Only girls school for my only child ? It is an artificial world?

[ShiftLD]

She doesn't have a brother and the cousins are miles away. If DD goes to an only girls school from Reception will probably have few oportunities to play with boys during hr whole childwood and teenage.

I see this as a problem but DH don't. I think it is artificial, the world is not like that and she must learn succed with boys around, DH thinks she will be fine, Im overthinking.

Should I choose a good co-ed OR accept Im really exagerating and go to the outstanding only girls option !?!?! I'm very confused...

[ridinghighinapril]

Plenty of girls (maybe even the majority) in my DD year (reception) that either only have sisters or are an only child. She is at an a girls indy that goes from 4-18y.
Even at age 3y, she found boys in her kindergarten class very disruptive and used to complain about them to me on a daily basis.
Clearly, it's not a one-size fits all. It suits my girl and if it at any point between 4-18y it seems she needs a different environment then we will look to change. If a school suits your DD then go for it.
Good luck!

[Ohwiseone]

My daughter was at a co-ed prep school until last year when she asked if she could go to an all girls school. She loves maths and sciences and found the boys in her class silly and disruptive. She started at an all girls school Sept 2014 and is loving it. She's excelling in maths and biology and tells me that the teachers do not have to stop experiments etc to ask the boys to stop being silly etc. (She's year 7 btw)
She does however have an older brother and has (up until year 5 of prep) been around boys every day.
Unless your daughter doesn't have any interests outside of school, your friends don't have boys and there are no boys living on your street then she will of course come across boys.
For the academic side of school/education I would most definitely now choose an all girls school and my daughter will be staying at her all girls till she's 18.

[neuroticnicky]

While I had a good time at my all girls school I personally agree with you that its time for everyone to be schooled together and that division on the basis of sex or religion should be resisted wherever possible.In the long run I think this view will prevail as evidenced eg by the fact that the number of single sex private schools has halved in the last 20 years with generally only the better ones surviving. At this rate there will be none left by the end of the century. All it would take to finish off single sex private schools would be for one or two of the really top schools to start accepting members of both sexes at 11 and the others would be bound to follow suit. A similar process took place at Oxbridge colleges where the single sex colleges were eventually forced to take members of the opposite sex as they were languishing at the bottom of the league tables since the brightest students were applying to mixed colleges.

[Seryph]

Frankly I think that single sex primaries are ridiculous and all this "boys distracting the girls" nonsense is appallingly sexist. Girls are just as disruptive as boys, and one's sex does not dictate one's character in utero so can we please get away from this boys are loud and disruptive and play football and girls are cute and studious and like pink!
I personally have generally got on better with girls, I never understood why I should behave "like normal girls", I got grubby and climbed trees AND was studious and hated people mucking about in lessons.
At my all girls state grammar I was horribly bullied, physically and verbally assaulted on at some points a daily basis. My class was full of loud, horrible, stupid girls who did drugs, had sex and avoided learning anything at all. If you were studious you were attacked, had chewing gum spat in your hair, chemicals thrown at you in chemistry lessons etc etc etc.
Thankfully on my 1.5 hour bus ride to school and then back again at the end of the day we had boys from the boys school on the bus too but it was still some of the darkest days of my life. I would never put my children through that, I think all children should be able to mix together regardless of sex, gender, race or religion.

[worcestersauce29]

Our daughter (only child, now 21) went to a coed pre prep, moved to all girls for year 2 through to year 9 when sadly there was a school merger (with her original coed pre prep) and was there until the end of year 11 when she moved to state coed sixth form.
Her favourite time at school was all girls but she has always had no problem with socialising with anyone. She says that if she were ever to have a daughter she would like to 'send them to a school like *'
On the other had I hated my all girls state grammar with a passion.

Ultimately it's what is right for your child, horses for courses and all that

[Crackerjack9]

I went to an all girls high school. It did cause me problems socially and I would only send my children to co-ed schools. However, I was a shy child.

[neuroticnicky]

Re the harassment mentioned by OP, while its obviously true that there is more harrassment at mixed schools than at all girls schools the worst actual abuse has undoubtedly occurred at independent all boys schools where the full extent of the past abuse is only now becoming apparent.

