to defer feb birthday daughter from starting school or not (Scotland)

[foolishgoat]

Hi.

My girl turned 4 in feb so is due to start school in August. However. ... ive started to think about deferring for a year so she would be 5.5 when starts primary 1. She is small and quite shy. Im sure she would do fine but I'm just starting to think 4.5 is too young to start school.

Yes part of me is looking at it selfishly that I want another year with my baby girl also.

Ive thought about even as far on as high school and just think school was hard enough without being the youngest.

The problem is ( here is the boring bragging part) that she is very advanced for her age. She has read since 3rd birthday and can now read virtually any books even newspapers etc etc count to 1000 and loads of other stuff beyond her age average.

I spoke to the nursery they think I am crazy to think about deferral because she will be advanced as it is and another year will be ludicrous.

I just feel that if she is clever as they think then that will take care of itself. Its the non academic stuff I worry about and i still dont think a 4 year old should be going full time to school and if the option is there to wait a year I think I should take it.

Please can anyone give advice or experience of this?

I thought I had made my mind up but after the way the teachers made me think she will be so bored etc Im unsure again and don't know whats for the best.

Thanks

Jen

[BlueberryWoods]

We deferred DD (academically ready, socially/emotionally not ready) -haven't regretted it. Her school groups classes by birthdate. There was a large P1 intake that year so DD was in a composite P1/P2 class - ie, the older P1s (mostly deferred) and the younger P2s. The class was about a half and half split. So she was in the same class as many of the children she would have been with if she started the year before.
Don't stress over it.

[cloutiedumpling]

I think the percentage of children who are deferred may vary in different areas. Where we live almost every kid with a January or February birthday is deferred but it isn't the same everywhere. Maybe the HT at the local primary could give more advice.

[Kaffiene]

We referred DD so she started this Aug at 5.5. In her class there are 5 other kids i know who deferred and one who didn't so DD and her friends have all turned 6 and one wee girl just turned 5.
As a rough generalisation I would say all the deferred children just seem stronger and more able to cope with P1. It isn't just about the learning it's the being at school from 9-3. Coping with the toilets, the dinner hall and playground.
In our school parents are definately encouraged to defer and as a high school teacher I agree.

[Groovee]

I deferred Dd who is now 14 and in second year. She has really sailed through school by being the oldest and is very bright too, often highest mark out of the whole year.

She has coped with transition from primary to high school with no issues unlike her friends a year younger. Some of them have really struggled. She'll be 16 when she sits her exams and she has benefitted from the extra year of play.

[Graceparkhill]

My two are 21 and 14 now and August Sept birthdays so no direct experience but I can say that over the years everyone that I have known who deferred has never regretted the decision.

Being the oldest in the class seemed to give a built in advantage in terms of maturity and sporting ability.

The 1 person I know with. Feb birthday who sent her son aged 4.5 felt he was at a disadvantage as everyone was bigger and older.

I have also heard that English unis are reluctant to take 17 year old school leavers because legally they are considered to be minors.

[ilovepowerhoop]

just one deferred child in ds's class (he is P3) , the rest went to school after they were 4. No deferred children in dd's class (she is P6).

[Coffeethrowtrampbitch]

My dd is a 26th February birthday, she started this year at four and a half.

I think it is entirely down to the individual. You say your dd is quite shy even though she is very bright, and that would make me want to keep her at nursery for another year. My dd is bright but social and chatty, her brother is 18 months older than her and she is always playing catch up. She was very cross he went to school a year earlier than she did! Her friend is older but quite shy and she has really struggled St school, even though school are helpful and sensitive to her needs.

You know your dd best, you don't feel comfortable with her going yet, so don't send her. My ds2 is a March birthday and I think it will suit him perfectly to be 5 at school, so he won't be going early even though his big sister did, because it isn't right for him.

