school gates...what's your view?

[targaryen]

When my first child was at primary school I worked full time and so didn't do all drop offs and pick ups. I worked shifts so could manage a couple every week.
I liked when I could drop her off and pick her up and enjoyed having that time with her.
My son is in primary two and following mat leave of child no 3 I gave up work meaning I do all drop offs and pick ups.
I find it quite hard. It's really cliquey and there's a whole group of girls mums who congregate round the gates so you've got to walk through them all....I don't understand why they have to stand in such a big group at the front ?

I spoke to my husband and he said I need to toughen up a bit, and it's not about me but about my ds.
My ds is a very very active outgoing child and is really happy where he is.

How do other people feel about the school gates? Sure I can't be the only one who finds it all a bit of a minefield !

[Notthinkingclearly]

My kids go to a local village school but the majority are sahm's but are very well off. They spend their time in their gym kit and out to lunch. I look like the village idiot compared to them as all I do is play with kids and cook, clean etc. they nearly all have cleaners and drive around In 4 x4's. Although most are not unfriendly i have nothing in common so now a days try only rock up at last minute so I don't have to feel like like Billy no mates. It is hard because its often the only contact I have with adults during the day. DH thought I was exaggerating until he did the school run!

[Autumnsky]

Maybe you can try to find at least a couple of mums that you can be friends with? Like your Kids' best friends mum. There must be something you are all interested, like kids' education?

[gandalf456]

I think we always have our children in common but what I have found personally is that I have become bored with the whole scene. My eldest is now 11, youngest 7 and have talked about the children to death. I know there are other topics but I find the school gates so hit and miss. I don't know why we put so much pressure on ourselves to make friends. When we go to the supermarket, we still have loads of people there for the same reason but we don't expect to hit it off with fellow shoppers there or want to chat about baked beans or whatever. I really think that, if the school gates don't work for you (and I stress they do for some as the evidence is clearly there) then try to meet people in other ways if that's the problem.

[CookieDoughKid]

You are definitely not the only one.

But I think there is lots you can do for yourself.

It's your inner voice making you feel like this. Most parents know they aren't there to make friends but if they do, it's a bonus. It's far too transient as an environment even for me to make chit chat. Be comfortable in your own skin and don't feel pressured to do anything. You are absolutely fine as you are.

I go to school run to pick up and go. I get there 60secs before collection time as really, don't want to speak to other parents precisely because of the situation you describe. But then, it has stopped bothering me.

[TheoriginalLEM]

I now time my drop off and pick ups so that its all very last minute - head down, no eye contact.

[Luna9]

I never feel oblige to talk to anybody if I don't have anything to say or if I don't know them. I do say hello to people I know and if I bump into anybody close and we are not in a rush we may have a small conversation. The majority of the time I just get my dds to school and pick them up and don't talk to anybody. If someone else if chatting by the gate and blocking the entrance it may bother me a bit. I find it strange when some people you know, only one or 2 seem to look the other way to avoid saying hello. What does it take saying hi when you are passing by at the end of the day the majority of people is in a rush

[riodances27]

I'm looking forward to the end of the primary school run. There are cliques at my ds primary, but for the most all parents are pretty friendly and nice people. I'm lucky with our school I know they're not all like that!

It's just that sometimes I'm having a rough day and I hate having to put on a smile - when I don't feel like talking to anyone.