Dd is still 4 & currently in reception. Me and dh very academic, went to academic schools and followed into academic careers.
It’s all we know and we fall into those stereotypical parents who plan a similar path to our own for our dd.
However now we are taking a step back. Dd is bright and picks things up quickly but she is easily distracted and seems to float around a lot. She is ahead in her reading/writing not sure about maths as even though she seems fine the school haven’t given us much feedback on it yet, we will be getting her end of year report at end of this term.
We were planning to enter her for the 7+ at more academically selective schools but wonder how you make this decision on if it’s right for your child. Obviously the schools will do this as well but how do we decide if it’s right for our dd to make her sit the tests?

Has anyone had experience of deciding? I am also worried that if it’s too academic do the dc lose out on other activities such as sport and music? Dd is really good at tennis and is progressing well in two instruments so I wouldn’t want her to lose out on these activities simply because we pushed her off to an academic school. Are we just overly anxious parents or is it real that she might have to drop her other activities in favour of academics and also will her easily distracted floaty attitude be a big problem? She still learns and gets the right answers etc but it’s hard work telling if she’s actually learning at the time as she drifts off quickly.

[frumpyballoon]

@henrietta1199 no she’s not in a hot house she’s in one that prepares for the next selective entrances, however, others have gone onto do well in the 7+ and left current school so it’s not impossible but I will definitely have to help her at home or tutor or whatever it takes.

I am going to do some tutoring over summer and see how she’s gets on. She’s intelligent and lots of dc do well at 11+ stage as well, although I know some of the schools are already stopping the 11+ so who knows what will be going on when dd applies at that stage.
She’s no ‘genius’ though so whether she passes or not is ok because her current school is nice
I simply didn’t want her to be behind in life because I didn’t try and we already missed the 4+ etc so thought better be prepared for this, hence the OP.

[henrietta1199]

I think you child shall decide at age 16-18 which path to chose: academics, sport, music, art etc. But if by that time the child does not have a good academic background and grades, her choices would be limited.

[henrietta1199]

If you not sure that you want your child to join large selective school now, if your child is not in a hot 7+prep house school and you do not have a tutor, your chances to get into such schools are close to zero.

[LadyPeacock]

My daughter played the piano from the age of 3 and the other day she found an ideal piano at Gatwick and played for an airport full of, otherwise bored and delayed travellers. The applause echoed so loud! It was beautiful.

You are certain all the other travellers wanted to listen to a child play the piano??

[frumpyballoon]

Yes @HoverParent we did indeed miss the boat for 4+. Hopefully we can catch up now!

[HoverParent]

4 is not too early. You have already missed the 3+ and 4+ admissions to selective schools. So did we. I wish someone had told us earlier. 3+ is by far the easiest point of entrance, your kid would have done brilliantly by the sound of it.

For 7+, you have plenty of time to prep, so don't give up, you will have another chance at it then!

[frumpyballoon]

Was meant to read we wouldn’t be upset!

[Maldives2006]

Why would you be upset with a 6 year old if she didn’t get into a school?

[frumpyballoon]

Thanks @mumteacher your reply is appreciated, we aren’t so pushy we’d be upset with dd if she didn’t get in anywhere but I also think that I will try and give her a best shot. She’s very happy at the moment so I hope to continue that.

[mumteacher]

The 7+ process depending on which schools you apply to. For the most part it doesn’t need to be desperately intensive. For some of them more intrusive assessments at schools like Nlcs you should be looking at around 1 hour of extra work a day.

Start slowly, at the beginning of year 1 by adding 10 mins of maths and 30 mins (extra) of reading time with meaningful questions.
Build this up to a level where your dd can complete a 7+ past paper in the allocated time.

Reading is the key. Right now as she’s young you read to her. R. Dhal is a great place to start. Reading a ‘big’ book where you don’t finish it in one sitting will help concentration and memory.

