Child going back to nursery then repeat p1 help?!?!

[user1122]

Ok so this is a complicated one and long one!!
My little boy started school last Aug, I know in my heart he wasn't ready but listened to people around me and sent him, it's the biggest mistake ever, he is so unhappy, he has anxiety and is really struggling emotionally, his teacher is not caring and understanding, she has said it's my anxiety that's causing him to feel this way, he pleads with me everyday not to take him to school, he fakes illness, bed wets and tells me lots of things that he hates about school and the teacher is the main one!
We are moving house in 2 weeks so we thought this will be a fresh start for him and hopefully a more positive teacher and school
Unfortunately the new school has space for his older sibling but not him p1 is full, iv contacted council and nothing can be done, so they can offer a taxi to his current school but this will be extremely upsetting for him, he will struggle with the changes and getting put into a taxi with a stranger is a very scary thought!
So I spoke to current head teacher and she suggested putting him to nursery in new school and let him re start p1 in Aug, the more iv thought the more I think it would work, I have a list of pro's and cons and this is honestly what I think is best, I know it sounds crazy
So the council are telling me this hasn't been done before ,
Does anyone know where I stand with this,
Please bare in mind he has just turned 5 last week

[user1122]

Can you pm me first, I'm new to this 🙈

[user1122]

I'm trying but they are all making it so hard, it's obvs not a common thing I'm asking for , not sure if it's complicated paper work or they just don't know how to, I'm meeting with current school and education officer tomorro so I'm hoping to come away with some positives

[NotLadyPrickshit]

I think I've sent a message

[Bumply]

Ds1 went to a tiny school (26 in entire primary , 3 in p1)
I moved in May and new school said he'd learnt virtually nothing in the 1st school and he'd really struggle in P2 unless I spent entire summer holidays tutoring him. Or I was given the option of starting him again P1 in August.
I went with the latter option and he never looked back.
So it can be done.

[Bumply]

Forgot to say ds1 was February born, so of an age to be deferred

[QuackDuckQuack]

Financially the council would be better off letting him go into the nursery class as there would be no cost to them for adding a child to the nursery. Instead they seem to want to spend money on a taxi.

[user1122]

Yeah I agree it does seem crazy they are willing to spend it on that but couldn't spend it on an additional assistance for the current p1 class

[NotLadyPrickshit]

Quack they will need to apply for funding if OP's DS was to return to nursery as funding is based on the number of children.

[PinkFluffiUnicorn]

As I understand it, legally, in Scotland, once you have put him in p1, the council are legally required to have him in education. I.e. School & not nursery. I might have it wrong. But I didn't decide fully till day before due to start p1 to defer! They were not happy but we were!
It might be easyer to homeschool if you can & just start p1. Might be useful to get your mp, msp involved? They usually know who to ask, good luck

[Groovee]

I work in nursery and in rare occasions we have had a child returned to us during P1 as it was too much. The child has then gone to school in the August and they've always settled much better.

[rainingkitsandpups]

Sounds like it would be best for your son. Push for back into nursery then P1 in August.

[Firecarrier]

Hi User

Unfortunately I dont know anything about the system in Scotland but just wanted to say you are right in being concernedif your little boy is as distressed as you say. It is all very well for someone to say that they have seen a child upset and cheer up once mum has left but this is obviously much deeper rooted than that. I had a similar experience with my DS who started Reception the previous year and was very anxious. waking at night upset. dreading schooldays etc. I kept being told by the head that he was fine when I left - but just because he wasnt actively crying (what was the point he knew I wouldnt appear until hometime!) it didnt mean he was happy.
He was also born end of August and simply was not ready. I put him part time in a childminders where he was much happier being in a small group then restarted him this past September and hes like a different child.
Bear in mind also that his teacher and TA are both 'good' 'nice' teachers so I really feel for you.
Good Luck

[littledinaco]

Firecarrier agree completely. The crying when you are there can often be their way of trying to tell you how distressed/unhappy they are but once you've gone, what can they do?they just have to resign themselves to it as they have no choice.
A lot of children just aren't ready for school at that age.

[user1122]

Groovee are you in Scotland? I have actually contacted local MP but not heard back from him as yet, didn't really expect to tbh, thank you firecarrier, this is their common answer to all my worries, he doesn't get anxiety in school and he is fine when u go, I am well aware of this, he is a switched on he knows I am gone like u say and he does have anxiety in school but bottles it up till home time then explodes! The fact of it all is he is unhappy at school and this shouldn't be the case! I have a meeting with education officer and ht today so fingers crossed we can come up with a solution to make his life a bit easier 🙏🏻

[user1122]

Thanks littledinaco, I agree, and unfortunately I made the wrong decision to send him, so if I can do anything at this point to rectify it I will

[littledinaco]

That's heartbreaking op. I didn't mean you had made the wrong decision, just that I think it's too young for a lot of children.