All in all it seems pretty clear to me if not to OP that attending single sex schools is less likely in the long term to lead to harmonious/good relations with members of the opposite sex and the most sexist males I know attended all boys schools and the most feminist females all girls schools which I'm sure is no coincidence.

Indeed while the head of SPGS appeared recently to be complaining about the attitudes produced by all boys schools -see //www.thesundaytimes.co.uk/sto/news/uk_news/Education/article1606292.ece - it could equally be argued that all girls schools produce a certain (dare I say it feminist) outlook that can make it hard to put up with male banter.While I went to an independent girls secondary myself, the most balanced/sane people I know seem to have all been at mixed comps.

[talkinnpeace]

much of the country only has single sex religious schools so its not really an issue

[ChristmasPartyDress]

good way of putting it wrinkly, that although it may be ''artificial'' that does not mean that it is not better.

[APlaceOnTheCouch]

I went to a mixed primary then an all-girls high school. From a STEM pov, single sex is obviously better but . . .I think it did impact on how I related to boys as a teenager even though I went to a mixed youth club, etc.

As an adult, I went on to work in a male dominated area and I don't think it's had a long-term impact on how I relate to men but when I think back to my teenage self, I'm not sure that I wouldn't have been better in a mixed high school.

[BertieBotts]

Yep - as far as sexism goes it seems that girls have a better chance against it by going to all-girls schools. But conversely boys have a better chance of not adopting sexist views if they go to co-ed schools. Funny how that works!

Most single sex schools seem to have a partnership with a local opposite single sex school and they get together for events like dances and charity fundraisers.

[Zodlebud]

I went to a co-ed primary, single sex secondary and co-ed sixth form (my choice to move for sixth form) and we are doing the same with my girls now.

I loved my years in a single sex school and it was totally the right place for me but I did participate in lots of mixed sex activities outside school. I didn't find it at all artificial and actually learned a lot about what it means to be a strong, independent woman - we were given jobs of responsibility and power which in a co-ed school would have had to been shared with the boys. I chose to go co-ed again for A-Levels as I totally believe men and women think differently about things academically and I wanted a different outlook to compare and contrast. I had no issues at all mixing with boys.

I personally wouldn't send my girls to a single sex prep though. I want them to feel all doors are open to them - they play cricket and rugby (and the boys do ballet!) and are not made to feel different in any way. I did see one single sex prep which was very "girly" in it's extra curricular offerings and I found it a bit off putting to be honest.

If you love the single sex school though and you think your daughter will be happy there then go for it.

[Autumnsky]

Although girls be friends with girls only at this stage, but it is still fun to have boys around. I think it is sad to miss this.

[HeadDreamer]

I'm another who went to a girls school, studied engineering and now work as a software developer. It's statistically more likely for girls to study STEM at a girls school because it's not seen as 'male' in these schools.

[HeadDreamer]

This Statistically girls do much better academically in girls only schools, and are more likely to continue with STEM subjects post-16. I wouldn't hesitate to send my DD to an all girls school if there was a good one available.

I would send both my DDs to a all girl school if I could afford the one here.

[ChristmasPartyDress]

such a big deal made out of single sex education. I sent my dd to all girls and have had to listen politely to some right bollox. You would think that a bit of bitchiness (and that happens at mixed schools) is the worst thing a dauughter could endure at school. I was sexually assaulted at my mixed comprehensive. A couple of times. Just picked myself up and dusted myself down and walked in to class where the teachers ignored most of the girls and focused on the boys. Nightmare.

[Millymollymama]

When children attend a single sex school, they are only separated out for a few hours! Honestly, it is not their whole lives that are separated. Of course they are in the real world! They do not live in a total girls' vacuum!

Co-ed can be unsettling for some girls, and definitely in primary, and everyone should be aware that co-ed is not for everyone. It is not always down to discipline in the classroom either. Why do work relationships have to be mirrored in school? There is plenty of time for natural relationships with boys to develop insted of forcing the issue. Also, although girls might be difficult with each other over looks, image etc: boys are very judgemental about how the girls look! I know of boys in co-ed schools who give the girls very unflattering nick names if they are a bit larger and rank them out of 10 on looks and sex appeal. In truth it depends on the children in the school at the given time. No school is ideal!

