11 Year old, finding new friends and new hobbies

[itwasntmetho]

Does anyone have any ideas how I can help my Son who is feeling socially isolated.
He is lonely for friendships. He started secondary school in September he has struggled socially since year 5.
He did have an okay year last year but he's prone to internalising mean comments and he finds that his secondary friends don't do much after school, last year he was playing in the park after school most nights after the juniors, but now everyone gets the bus home and socialising is not much more than watsapp pictures being exchanged.
He has nothing that he really loves in the way of sports and hobbies but he is outgoing as in he loves playing with other kids, mucking around making up their own games. My son hates competitive things and doesn't like many sports although he is active, will run around play in the park, climb ride bike etc.
Do kids his age do anything not so structured anymore? It's upsetting to see him so upset, I know what he needs, he needs a couple of nice friends that he can knock for but that's not a thing now.

[MavisTheMonkey]

My DS is similar age and most of his socialising is (unfortunately) through online gaming; this does seem to be the main route for boys to talk and spend time together these days outside of sports. They play Roblox, FIFA and Fortnite.
He does play football and rugby as well but there is no playing out in our area at all. I know the instinct is to discourage gaming but it might be worth considering if he is struggling.
Re sports martial arts is a great non-competitive activity that builds confidence and can provide friendship opportunities so perhaps this could be an option.

[ReadyForPumpkins]

It’s online gaming or structured clubs I’m afraid. I agree that most sports get quite competitive but it can be a team sports. I take it he doesn’t play in a football club? Does his school have after school clubs? They are mostly sports and music at DC school but he might be open to some of the other sports?

[itwasntmetho]

He does do online gaming, I'm not against it but I know he'd rather be out.
Thanks for the suggestions, I've just made a profile on a childcare site looking for a childminder who has upper juniors/ lower secondary maybe that would be a small play club without the structured activity.
Thanks for the suggestions but he really dislikes sports, he used to love rugby when it was the training but then they moved on to playing a game every week and he hated it, he's never liked football. He lacks confidence and never liked anything like that when he was younger each time we tried something like that, he still doesn't but starting now would be worse because the kids who started younger would be great at it by now.
It's very hard to boost his confidence, he was a different child last year when there was a park set for him to hang out with.

[CardamomBuns]

What about scouts? Different activities every week, perhaps a sleepaway camp, new group of friends to see regularly could be just the thing.

[Crazycrazylady]

Scouts might actually be Perfext for an outdoorsy child who doesn't enjoy structured sport.
Waiting lists are normally horrendous here when they're younger but get a bit better in the older years as other activities clash so you might be lucky

[LaPalmaLlama]

My son really enjoys bouldering ( basically unroped indoor climbing). I signed him up for a beginners course just for something to do in winter and it went from there. You don’t have to enter competitions and when you’re training it’s mainly cooperative- ie supporting other climbers on a specific route. It’s quite a chilled community and the skills do translate to sports climbing ( ropes climbing) if you want to start doing that.

[GiantPigeon]

Have you considered booking lessons at places like these: Indoor rock climbing, indoor bouldering, learning to fish at a trout fishery, Indoor skate park to try lessons bmx/scooter/skateboard. What about a coding club or sailing club.

Could he ask his friends on gaming to join lessons/make arrangements, could he make arrangements at nearest lazer tag one evening and grab a pizza/burger, also what about an escape room trip out with friends.

Also a cadets club:
Air cadets
Firefighting cadets
Navy/sea cadets

What about tennis club or athletics club as they're non contact.

All these things are within 1 hours drive for me and we live rural so don't have people to knock for. I have to be taxi service to activities like these to facilitate social life.

Alsi can he invite friends round for gaming after an activity or outing possibly give his room a makeover with a gaming setup for when friends come round, we got a 2nd TV from Facebook £25 and 2nd console £50. Search "dual gaming setup", "dual TV setup" for ideas together. This means kids can spread out playing fortnite/minecraft/roblox (you'd need to setup additional profile on extra console for them to game together, I just did it under my details/email) and I just hand in pizza and snacks and leave them to it for a couple of hours. If a friend started an evening club with him then he could bring friend home after school for gaming/pizza and then you could offer taxi service for them for club. You could pickup an extra bike to have handy in case him and friend wanted to go for a cycle in nice weather as alternative to gaming. There's 3 bike charities/non-profit within an hours drive from me with bikes for sale £30+. Lookup details of local cycle routes/off road together for ideas he could pass on to friends.

Hope those ideas help, best of luck.

[GiantPigeon]

Me again - Also not sure if your near a lake/loch/river and I did mention sailing club but what about a canoe/kayak club too.

You say he doesn't like clubs etc in the past, we have always said if we try something you must try it 3 times and then we can discuss quitting.

This approach has worked well for us, for instance at cubs couple of years back after first 2 nights dc didn't enjoy it at all, on 3rd night of trying it they hit it off with another new child who turned up on that night. And after a few months I asked for that parents number and have been taxi service for many outings followed with many gaming/pizza at home. But if they didn't try that 3rd time, or I let them quite 1st/2nd night then the new friend wouldn't have been made and they would have quit cubs too.

I have let them quit other clubs after 3 times so I'm not super forceful parent, we've dabbled in lots of activities over the years.

You say starting clubs now would be worse as younger kids be better than him. Some clubs kids have to be 1st year in high school to start, I know air cadets you need to be 1st year at high school to join so maybe find a club with a high starting age. The nearest athletics club to me you have to be 10 to join too.

Bouldering/skateparks are very unstructured too. :)

[stayathomer]

I was thinking scouts straight away too. Also look out for the more unusual clubs about if you can find them, chess, handball, badminton.