There are plenty who may use terms such as ‘pushy mum’ etc But you know your daughter.
Don’t let anyone tell you learning an instrument and playing tennis with 7 year olds isn’t an amazing achievement.
Celebrate it! You’re doing a fabulous job!
My daughter played the piano from the age of 3 and the other day she found an ideal piano at Gatwick and played for an airport full of, otherwise bored and delayed travellers. The applause echoed so loud! It was beautiful.

The 7+ at the competitive schools is not for the faint hearted, however if you dedicate enough time to it (and by that I mean starting early and not cramming everything 3 months before the assessments) you should be fine.

Much luck.

[frumpyballoon]

@Mueslibox I’m glad your local school turned around! I know I can’t just up and leave to a field somewhere not to mention London isn’t one of those places you can leave and find the same setup should you wish to return!

We like our life. Without the school issues we are happy. And these issues can be resolved.

[Mueslibox]

Also we were in London and moved out to NI where schools are insanely good. Guess what, we have to move back as we can have six figure salaries there and the only job I have found here is minimum wage on a till. I started a thread on it mn outlining details and response was unanimous: move back to London. It has been without a doubt the most financially precarious and emotionally wrenching and stressful years of my life. And yes all the fields and beaches and whatever cannot make up for the fact that you suddenly can’t ensure your children’s financial stability, so I wish people would stop patronisingly telling the OP to go live in a field. OP I am in similar situation to you apart from the tennis and music, I moved my lovely ds out and now we have to come back and it’s so stressful and I don’t know what school to go for. Only local state school was in special measures, superhead parachuted in, turned around, now he’s off again.

Also in the super caring chilled out seaside community school in NI they do a ton of homework in reception equivalent? All the schools do here.

[juicyknowledge]

What is the endgame here?

The endgame is a world where women get to choose when to be home, and when to work, without being judged.

[wowsaidtheowl]

We did 7+ in January this year with very little prep. We helped DD with some verbal reasoning because she had no experience of it all but that was it. We decided that if she was academic enough she’d get in and if not it wasn’t the right system for her. It was totally stress free. Different schools work for different families and children- there’s nothing wrong with choosing a selective system.

[Lowdoorinthewal1]

What is the endgame here?

[Kokeshi123]

You've been to a v academic school and Oxbridge and now you are giving all that up to make sure your daughter does the same? Seems v circular?

That's what I was thinking. Sounds like a pyramid scheme, unless the idea is that DD is going to marry a stay-at-home-husband who will do all the staying-at-home for her? What is the endgame here?

[Dancergirl]

What homework could there be for a 4 year old? Surely it's just learning to read at that point - losing a 'lovely' nanny because she wasn't doing it well enough is rather OTT

Completely agree I'm afraid OP.

Look I know you have the best intentions and want the best for your daughter but you are really way over-thinking the academic side of things for a FOUR year old.

Reception year is really about settling into school life, making friends, learning to play games, take turns and so on. What they learn academically in reception really has little bearing on academic success later on - my oldest dd didn't 'get' reading until Year 1 - all the other children were on higher levels than her. Now she is doing A Level English and a top student in her year.

Just relax and enjoy doing fun stuff with your little girl! Even if you decide to apply for 7+ you don't need to think about it right now.

You say your dd is easily distracted and 'floats around a lot'. That is NORMAL! Daydreaming, using imagination and just watching the world go by is so important at this age, much more so than reading or Maths.

[juicyknowledge]

OP, it certainly worked for us. 1 hour a week in Y1 and perhaps a little more in Y2 and making use of the christmas break right before the 7+ (when there's no homework from school) to practise timed tests are all you need. And my DS enjoyed the whole process - I would never do this if he didn't enjoy learning new things or he felt he was missing out on his play time.. you are the best judge of you child and you know when to stop/start the preparations. But you need to be very smart about what to cover in the little time you get.

And after school activities definitely help in the process too - they make children well rounded individuals, help them stretch their creativity and keep them away from iPads! And just so you know, a lot of the schools do sports and music as part of the 7+ assessments too.

[TJsAunt]

OP - you are just confirming my suspicions. What homework could there be for a 4 year old? Surely it's just learning to read at that point - losing a 'lovely' nanny because she wasn't doing it well enough is rather OTT.

