New teacher woes

[Frettingmum]

Hi there

This is probably the most shallow post I have yet to put on mumsnet. But it's my daughter fretting and therefore making me feel sad too : ((. But yes, I know it's ridiculous.

My daughter met her new teacher yesterday. There were two. She kept telling me she hoped she would get the pretty lady with the l

[zingally]

One of my Year 1 children (I teach) was fretting yesterday about meeting his new year 2 teacher - she's new to the school, I've not even met her!

I myself was new to the school this year, so my current class didn't know me when they moved up to me from Reception.

My teaching assistant wisely said to him, "Well, you didn't know Miss Zingally when you came to Year 1, but you know her now!"

You could almost see his little brain going "... that's true..."

Don't worry OP, she'll be just fine after about 3 days of term and laughing about the fuss she made!

[Ilovesunflowers]

Ouch. So teachers now have to juggle a thousand balls but also have to have time to make themselves look stunningly pretty in the mornings. Heaven forbid someone has to wear glasses too. How dare they not wear contact lenses.

[cory]

It is a scary time, but it will pass and every time she copes with something new and unfamiliar she will grow a little bit.

Peanutbutter's suggested reply sounds immaculate: first recognise her feelings, then show her how to move on.

[PeanutButterOnly]

I think you make sense. It's an emotional/transitional time for both of you. It's not that you yourself as the adult are valuing pretty over anything else or considering endorsing this judgement with regards to your DD. You're just recognizing and identifying with her developmentally appropriate emotional response to the situation. It would be ok to say something like 'I can see that you feel sad about this as you liked lady A' and then talk her through it?

[frettingmum]

Thanks for the kind feedback. And the not so kind. Yes, after some sleep it does all sound pretty pathetic. So all feedback accepted courteously. I guess I'm just panicking at the thought of her starting reception. Everytime I have left her for just an hour for a club she has fretted and hates me leaving her. I am dreading how she will be. So I guess I just wanted the move to school to be as easy and nice for her. And if she saw a lady she took a shine to, yes, of course I thought that could work out great. Not because someone is pretty, has long blonde hair, etc etc. but simply because I thought it might make the transition easier if she got the lady she took a shine to. Is that so crazy? Does that sounds so ridiculous. Perhaps it does. Seems to make sense to me ; ))))

[cory]

I remember how just before I started reception my db who was a little older than me went on and on about how terrible my reception teacher was and how she had a reputation for being a dragon. She was the best teacher I've ever had.

[BaconAndAvocado]

OP take no notice of all the negative feedback to your post.

You were having a wobbly moment, putting yourself in your DDs shoes. Every Mum, even on MN has done the same.

Reading this post with interest as my reception aged DD found out that her Teacher in Year 1 will be someone who has a reputation for being quite abrupt with the parents, but she must have a completely different manner with the wee ones as DD is over the moon!

Don't worry, a week into September and your DD will think her new teacher is the bees knees

[cory]

frettingmum Wed 03-Jul-13 19:46:09

"I probably need a plastic bag over my head most days and would have no room to talk. But.....perhaps I need to realise that it is just me that wants what my daughter wants (within reason). I just feel sad when she feels sad - whether it is because she wants the other teacher, grazes her knee or has lost her toy. "

Remember you will love your dd just as much when she is 12 and 16 and 24. And her ability to cope with life then will depend on the values you teach her now.

That can't be done by appropriating a 4 yo's perspective: you have got to be the adult she needs to become one day, otherwise you can't teach her the skills she gradually needs to learn. If she stays at a 4yo's level, life will be very, very difficult for her when she is older and people expect more of her.

Your job is to model a positive attitude towards the new teacher, an attitude of brisk courage regarding the grazed knee, and an attitude of problem solving regarding the lost toy.

[PastSellByDate]

Hi FrettingMum -

putting aside whether your OP was from your DD's perspective or not my advice is you and DD should go away and think about/ discuss:

NEVER JUDGE A BOOK BY ITS COVER

It applies to people I find.

