Very tired child in reception

[Morebiscuitsplease]

DD2 has recently gone full time and is hanging. We have lots of tears and tantrums which is not typical. Last week she didn't even want to go to school. I of course jollied her along. While she appears to be coping well at school I feel that an afternoon at home mid week might help her catch her breath as such. I requested this at school as i thought there was a bit of flexibilty in Reception, she does not legally need to be in school until the summer term. Here class teacher has to run it pass the head who has refused to authorise her absence. She was very unsympathetic. Her comments I found very unhelpful, well all children are the same they are all tired..no not all children are the same. Also i do not feel it is in my daughter's interest to be so tired that her behaviour at home is suffering. This cannot be good for her.

[stopthinkingsomuch]

I feel for you. My DD wasn't in the british system but would get very tired. She could not cope with full days at all no matter how early she went to bed. I have a feeling my son is heading the same way but he will crash out on the way home and I can wake him after 20 mins (means later to bed but he doesn't cry / tantrum from 3pm until 7).

The school she was at allowed her to shortened her day for the first little while and this stopped all the after school tiredness. I would pick her up at 2pm. It was enough to get her through to bedtime and she was able to walk to the car without crying or becoming emotional. We did this at the start of each academic year (Kindy and Preprimary), this was after a few weeks of realising our home life was being torn apart by it all and I wasn't willing to let that happen. Some children are just like that and for friends and other parents out there that have never seen my child or others after school they just don't get it!

I'm thankful that we were supported (and allowed to take her home early) and school recognised the distress we were experiencing. (I did also pull a few sick days for my other child (who could generally cope) when he was getting run down. Most reasonable teachers do understand. I would just say he wasn't feeling 100% but we'd still do a little work at home)

(Another tip is to meet your child from school with a snack, if they are tired I find it might give me an extra 20 mins to settle them down when they get back home)

Best of luck and know you are not alone.

[Moominmammacat]

My prem. DS used to go to bed at 4'30 in reception ... and sleep 'til 7 the next morning. Just keep her off when you fancy.

[Morebiscuitsplease]

Thanks for your comments it really has helped. Just to update, head has refused to authorise absence and have felt under pressure not to take her out today but have stuck to my guns. Spoke to EWO who has susggested that we have meeting in school to see how we can support my child. As school had not yet suggested anything else feel reassured that he will be a the meeting. Speaking to deputy they are clearly concerned about setting a precedent and what is sad is no one has suggested how we can help my child. :(

[midseasonsale]

ps. I had to do this with my eldest boy and he hasn't suffered one bit academically or socially. In fact he was so much happier in reception because he had a recovery day off each week.

[midseasonsale]

My chap goes to bed at 6 and is still teary with exhaustion. He is very small and only 4.3. I am fully aware that the he doesn't legally have to be in school yet and so have kept him off a day or two already and have told them honestly he is too exhausted. I know for a fact that our area ESW (educations social worker) won't be interested in the absences one jot. The head on the other hand only cares for his good attendance statistics while the secretary thinks the kids should just put up and get used to it. I must say that the well being of my child is far more important then the heads good statistics. I vote for putting your childs needs first too.

[piprabbit]

I'd try bring bedtime forward by an hour. That way it stays within your control and you can gradually move it back if you feel she is coping better.

Surely that would be easier than trying to convince the school to let your DD be a 'special' case?

[ImperialStateKnickers]

Hi Morebiscuitsplease

I know you don't want to be teaching your dd that it's acceptable to 'pull a sickie', but that will be the instant solution. Negotiating with the Head and the LEA will take time, and it's a problem now. By next term, she may well be up for five full days.

[Melmagpie]

my dd was like this. in retrospect i wish i'd asked if she could go part time/come home early some days. like your dd mine is a summer baby so only just four when she started. much too young!
She's totally fine in year 1 but I do regret now not doing more to relieve her suffering last year! As others say I'd just do a lot of sickies - they can't do anyting about it and as they are refusing to be helpful I'd see that as preferable to causing a big stink with the governors.
Good luck.

[damnitdamnit]

Dd was/is like that too. I brought bed time forward to 6.30 (sometimes earlier), gave her 1/2 hour telly time when she came in from school and other less active things to do. She still does this in year 1 but its not as bad now.

I have read more about flexi schooling recently though and wish I had found out more as may have tried this last year.