[neuroticnicky]

Happymummy007 I am happy for your DD-as mentioned I think single sex schools are only justifiable if they are much better than the co-ed alternative and in your case the new school does seems much better. However I'm surprised that at age 9 your DD saw boys as a distraction in class; I can only assume that the co-ed school in question had poorly trained teachers who could not control the classroom.

[Happymummy007]

We've just moved our DD (an only child) from a co-ed primary to a girls' school - she's 9 and in Year 5. My DH works away from home during the week and we have no other male role models near us, so it's very much a female environment. However, I have absolutely no qualms about having moved her. The school (an independent one) is amazing, the results are fantastic and she is very, very happy with the all-girls environment. The simple fact was that at her previous school she increasingly simply saw the boys as a distraction in class, and didn't play with them either. I would also say that my niece went to an all girls boarding school and is now studying engineering with, yep, a whole lot of men. And she hasn't had any trouble in making friends, nor in doing well in her studies.

[neuroticnicky]

I also think that one of the problems is that people who have been to single sex schools or indeed boarding schools often defend them simply because they haven't experienced the alternative. The fact remains that both single sex schools and boarding schools are an unnatural separation from the other sex or one's family and only justifiable if the school is much better in terms of academic results than the mixed/day alternative.

[neuroticnicky]

There is no good reason to send your DD to an all girls school from Reception unless perhaps it is the junior school of a school you are desperate for her to go to at 11 . The argument that girls get distracted by boys in the classroom can't sensibly be made in relation to primary school and it is unnatural to separate the sexes at that age. Some girls have lots of male friends at primary (like DD who loves sport and will play football with the boys) and some just have female friends but still normally enjoy being in a mixed environment.

[Jinglebellsarenearlyhere]

So I had the same decisions to make. I have an only DD. Most of my relatives and friends are female. Only boy cousin to DD miles away. I myself went to an all girls school from age 8 to 18 and do not have brothers.

For me (and I stress it's an individual thing) I could not talk to boys / men with ease for years and years. Even now at 40+ I really struggle to find common ground and see men as a different and slightly scary group of humans.

I did not want this for my DD. So mixed primary it was. And yes it's true that generally girls play with girls and boys boys but the interaction is equal. And although she has no male friends she can chat, play, etc etc with them with ease.

So for secondary we chose mixed. Which meant for us moving out of London as our borough only has single sex schools. There were other reasons for the move but for me this was my primary reason.

I personally believe that school should mimic life. School is to prepare kids for the rest of their life both academically and socially and this means a mixed sex environment.

I appreciate that my experience has influenced my thinking. And it's worth noting that my sister who had the same education as me had and has no issues with speaking / being with men.

I also think that if DD had other boys in her life from clubs / friends / family etc etc it would make me far less concerned.

Also I do think that having an only child does factor as in my opinion only children can live more in a bubble of their lives. Siblings bring their friends / their clubs etc etc into the family experience.

[turquoisetoad]

I have 4 children (2 boys, 2 girls) and they've all gone to co-ed schools and are now thriving in a co-ed state Academy. In fact one of my daughters came top in her chemistry class last week and does not consider it a 'male' subject! They are all doing well academically and socially and have consistently had friends of both gender. We live in a co-ed world, they will work in a co-ed world so why segregate??

[Littlefish]

I went to a girls-only school and as a result, would never consider sending my dd to one.

I found it horrifically bitchy, false and competitive (not academically, competitive, but more relating to clothes, social lives, weight, looks etc).

I had absolutely no idea how to relate to boys and was uncomfortable around them for several years after I left school.

[MMmomKK]

I had the same doubts and I have two Dds. My choice was an average, "happy" co-ed vs several "academic" girls only schools.

The eldest was very shy but bright and we chose the best school for her, which was the girls only school with a small Reception class. Fast forward several years and she is a confident, chatty girl not afraid to speak her mind. At this point she wants girls for friends, and sees boys at activities and sports. Also she loves math and science. Maybe she would consider a co-ed for secondary, or maybe not. Time will tell.
I firmly believe she would have been lost and invisible in a mixed Reception class. I don't think the teacher would have had time to cojole her out of her shell...

Dd2 probably would have done Ok at a co-ed. However, academically their current school is so much better, that it would not make sense to shortchange their education to just to gain a company of boys...