Should DC come to parents evening?

[TripTrappedNow]

In my house we never went, parents went alone. In DH's house kids went along too.

DC is 7.

[TheSunnySide]

I went along with my parents when I was older - usually it was in an open hall with everyone together and my parents thought it was good for me to hear what the teachers had to say. Not sure what the situation was in Primary. My son's school (he is 6) have people there (TAs) to keep the children occupied while parents speak to the teachers. At this age there is very little to discuss though.

[TeenAndTween]

At primary, even in Reception, DD just waited outside the room with colouring / a book. I wanted/needed to be able to have an adult-adult discussion and to say things I couldn't say in front of the DC.

At our secondary the DC are expected to attend (I think it helps the teachers know who they are talking about), and are often asked 'how do you think you are getting on'. Before attending I discuss each subject with the DC so we don't get 'rabbit in headlights' and I can prompt them e.g. 'you said sometimes it is a bit fast' or whatever.

[zippygeorgeandben]

triptrappednow it's not very often I hear the word eloquently used to describe something I said! Thanks for the nice reply.

[Thirtyrock39]

Parents evening is one of the rare chances I get to talk to the teacher 1:1 and there's sometimes things you may want to talk about that I'd rather the kids not hear (oldest doesn't have many friends etc...) but I struggle with pulling in any extra childcare so I had to take mine last time but they had to wait outside the classroom (my rule not schools) took iPads books etc to distract them. Usually I try and get my husband to go as he's in education so knows all the important questions to ask !!

[zippygeorgeandben]

Important questions are all very well but when I see a parent for consultation the most important thing for me to acknowledge is the fact that that is what they are. Parents of children who they love dearly. How's he/she settling in? friendship circles, active in class etc.

[nooka]

I can't remember at what age we were expected to bring our children to parents evenings, but I think it was pretty early as I can't remember getting childcare, and dh and I have always gone together. I also remember some quite funny discussions with ds and his teachers. Actually that's one of the plus points of taking your child along as you get to see the interaction between them and their teachers. We also had a few meetings without children when ds's behaviour was an issue, but they were very different to the general 'how's he doing' parents evening.

[SummerSazz]

Ours are in the hall but you cant over hear. Children and siblings play with toys /Lego in the middle. So children show their parents all their books but aren't involved I the conversation

[catkind]

Dithering about same. DC' school do seem to encourage them coming along, but...
I find these things really hard at the best of times, it's a short meeting and a lot of information to assimilate. It may be harder to get the straight story out of them with DS there too.
On the other hand /if/ I can get DS to tell the teacher what he's telling us at home it would be a huge step forward, and might help establish communications for in class. But given a large part of the problem is DS hiding his problems from teachers, that may be too much to hope for.

[mrz]

We have separate pupil consultations (meetings with child ) each term in Key Stage 2

[CauliflowerSqueeze]

You said you wished the school was a bit clearer. They said they don't want kids there but if they enforced that then some families who were unable to arrange childcare wouldn't come. And some flakey families would use that as an excuse.

[Lindy2]

We are supposed to take our children with us from year 1 upwards.They call them family consultation at our school now.I hate it and would much rather they weren't there.

• We only get 10 minutes. I don't want 3 minutes of that wasted by my child showing me a piece of work they have prepared for parent's evening. I like to see their work but I need that 10 minutes to actually talk to the teacher (who I rarely see, not my child who I see everyday).
  
• There are things I might want to ask that I would rather my child didn't listen to. I end up not asking those questions.
  
• I have 2 children of very different abilities and personalities. I don't want the other child to be part of their sibling's parent's evening. I have to book 2 different days so I can just take 1 child at a time.
  

It actually really annoys me and it makes the whole thing much less useful for me.

[AutumnSunday]

Having asked the teacher I was told they prefer dc to wait in another area.

Ok by me, there were things I wanted to talk to the teacher about without ds there.

[sirfredfredgeorge]

What do people want to talk about with their child about their education which isn't urgent but they don't want to talk about it in front of their children?

[TeenAndTween]

What do people want to talk about with their child about their education which isn't urgent but they don't want to talk about it in front of their children?

• Is her poor speech affecting friendships / learning
• Just how far behind is her spelling / handwriting
• We aren't convinced friendship X is good for her
• Please can you praise her more
• She feels excluded by most of the other girls
• We feel she is emotionally much younger than the others, do you agree

[Oblomov16]

No in primary. Yes in secondary.

[Oblomov16]

"DH worries that DC will hate us talking about him behind his back."



This is what parents evenings are supposed to be about.
For parents to get feedback on their children without the children there so the teachers can say what they really want to say.

[catkind]

We did take DC in the end and it was really positive. Nothing like a child close to tears for convincing teacher something really needs to be done. Hopefully may have opened the door for DS to take issues to teacher more instead of pretending everything's fine at school and unloading on us.