[expansivegirth]

before your child is five her absence will make absolutely no difference to the school absence statistics. you can't be fined by the LEA either. why make a kid 'cope' when her life could just be made pleasanter/easier? if the school is going to be arsey about it, then just take days off when necessary. even if that means once a week....

[Beamur]

My DD was not full time in Reception until after she turned 5.
This first term is really hard on the kids - it will get much easier after the Christmas hols, although if they are tired now, the run up to the end of term will have you all on your knees!
If school won't authorise a regular afternoon off, use your own judgement and simply keep them off for a day and ring in and tell the school that your child is unwell.

[hellymelly]

Same problem with my dd last year. She is coping better this year. Head refused part time, so I kept her at home when she was genuinely too tired to cope. She was having a lot of night terrors and soldiering on made them worse, she was permanently overtired. Having a day off to recover from a broken night made a difference, lots of parents do the same ime, if your child is not in a fit state to cope they need a day at home.

[DewDr0p]

Ds1 was v similar but suddenly halfway through this Christmas half term he suddenly was OK again. Hang on in there! I brought bedtime forward, kept things quiet after school and went for low key weekends where possible too.

[Morebiscuitsplease]

Tigger you got it one. She is normally so reasonable but is now quite unreasonable. Poor thing.

[Tgger]

DD always falls over when she is tired, it's a tell tale sign. Her knees are covered in bruises! And then the attitude...they go from sensible/lovely 4 year old to more like a 2 year old (well DD does!).

[Morebiscuitsplease]

Chunkamatic..with you all the way..can't see how this can be good for them. :((

[Chunkamatic]

My DS is similar, he's always suffered with tiredness and would sometimes still have a nap before starting reception (he's 4.8).
The teachers all seem to think it is no problem that half the kids are falling asleep in the afternoons by the end of the week, I don't see it as a healthy sign.
What's worse is that afternoons and even weekends feel like they are overshadowed by his tiredness right now, so the little time we do have is marred by the fact I'm worried he'll be too tired at school.
I know he will get used to it but it does feel counter-intuitive to me, too.

[beakysmum]

I had exactly the same problem with my DD (second child) last year. First child had been fine, so just shows how different each child can be.

I was incredibly lucky that my school agreed to "flexi schooling" her for a couple of terms. Basically I agreed to do some worksheets with her that her class would be doing on her day off and the school marked the register as "being educated elsewhere" or similar, which I think is usually used if the child is off site on a class trip. Anyway, it was brilliant, really helped and took the pressure off me and DD too. She became much calmer and happier all round, I hadn't realised how much it got her down too.

I did it on a Weds as I didn't work that day and it broke the week up for DD

Unfortunately I think the openess to flexi sschooling varies a lot from education authority to authority (higher level than head teacher).

[Morebiscuitsplease]

Tgger totally..it was grim. Day started badly as went flying 2 mins out of door to school ..hysterics... Melt down before tea and mum had run in with the head.

[Tgger]

This time of year is worst for everyone. I'd quite like to hide in my duvet, wouldn't you .

[cakesaregood]

It does get better! Hang on in there!

We normally have complete meltdown by week 3. This year it was week 6 (Year 3)!

Keep smiling, and feel reassured that if school want her in all the time, she is obviously behaving beautifully there. And saving the special treatment for her loving mummy !!

[Tgger]

I would keep her off. My DD is nursery, but turning 4 soon. She does 3 full days in nursery (at the school). By Wednesday she is knackered and luckily we have a day at home then. So, although it's not protocol I would just take the odd day off to suit you mid week. I think Heads forget how little Reception children are sometimes, they just get bundled in with everyone else. 4 is very different from 5 which is very different from 6 IMO.

[simpson]

When DS was in reception there were some nights he was in bed by 6.15.

It took him about a term to adjust....

[JiltedJohnsJulie]

It is unfortunate that you feel like this. I would have a quiet hour after school, maybe stories or an audio book, colouring, something like that.

Give her dinner and then start her bedtime half an hour earlier so that bedtime becomes 6.30 for a while instead of 7.

One of my friends ended up doing bed at 6pm until Christmas in reception as her little girl was just too tired if bedtime was any later.

[crazygracieuk]

Go for Monday, Thursday or any day that you think she needs it.