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Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.


Walk away or lose my mind ...

5 replies

Bence69 · 02/09/2020 11:23

My 11 year old daughter hates every bone in my body I’m sure. I spent 9 hours out shopping with her yesterday for school uniform & her first bra. I’ve told her to wear it today to see how it feels for school starting tomorrow & it’s like I’ve asked her to wear a straight jacket. Told me I do nothing for her apart from moan & annoy her. I lost my shit & through tears told her to go ask her dad to sort it all out then. I feel like she’s always hated me & since going through a messy divorce the hatred has gone through the roof. Just wanted to rant sorry x

OP posts:
SLC352 · 05/09/2020 22:24

This sounds really difficult sorry to hear this. Do you think it might be helpful to try and have a conversation with her about how she's feeling, and how to help her cope with that? I imagine she's potentially feeling all sorts of anxiety and frustration and takes it out on you because you're who she feels safest with x

Bence69 · 06/09/2020 06:49

I think you are right. She struggles to talk about lots of things & just expresses herself with screaming & shouting xx

OP posts:
Andi2020 · 07/09/2020 21:06

Kids that age really get embarrassed about bras. Just leave her and she will wear it when she is ready. They know it all from 11 to 15. Once she is at school and everyone else wearing them she will.
I have 2,teens hate wearing them and only do if they are leaving the house.
Does she have a school jumper that can hide her If she didn't wear one.
I tell mine if they don't wear one there boobs will fall downGrin

Elisabella01 · 26/10/2020 11:30

My mum and Dad had a terrible divorce. I lived with my mum afterwards and my dad started to fade in to the background. I was so hurt by this and I definitely took it out in my mum. We all resented my dad but how dare she say it out loud! Couple that with body changes and surviving high school with bitchy girls... me and my mum fought like cat and dog and I totally rebelled at 16.
Now I am 30 and she’s my best friend. I was a moody, shouty, nasty teenager at times. I see everything my mum did for me and she’s honestly my hero but I never saw it back then.
Thinking back, I think if my mum had been a calmer person (her and I are both shouters!) and had been more relaxed and welcomed me to talk to her about everything (boys, my dad, my friends etc) without judging or telling me off, we would have had a better relationship and I think I would have changed some of my attitudes. Hindsight is a wonderful thing. She did her absolute best by us but I never saw it before.
It’s hard for girls. Maybe have a regular pamper night for the two of you. Create a safe and open space and know that when she is screaming and shouting, she probably needs a calm cuddle from her mum.

You’re doing a grand job. 😁

LindaEllen · 26/10/2020 12:14

I remember getting grumpy at my mum about my first bra, too, but it's because I was embarrassed. We had a good relationship but there was always awkwardness discussing things like boobs, periods and sex - and that's not got any better as I got older.

Your DD will get to a point where it's uncomfortable not to wear a bra, as she'll need the support - and she will come to that conclusion on her own. You can't 'make' her wear anything.

Although, before I had a proper bra, I used to wear like crop tops, as like a half-way thing. Perhaps she would be more open to those for a little while? 11 is quite young, I suppose.

Also I've no idea how you managed to spend 9 hours shopping, but I'm not surprised you're on your last nerve after that amount of time.

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