I think Robert Winston demonstrated this associating looks with being nice & desiring to be their friend in his Child of Our Times programme for early years and found that children almost always thought the pretty girl or cute boy was nice.

[MidniteScribbler]

Oh FFS! Quite simply the most ridiculous thing I have ever read on this forum (and that's saying something!!).

[BabiesAreLikeBuses]

bequicksie love it! The mug proof def makes it official.

[Startail]

I think little girls associate prettiness with being young and approachable. Not like mummy who tells you off.

DD2 particularly did as the staff at her nursery happened all to be fairly young and very very nice. One of the baby sat for us too.

Now at senior school, she's learning it's not that simple. Their older and pretty stern looking English teacher is lovely. Absolutely no nonsense, but great.

[clam]

If my dd "felt sad" because her teacher wasn't pretty enough (which is the bottom line here), I sure as hell wouldn't be "feeling sad too." I'd be feeling pretty embarrassed at my parenting skills, to be honest.

[AlienAttack]

So your original post was written from a child's perspective? Re-read and still not seeing that. Anyway, you now say, ha ha. i say you may like to help your child start to understand that people come in all shapes, sizes and appearances. Sorry if I'm having a sense of humour failure on this one but honestly if women can't teach their daughters about how not to judge on appearances then what hope do we have?

[Hullygully]

bwah hahahahahahahahaha

good one

[frettingmum]

Ha ha. This is totally the response I expected and deserve and probably wanted. I probably wanted to provoke ridicule to catch myself on.

Yes, you're right. Forget my daughter's feelings here. Of course I want her to be happy and I know she does attach herself more to people who remind her of her cousin who babysits. Please note that this has nothing to do with my thoughts and opinions. Tbh gut instincts tell me that her teacher is the best match. And thanks for making me smile at the thought of asking for the pretty teacher. Yes, that would be absurd as, again, this is talking from my daughter's eyes.

I probably need a plastic bag over my head most days and would have no room to talk. But.....perhaps I need to realise that it is just me that wants what my daughter wants (within reason). I just feel sad when she feels sad - whether it is because she wants the other teacher, grazes her knee or has lost her toy.

Again, this is a post written from a child's perspective. But you've given me the shake I wanted and would probably have given another mumsnetter : )))

Have a great evening.

[LaurieFairyCake]

The root of the problem is that you're over identifying with your daughter - this is very common.

You need to learn to detach and separate her from you emotionally - her hurt is NOT yours

I see a lot of parents who just don't get that and continue to over identify into their child's adulthood.

It's a good lesson for you to learn early

[AlienAttack]

Humour me here, what's the "niggling feeling at the back of your mind"? Is it that you too wish your dd had the pretty teacher who doesn't have to wear glasses? Or is the niggling feeling that you might actually ask the school whether your precious child could be moved from the class with the ugly, glasses-wearing teacher? Seriously, think about what you have posted and what you were trying to achieve. You win my prize for the most shallow, precious, insulting and absurd thread I've read on MN.

[indyandlara]

Oh for goodness sake. Are we only good teachers now if we are pretty? What nonsense.

[3boys3dogshelp]

My sil is a primary teacher, she is stunning and a very nice person. She is also the scary teacher who the naughty children are threatened with at her school!! Perhaps get her or you some sunglasses to wear over the summer so she gets used to the idea?

[Feenie]

Never said this before on MN - Get A Grip, fgs woman.

[BeQuicksieorBeDead]

I am a reception teacher and absolute minger. Nicest teacher in the world though, I have got a badge and a mug to prove it.

[VodkaRevelation]

It doesn't matter what your daughter's teacher looks like. You need to make sure your daughter understands that and she will be less worried about starting school. Talk to her about all the things she did like about her new school and be positive about her teacher too.

[Startail]

We have a very pretty KS1 teacher, DH rather fancies her. The DCs say she's very strict and the only one who shouts.

(