[foolishgoat]

Thanks for the replies.
Ive gave the form in now but feel like its a mistake the way people are going on. Everyone saying she is too clever for another year of nursery and wil be too far ahead at p1 next year etc etc. No one seems to be looking past primary 2. Surely they will all be able to read and write etc by then and it will even itself out?

Could I ask anyone who has recently had kids in p1 to p3 odd to tell me how many deferred kids were in the year and did the get on ok?

This is starting to stress me out now.

The thing is I see kids who are going this august out playing in the street themselves zooming about on bikes etc. No way would I let ours out alone yet so i want her to get another year to get more streetwise if you know what i mean.. Maybe I am being over protective and babying her I just don't know.

Help!

[Jinty64]

I doubt she will be bored in nursery for 2.5 hrs a day but it might also be worth looking at what else is available. Is she in the school nursery and if so, do they offer wrap round care. I work so used the care at ds3's nursery. He used to have a school lunch each day in the canteen. The nursery started lunch at 12:15 and the infants joined them at 12:30 so he got used to the whole "school lunch" thing whilst being supported in a small group and the nursery staff knew him so kept an eye on him at lunch time in P1. Even one or two lunches a week would be a good introduction to school (if it's available).

I also took ds1 and ds2 to a pre school music group which was really good for their confidence and socialising with different children. I also found enjoy-a-ball sessions good for their concentration and social skills but it depends what is available in your area.

I think you have made the right decision. They grow up all too quickly.

[whatsthecraic]

Remember that the trend these days seems to be very much to defer Jan and Feb birthdays, so if she does start school she may end up being the youngest by quite a bit. We deferred dd who has a late Feb birthday and she's only the 5th oldest in the class and there's a gap of well over a year between oldest and youngest.

Dd was also very much ready for school academically in that she was desperate to read etc but was quite shy, so I worried how she'd cope socially. I've never regretted deferring, it was definitely the right thing for dd from a confidence point of view. She was a bit bored by the school reading books at the beginning as she was very fast to read, probably because of being that bit older, but that's easy to make up for with home reading and it does all even out over the years.

All the advice I got at the time was that the age difference wasn't so much a problem in the primary years but that it was more of an issue in secondary, again more socially than academically, with kids being a full year younger than their peers and maybe bring pressurised into situations they aren't ready for.

[Journey]

I think people have given you good advise on this thread and just wanted to add that I wouldn't stress about it. I think the option to defer a child with a Jan/Feb birthday should be seen as a nice option to have.

As the parent you have the final say whether you defer or not. The school can advise you but ultimately it's your decision. You don't need to justify anything to the school.

I would, however, question if you're emotionally ready to have your dd at school in August though. If you're not there is no harm in this. By the sounds of things your dd would be okay if she started school this year or next. If you want more family time then embrace this and defer her for a year. The year goes very quickly.

[AndiPandi]

With decent teachers boredom should never be an issue, sorry for repeating this but it really annoys me when people assume all children at the same age have the same capabilities - they don't and any teacher worth their salt will make sure all children in the class are working / playing to their full potential & fully engaged in the activities. With my own DD I think the extra year was the start of her very promising leadership qualities & skills as she really enjoyed helping the new nursery children & showing them the ropes. A very useful life skill.

[Twighlightsparkle]

I have two children , one in p6 and one in p1, neither deferred. However I know at the time my eldest daughter started school most jan / feb birthdays deferred. When my younger daughter started most didn't. I have no idea why there's been a shift.

I think if she is academically able, deferring a year may cause problems, with boredom in the extra year of nursery and perhaps in the early years of schol

[insearchoftheFlumFlumTree]

I'm another February birthday, and was the youngest in my school year. I went to a fairly large (450 pupil) primary, so I wasn't the youngest by much - there were quite a few others with birthdays around mine, although I also had friends who were almost a year older.

It really was fine. I was, I am told, keen to learn and did quite well academically from the start. As far as I've been told I didn't really have any problems socially ( and I was a physically small and not particularly mature child). I did well in games by late primary / high school - I was always picked for the athletics and hockey teams - but it perhaps did take me a few years to realise that I was quite good at sport, as my size put me at a definite disadvantage initially.