And what appointments are 'necessary' for a 4 year old? If your whole focus is the school run and ferrying her to after school activities then that might be why you're losing some perspective?

Being a SAHM can be fulfilling and enriching - but you do need a focus other than your one child IMO.

[frumpyballoon]

@juicyknowledge your response is exactly what I was wanting from this op in hindsight! I love that idea. Myself putting a limit on prep for the 7+ so as not to stress us all out.

@TJsAunt I am keen now to be there for every possible appointment necessary for my dd currently.
I in no way intend to stay off work forever.
We had a lovely nanny since dd was 6 m old but turns out she was just awful at keeping up with homework and even relaying things the school needed me to know ASAP so we thought it best I take the reins until we find our way and dd is happy and settled and then I’ll be back to work.

No way I could survive being a sahm forever. I mean it’s got its perks but my wardrobe has positively gone downhill since my salary’s disappeared. One cannot live like this on a permanent basis 

[CruCru]

Yes, I do mean encourage / facilitate. From what I can see, pretty much all the schools seem desperate to not be perceived as "hothouses". Having kids who also play a lot of sport and / or musical instruments probably helps with that.

[TJsAunt]

OP - you do across as being pretty self aware - which is more than I can say for the majority of pushy Mums I've met....

But to have given up work to focus on a 4 year old who's now at school is just.... odd. Unless you really hated your work then it's a massive personal sacrifice? You've been to a v academic school and Oxbridge and now you are giving all that up to make sure your daughter does the same? Seems v circular?

The 7+ can work - nice to avoid the 11+/13+ craziness. But would definitely recommend getting some balance back in your own life - there are 14 more years of school ahead of you so you need to pace yourself.

[juicyknowledge]

OP, I have gone through the same decision making confusion a year or so ago. I even posted about it here and got some great advice. Moving at 7+ is very very normal in London and one of the choices available to us urban moms to get into the right school quite early (unlike what some of the other posters here seem to be saying).

We decided to do the 7+ BUT decided to spend only a maximum of 1 hour on weekends to prepare for the test to keep both our sanities intact. We got into our top choice and 2 backup schools and all of them were quite well balanced between academics, music and sports. I don't think it's fair to make a choice on academics versus sports at the age of 6, so I would definitely recommend looking around for schools that offer all activities in a balanced way. Academics at the very top academic school versus academics at a medium-top school are not that vastly different. They all end up in similar places.

What I would recommend is looking around, visiting as many schools as possible, and then taking the test (if you decide to go for it) very lightly so as not to put too much pressure on the child. Also, don't go by the rankings of schools, sometimes the best school for your child may be an unexpected one.

[sirfredfredgeorge]

I would expect that any academic school would also prioritise music and sport

How can a school prioritise academic, music and sport? What would be deprioritised; mental health, sleep, what else is there?

Maybe it's just a usage of the word of prioritise that I'm quibbling and you're meaning it in more of an encourage/facillitate sense.

[frumpyballoon]

@Dancergirl I put dd in for 2 instruments actually so she can eventually drop the one she’s least keen on in future as I’m doubting she’ll carry on with two. I started lessons at 4 and still play so not always the case to become bored with it, I also asked the music teacher who is the same for both if she was ready as I didn’t want to put her in before she was.
As pushy as I am, her wellbeing does come first and I ask her here and there how she’s finding each activity. I’m certainly no tiger mom! Far too lazy myself.

I asked in my OP re what made you think 7+ was suitable for your dc (for selective schools) because I can’t make my mind up if I should go down that route. I did refuse to let dd be interviewed at one school at 2 years old. Seemed daft^^ at the time. But now I’m realising it’s becoming more and more normal.
And although I’m already paying school fees and the academics are probably on par with an outstanding state school, the other non academic opportunities currently available to dd are great imo so we’ve kept her there for now.
Moving to the countryside got discussed as a result of this thread for nearly a whole 5 minutes last night despite the possibility of endless land and floor space, I think we truly are urban creatures after all.