I know you said you think he would get comfortable at home but I don't think that's necessarily the case. Come September, he will have grown up a lot by then and might just be so much more ready and happy to go. The break from the stress of being unhappy every day may do him the world of good.
You also said you would prefer him in education but if he's bottling it all up every day then exploding at home, that must be really stressful for him holding it all together-how much is he able to learn?and is what he does learn worth putting him through all that stress? There is loads you can do with him at home.
Not saying to definitely do this, just some things to think about. You sound like a really lovely mum and I'm sure you'll make the right decision for him.

[user1122]

Littledinaco thank you so much for your positive words
I will do what's best for my little one
Iv heard back from Local MP and he is contacting the director of education in my area to discuss further options and I'm off to my meeting soon so hopefully will have some positives by the end of the week 👍🏻

[LunaLoveg00d]

Definitely would agree that back to nursery until summer and then into a new P1 in the summer as one of the older one sounds like a superb option for your child.

[Twopeapods]

Hi
I'm in clacks council along the road and I know they aren't keen to let you keep them back a year but they do if the parent feels it really is nursery. My DD1 was quite far advanced for her age and is a January baby and coping well at school. DD2 is a Feb baby and has just turned two the other day. She won't be starting until April next year and she is not emotionally as advances as DD1 so I'm already wondering if she would be better getting kept back a year. Time will tell but I hope the council will be willing to work with me.
In your case I would start him in P1 at new school in August. I think a taxi to old school will stress him out if he is already anxious, especially if he and you are not fond of the teacher, and in the meantime would they place him in nursery for at least a couple sessions and allow some time to learn some basics at home to help prepare him?

[Groovee]

User I am in Scotland x

[user1122]

So meeting was not helpful at all
The education officer and head teacher cannot offer me a better solution
They don't think a child going back to nursery is good for his wellbeing but are looking into it with the help of the educational psychologist,
I have left feeling very upset and let down
These people talk the talk and live by the "getting it right for every child" but in reality they are not ! I know my child and I know this is a difficult situation but they just don't seem to want to let him return , they think the best solution is to bundle a vulnerable and upset child into a taxi and transport him to a school that can't support him where he is unhappy or taxi him to another school where he knows no one then in Aug to start his local school !
I had no choice but to threaten to remove him completely until they sort out the situation
We move house next fri so they have until then
I am at a loss on what to do for the best 😢😔

[Boiled7Up]

Did you actually make that threat?!

It might push their hand but it might not.

You must look into your other childcare options.

• Is homeschooling possible?
  
• Can you afford a private nursery?
  
• Can you afford a childminder?
  

You are proposing a lot of transitions (out of school, back to nursery for 4 months, out of nursery, back to school). Anyone would question whether this would suit an anxious child or disturb his routine even more.

Secondly, it is February. Not August. Your child has spent a long time at school. Would you have considered this if you weren't moving house?

Thirdly, this is extremely rare. I have never heard of a child returning to nursery from P1. You were warned about this on your original thread.

[littledinaco]

Sorry to hear it didn't go well.
So, are your options to keep him off school until August or send him in a taxi to either old school or different school until August?

If you really think the nursery at the new school is the best place for him then you might be able to 'fight' to get them to agree to this but you need to decide if you think it's worth it.
Have you been to look at the new nursery? How do you think your DS would feel going back to nursery? What's the age gap between him and those in the nursery?

Agree with pp, it seems like a lot of transitions for him in such a short space of time, especially as he is already struggling.

Is there such a thing as a 'waiting list' for him in new school? Not sure how it works in Scotland but is there a chance a place may come up for him before August?

[user1122]

It does sound like a big transition but he knows the teachers in nursery from my previous childcare job, 8 kids he went to pre school with were deferred so he would start with them and he told me he wants to be a baby again so he doesn't need to go back to the horrible school and spend more time with mum, I genuinely don't think he would see it as a step back but just to release the pressure he is under, in either of the situations there is going to be change so I have to think what will be the least disruptive and nursery comes out best as he is so familiar with it all and then will flow onto school with hopefully a more positive outlook and fresh start

[user1122]

He is on the waiting list and is guaranteed a place in Aug