Disclaimer: I had difficult time growing up. Alcoholic mother and very aggressive and unkind father. Didn't get a lot of advice from then on friendships and didn't have a lot of friends until I was about 15. Even then I struggled a lot with feeling left out or excluded occasionally and worried a lot about that. As well as that I have memories of very high maintenance friends who I always worried we're mad at me.
My daughter will be 12 soon. I've always worried about her friendships. It's never seemed to come naturally to her. She can be quite inflexible when doesn't get own way but also is very sweet and loyal. In primary school towards end of year 5 she ended up in a group that worked reasonable well. Lots of parties and sleepovers and when she got a phone, lots of WhatsApp groups. Roll to the end of year 7 of high school. The group has disbanded. Pretty severe fall out but one of the girls was very unkind so she was glad. The rest of the girls seem to have solidified friendships with new girls they've met and have seen them out of school etc. my daughter remains friends with 2 primary school girls and sees them out of school but often arranged via parents. She has met new friends but not to see out of school. It hasn't happened yet. She walks to school with people and also has people to eat lunch with and seems quite happy. She's definitely between friendship groups though and doesn't have one that she is part of. Just on the fringe. She's always noticed that people didn't send messages to just her on WhatsApp and wondered why, but now she's very upset as no one is messaging her phone ever at all, as she isn't in any active WhatsApp groups. She won't hear from anyone for weeks on her phone which is according to her not normal. She's never been a great responder and doesn't like sending videos to people which seems to be what lots bond over. She also doesn't have tik tok and is baffled by all that. As summer approaches I'm worried she will hear from no one for 6 weeks. I'm confused as she's a lovely, creative, bubbly and interesting little girl and not mean at all. Unsure why no one seems to want to do anything with her or message her when she comes home from school every day happily telling me all the chat and plans. I just reassure her that this will sort itself out and remind her that she does have friends. But I feel so awful that she's not making the cut to get invited to places etc. anyone got any experience of this?
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Worried about daughters friendships
albairlanda · 07/07/2023 23:41
rolalinda2005 · 08/04/2024 00:18
@Raisinsandweetabix things were a bit better for my daughter from around May last year through to summer holidays but it's all gradually fallen apart again. She doesn't have a group, tags onto tables at lunchtime but people don't really talk to her much she says. Never any messages on her phone. Says everyone is in a group or a duo but her. Sad for her, but unsure how it can fix really, other than be endured. She hates going to school as has no one at lunchtime or break to talk to and in most classes is one without a partner. She does very well academically at least, and gets pride from that. She's baffled really by the posing and the make up etc. the things she finds interesting and exciting are not what other girls do. There's one girl in particular from primary who seems to make her feel especially crap and is always in competition with her for friendships, and always wins. She's had bad luck in her classes as hasn't met anyone kind and is getting quite badly made fun of in some. Think it could've been different had she had different classes. I do worry about a lonely summer for her.
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