Do schools have a duty to inform parents about events?

[longdiling]

So two parents are divorced and have joint custody. One parent does all school pick ups while the drop offs are shared. The parent doing pick ups gets all letters etc but never informs the other parent of any upcoming events. School assure other parent they will let him know what's happening independently. They don't though. Other parent has missed a vital meeting, nearly missed sports day and now missed a leavers assembly. What duty does the school have to ensure BOTH parents are kept informed.

[balletgirlmum]

Lots of schools have websites but don't publish dates of meeting/events on them.

i missed my daughters leavers assembly 2 years ago because the invitations were made by the children themselves. Dd decided to surprise us by not giving us the invitation but leaving it in our bedroom for us to discover. It was never discovered.

[NotCitrus]

Or maybe the website has all the required stuff but not things like "this Friday will be a dress as your favourite dinosaur day and please bring 20p for Save the Dinosaurs" or "MiniCitrus will be getting an award UN Assembly the day after tomorrow if you want to come watch"?

There seems to be shedloads of this stuff which relies on notes in bookbags and if you as a parent don't see the note that night, and your child has turned it into a paper aeroplane by the next day, what can the parents do? Even with parents all working together with my ds and friends, things get missed.

If the dad is doing drop-offs, then at least he can ask the teacher/TA daily if there's any updates, and join other parents to text each other about events.

[shebird]

It's impossible to keep up with all events especially at the end of a busy term. If your brothers ex has had anything like the number of letters, texts and emails that I have had this half term she is probably struggling to keep up with it all without having to keep someone else updated too. I almost forgot to tell my DH about DDs leavers assembly this week and he lives in the same house

[longdiling]

He drops the kids off at breakfast club on his way to work so no that doesn't help keep him in the loop. The school has a website but the events are only updated sporadically, not everything is on there so it doesn't work as a reliable source of info. Yes he could indeed ring the school every single day to check if anything is coming up but that would be a bit bonkers and time consuimg for the school wouldn't it?

Please don't be rude based on your own experiences Alice and Fatman. I haven't said anything unpleasant about his ex at all and believe me he is well aware of his own responsibilities and doesn't need to 'cop on' to anything. Reserve your bitterness for your own exes, my brother has done fuck all to deserve it. I have posted in Primary Education and specifically asked about the SCHOOL's responsibility precisely because I don't think his ex has to tell him about stuff. It would be nice if she did and they had that kind of relationship but they don't.

[Imscarlet]

We aren't in the UK, but in our school, if the parents are together we ensure that both parents get a copy of everything and attend all meetings, together preferably, but seperately if required! Why not have him contact the school and specifically request that he is copied in all communications? They may not be aware that there is an issue. That might sort it all out for you. You will only have a problem if they refuse.

[Imscarlet]

Aren't together I mean! Whoops!

[longdiling]

He has contacted the school on three different occassions now and each time they apologise, check they have the right contact details and then still continue to miss him out of communications. His ex gets the letters as she's there at pick up and also - I believe - gets parent texts. Also the parent on the gate at pick up is at a distinct advantage as they hear/see what's going on around them. I'm a childminder and I often pass on info I've gleaned at pick up to help the parents I childmind for as I can imagine not being on the gate keeps you out of the loop. It's not my responsibility to do that of course but it's a shame for the kids to miss out on stuff.

Perhaps I'll suggest he just rings the school every day to (politely) check in. Maybe when they get bored of that they'll make sure he gets texts/emails.

Thanks everyone for your input.

[RiverTam]

I agree, he should bore them into ensuring that he gets this info from them.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

If he has spoken to the school and it's still not been sorted, he needs to then up the ante and put it in writing that they are not following through with their obligation to provide both parents with this information. They should easily be able to put him on the text msgs, and they should be posting or giving him a copy of the school newsletter, which often has upcoming events listed in it. If the breakfast club is through the school, he can still make arrangements to get updates.

I am not transferring my annoyance at my ex to your brother. I am pointing out that he is an adult. Does he hold down a job? If so, what would he do in a work situation where a client or co-worker was not following through on something that needed to be done? Presumably if speaking to them didn't work, he'd follow it up in writing. If that didn't work, he'd make a complaint of some sort to higher ups. This is really no different.

[longdiling]

Upping the ante only works if there isa legal obligation though. Which was my original question. No point taking it further unless you are sure you have a case. Which was why I asked. Yes he does work, he has two households to support. His relationship with the school is entirely different to the relationship he has with his clients and coworkers so I don't think that's relevant.

[JessiePinkMan]

I think it may be up to him sorry. This is unfair, I would badger badger badger the school. Where I work the ta will make sure a child of separated parents has two copies of every letter but it's not foolproof. we are moving to an parentmail system which will make things easier. We also have a website that all letters are downloadable from. How do they manage without?!?
I know it wasn't your q but I also think it's unfair of the ex, yes he's an adult etc but I would feel so guilty & bad for the kids if dad missed something I knew about & knew he had no way of knowing about (like a last minute change) just unkind.
Are there any mums/dads he could befriend? I've been saved (and done some saving) a few times by texting eachother what time was the church service or whatever.
Also: is there a class rep? Some are better than others but ours communicates really well with the teacher & sends out class emails all the time eg don't forget sun hats for tomorrow etc
If not could he volunteer to be the class rep? Then the teacher would have to speak to him regularly & all he'd have to do is send out emails?

