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Preteens

Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.

11 year old boy in relationship, would you tell his parents

13 replies

ChimChimeny · 12/02/2024 15:32

DD's friend told them recently he's gay,they are year 7, he's Aug baby so still on 11.5 but has recently got a boyfriend. Until today this involved holding hands at.school and walking around together. Today DD has come home saying the boyfriend took him away on his own and tried to have sex with him.
They did sex ed at primary school so she knows what it is but I'm not sure what the boy actually tried to do (this was at school as well so I doubt they could actually have sex anyway.
The friend hasn't told his parents he's gay so definitely won't tell them about what happened today, and I feel really uncomfortable knowing it when his parents dont. I don't want to break DD's confidence but if she was on a relationship at this age I'd want to know. The boyfriend has already caused some issues in the friendship group which the mum is aware of but not that he's a boyfriend. I also think the mums of the others in the friendship group know he's gay/got a boyfriend but not his mum which seems strange.
I know the mum but as they are at senior school obviously don't see her anymore so I'd have to call her.
Help please

OP posts:
BigDogEnergy · 12/02/2024 15:33

Speak to the designated safeguarding lead at the school.

notknowledgeable · 12/02/2024 15:33

speak to the school

TraitorsGate · 12/02/2024 15:35

Contact the school safeguarding lead

BobbyGentry · 12/02/2024 15:35

Tell the safeguarding officer at school. Try and write down everything daughter said and time/date notes. Keep brief if necessary. Pass to the safeguarding officer but do not expect a response or update.

LolaSmiles · 12/02/2024 15:39

Call school and speak to the safeguarding lead. Explain factually and neutrally what your daughter has told you.

It's good you have a relationship with your daughter where she realises what she's heard might be a concern and she's felt comfortable to speak to you about it.

ChimChimeny · 12/02/2024 15:47

Do you know what, it didn't even occur to.me to contact school, despite being on here for years when it is recommended.
Thank you all for your replies.
I asked DD if she thought her friend would be annoyed if someone told his mum and she did but she's also worried he's in a bad relationship so understands why I need to tell someone.
@LolaSmiles she's still at that young/open stage, I'm sure it'll change but for now I'm glad she tells me stuff

OP posts:
ijustwantwavyhair · 12/02/2024 15:54

You must contact the safeguarding lead immediately.

If it is half term where you are, email the principal and ask her to phone you as you need to pass on an urgent, sensitive piece of information relating to child protection.

ijustwantwavyhair · 12/02/2024 15:55

I wouldn't call the parents personally, I'd want to know it was being handled by professionals who know how to deal with this properly.

ChimChimeny · 12/02/2024 15:58

@ijustwantwavyhair it's half term next week luckily.

I've filled in the safe guarding reporting from online because the office is shut.

OP posts:
TraitorsGate · 12/02/2024 16:54

ChimChimeny · 12/02/2024 15:58

@ijustwantwavyhair it's half term next week luckily.

I've filled in the safe guarding reporting from online because the office is shut.

That's great but follow it up tomorrow by phone too

oneinamillieon · 21/03/2024 16:26

how did things go?

Hye000 · 23/03/2024 09:44

Any update??

ChimChimeny · 24/03/2024 14:13

Not much to update, DD's friend broke up with the boyfriend and it seems like he's gone away luckily. there was talk.of him sending lots of messages but it's died.down now

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