The only time it was an issue was when I finished 6th year and went to university aged 17 - lots of clubs (including the student union) id'd on the door, and I was too young to get in! I should probably have taken a gap year at that point, but it wasn't a big deal.

If her nursery feels she is ready for school I would send her.

[foolishgoat]

Thanks everyone. Im none the wiser though as everyone seems to have the same tough decision to make. Im swaying towards defer. I just thought there....... if her birthday was 2 weeks later there would be no decision to make as automatically be aug 2015 start. She was born ten days early. So im talking 4 days in reality. I think I would rather she was a bit bored at nursery for 2.5 hours a day and has another year to be a baby without worrying about all the things that school brings.

I know some will disagree but I think a year of family time has more importance.

Now to try and get through meeting school again without changing ny mind again!!

[prettybird]

It was a looooooong time ago!

[AgentProvocateur]

Prettybird, now they give the underage freshers a different colour of wrist band to wear!! They don't get served in the union. Can you imagine? Wasn't like that in our day (I also left after S5, and wasn't 17 till the October)

[CecilyP]

I would normally recommend deferring but your DD seems to be so far ahead academically that I think she would be fine in school. Does she have any particular friends in nursery or amongst your neighbours who will be starting school this August or next August? That may be something to help make a decision one way or another.

[PiggyPlumPie]

DD1 is now 15 and has a late January birthday. She was not deferred and has flourished. She is soon to take her Nationals (all at level 5).

Maybe the headteacher would be able to give more advice on how it might affect your DD further in the school. I kept a close eye on DDs social maturity as she went through the school and all the teachers said that there were no issues.

[prettybird]

Yes - I was "old" for my year (April birthday) but went to Uni from 5th Year so was only 17.5. Even though St Andrews checked with the school that I was mature enough (and after 2 years "away" in NZ and having had to work extra heard to catch up, I was) and the Uni deferring acceptances to friends of mine pending them completing 6th year, I still struggled for the first 6 months.

Nothing to do with not being able to drink as in St Andrews, being so English, they just assumed you were 18!

[AgentProvocateur]

The difference between the youngest and oldest in a year is pronounced in secondary, when the young ones are immature. If you don't defer, and she goes to uni, she will only be 17 - fresher won't be much fun!! I don't know anyone who's regretted deferring. I know plenty who regret not deferring

[prettybird]

I know one bright kid with a late November birthday who was deferred and his mum never regretted it.

I know one bright kid with a February birthday who wasn't deferred and hi smother is never out the school and the educational psychologist is involved - but once they've started at school, it's very difficult to get them to repeat the year :(

I know another person who has a January birthday who I believe would have suffered far fewer problems throughout his school career (and after) if he had been deferred as he wasn't really mature enough for his year even though he was very bright.

Anecdotal I know.

[Kneedeepinshittynappies]

I could almost have written your op, both my dc are fen birthdays. Ds (PFB!) just turned 4 and we have decided to defer. He's a very bright boy but just not emotionally mature enough (in my opinion) to start school this year.

I've had some pressure from nursery and family members but in sticking to my guns. I am fully prepared to put the extra work in with reading, writhing, etc is he doesn't get bored. I just feel like whilst I know he'd "do fine" at school, I don't want him to just do fine I want him to enjoy and flourish.

[FannyFifer]

DD also turned 4 the beginning of Feb, she is a bright & sociable wee thing but quite small, we were always going to defer anyway as 5 is a better age for starting school.

[haggisaggis]

We didn't defer ds - January birthday and now in S3. He has been fine - academically doing well and socially too holds his own. He is a full year younger than at least 2 people in his class who were deferred - but hasn't caused him any problems. But at the end of the day it is up to you. We thought about deferring, but the HT saw ds at nursery and reckoned he was more than ready for school.