[Heels99]

PAren

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

It IS relevant. He needs to treat it the same way. They aren't responding appropriately to discussion, so now he needs to put it in writing. Is he doing any follow up on this to find out how to deal with it? A simple email from him to the school would start the ball rolling, tbh.

[PeruvianFoodLover]

OP my ex and I have co parented for years and this has ALWAYS been an issue for us.

FirstLy, the primary school was unable to include two phone numbers for the same child on the texting service. Then, they couldn't post paper copies out to which ever parent didn't get the "book bag" copy.

We thought it might get easier at Secondary as they seemed to have facilities for accommodating coparenting, but it hasn't materialised. Letters get sent to each of us at different times, texts seem to be randomly generated to one or other of us, and they seem incapable of maintaining accurate records about DDs living/coparenting arrangements.

Sadly, it either requires the co parents to co-operate, which I appreciate is not always possible, or it needs the parent who is missing out to assertively deal with the school to change the situation. At one point, my ex actually changed DDs registered address with the LA/school, which caused all sorts of issues when it came to school applications - but, looking back, I don't blame him, it was the only way he got treated like an equal parent!

[TheUnwillingNarcheska]

I think long is just trying to help her brother. Christ this is meant to be a supportive place.

He is trying to be a good Dad and wants to turn up to events.

The question was whether school has a legal obligation to provide the information to anyone with PR. I believe the answer up thread was yes.

[lem73]

Don't want to hijack the thread but what should a school do if children do NOT want a parent to attend school events. My friend's ex walked out on her six months ago and they haven't sorted out custody arrangements yet but the kids absolutely do not want to see their dad. There have been some horrible scenes with him and they are in quite a fragile state. However the school keep telling the ex about school events so he shows up. It totally spoils it for them. I think not allowing the kids to have control over their dad showing up is adding to their stress. The teachers however keep saying stuff like 'your daddy loves you, he wants to see you' and sorting out tickets for school productions. I totally agree it would be healthier for the kids to see and communicate with their dad but surely it is not the school's job to facilitate it? Again sorry to hijack. I am interested in people's perspectives.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

I get that she is trying to help him. But he needs to help himself. He's apparently spoken to the school 3 times now, according to the OP. So now he needs to take it a step further, as I said. He needs to put it in writing. He needs to be proactive. Ring the school regularly if need be. Follow up with an email. Someone's already said if he has PR then yes the school needs to keep him informed, as long as they have the correct contact info. Then he needs to make sure they have it, and put all this in writing to the school. If he ever wants to push further and make a complaint, he needs a paper trail. But it's something he's going to have to put the effort into. The OP can't do it for him, hence why I asked if he was doing any follow up.

[AliceDoesntLiveHereAnymore]

lem if he is creating scenes at school, the school has a duty of care towards the children. I would think the mother needs to speak to a solicitor to see what legally can and can't be done, and the school needs to clarify with their legal advisors what they can do as well. I imagine initially they may have to take a hard line with the father - allowing him to come to the events, but escorting him out each and every time he creates a disruptive scene, documenting each time, and then taking it from there.

The teachers, on the other hand, should not be offering their "advice" on it to the children. That's pushy and amounts to emotional blackmail which is not good for the children.

[longdiling]

Thanks Jessie, he hasn't got to know the other parents as well as his ex due to the fact that he's the working parent. I have wondered about suggesting he sets up a Facebook group for parents at the school to share info. We have one set up by parents for our school and it's an absolute lifesaver for those of us who struggle to keep up with events or who work. People tend to post pictures of letters they receive for those who haven't got them.

Thanks Peruvian, he has two in secondary and the kids themselves have been good at passing things on to him. It's the Primary school that's been the issue and he still has a few left there so it'll be a problem for a while unless he gets it sorted in September.

And thanks so much Unwilling! I know there are some feckless Dads out there but my brother isn't one of them. He wants to be equally involved and needs to find a way to escalate this with the school but wasn't sure of his rights. He is so not the expecting to be spoonfed type. He's actually pretty bloody amazing.

[longdiling]

Lem, that sounds tough. I think she probably needs to get some proper legal advice on this one. I'm not sure how she can stop communication between the school and a parent without some kind of legal order in place?

[prh47bridge]

Can I remind you of my previous post. As he has PR the school does have a legal responsibility to keep him informed. All those saying it isn't the schools problem are wrong. Schools have been given clear guidance on this issue from the DfE.

lem73 - If your friend wants to stop the school communicating with her ex she needs to go to court and get an appropriate order in place. Unless she does the school has no choice.

[lem73]

He's too clever to create scenes at school Alice. It's been mainly when he's taken the kids on days out that it all seems to get out of control. However he's managed to persuade the head and school secretary that he's a loving dad and my friend has taken the break up badly and is poisoning the kids. I feel the school should be a safe place for the kids and the school shouldn't facilitate contact until a court order is in place.

[longdiling]

Thank you prh47 - that really is very helpful to know the school have a legal responsibility. I'll let him know when I see him tomorrow.

[Fizrim]

It could be that the school sometimes just uses paper notes in the bookbag rather than the text/email system.

[Cedar03]

If the school is not fulfilling its duty to keep both sets of parents informed then he should raise it as an issue with the governers of the school. They ought to be able to review their communication methods - he won't be the only parent at the school in this situation. He should push for them to adopt things like parentmail - at least that way they all get the email.

[Several parents were outside our school this morning sounding completely blank about a whole school activity today even though it has appeared in the newsletter, on the website and parentmail].