Tricky tween hides my phone when I confiscate hers please help

[melmorg1]

My 11 year old daughter is failing at the moment in many levels eg self care, bedroom tidiness, getting up in the morning, planing her homework etc etc. I believe that her access to her mobile phone isn’t helping as she’s too engrossed. So I attempted to bring in a screen time limit on the iPhone. I think she has somehow managed to hack it so that TikTok YouTube etc are always available. So instead I attempted this weekend to bring in a physical restriction instead so that she hands me the phone and I return it to her each day when I’m happy she has everything in order. Seemed reasonable to me. She refused. And when I took it off her she just took mine and switched it off and hid it. And has since refused to give it back laying all kinds of sass on me. How can I handle this please? It’s causing so many arguments.

[Clangus00]

@Raspberrytruffle if the OP is in Scotland, that’s illegal. I would do it too though

[Fournearlyfive]

Glad you have your phone back OP. Don't worry that you have been soft she'll just be flexing her muscles. Just make sure you are firm and don't give her the phone back and come down hard on any more displays of disrespect.

I remember being 11 (and still now apologise to my mum). I had gone through puberty already and was at high school and thought I was grown. They are still children but are trying so hard to act older and hormones don't help matters. It's a tricky age.

[Raspberrytruffle]

How about a good old fashioned smack on the arse? Theres more kids growing up than ever fearless towards adults with absolutely no respect for anyone they then grow up to be trouble making adults, I'm not talking hurting or beating I'm saying a tap on her bum enough to give the little madam the shock she needs. Shes the same age as my dd and I'm shocked at your dd attitude it's quite scary, can you imagine what she will be like when shes sn adult

[BuildBuildings]

Yeah she isnt mature enough for a phone!

[Girliefriendlikescake]

She's 11 and clearly not mature enough for a phone.

A challenge is one word for her...

[melmorg1]

Thank you everyone. I totally agree. I must have been so soft with her to date for her to think she can treat me like this. Thing is she’s bigger and stronger than me now and she knows it. I got my phone back off her the following day after big arguments. I’ve since removed hers again and she hasn’t taken mine this time. She’s a real challenge.

[Wildorchidz]

@everytimerickysayscuntIlaugh

I did.

[peachypetite]

Agree that if you don’t make a stand now and make her realise you’re the adult and she’s the child you are going to have her walking all over you during her teens. She’s 11, absolutely doesn’t need a smartphone. The way she’s behaving is only proving that she’s not ready for one.

[Fournearlyfive]

Do you not think it’s interesting that the op posts a single post and doesn’t respond at all??

She posted late at night and shes had 2-4 days of battles with an 11 going on 15 year old. Don't know about you but I would be shattered.

[everytimerickysayscuntIlaugh]

So report the thread then.

[pallisers]

You need to win this battle and put her back in her box sharpish or you will be fucked for the next decade.

I have to say I agree with this.

I am the one who posts on MN that we didn't do time out or naughty step or smacking or anything. No punishments of any kind really. BUT if my child had taken and hidden my phone I'd have gone ballistic. She needs to be scared of you (and I don't say that lightly). She needs to be utterly terrified of what she has unleashed by doing this awful thing. She doesn't need you sitting with her talking calmly - that just reinforces that it is ok to steal your phone and hide it. She needs to see you going off your head about this and taking every damn thing out of her room until she caves.

Otherwise you will be on the back foot for the next 10 years and it won't be pretty - and she will not do well.

[Iflyaway]

This can’t be for real.

Why not? Just because it didn't take place in your life?

[BlueBirdGreenFence]

You need to win this battle and put her back in her box sharpish or you will be fucked for the next decade.

[WaxOnFeckOff]

Room emptied of everything except her bed, school uniform and school books, then take the door off. She gets the door back when she returns the phone and apologises. She can earn back the rest of her possessions bjt by bit.

[PixieDustt]

What the!
She wouldn't have a phone if she behaved like this if I were in your shoes!
I'd never dream of hiding anything from my mum at that age. She's crossing serious boundaries here

[LaurieFairyCake]

Just search the house when she's at school - get your phone back, never let it out your sight again, tuck it in bra

And then don't give her phone back, control wi fi with a password etc

You're the parent

[Breathlessness]

I would go nuclear at that level of disrespect from an 11 year old.

[SunshineAngel]

Sorry but no child of mine would be doing that to me. At 11 years old she should do as she's told, and understand that mobiles/tech are a privilege, NOT a right.

I think you're right to limit phone use, and to confiscate when she isn't doing what she's supposed to. If she takes your phone, you take something else, or keep hers for longer. If she ever wants it back, she will learn to just go along with it.

[Djimino]

I'd remove her phone and give her a basic one with no internet. What punishments do you usually give if one of your kids is really naughty? Hiding your phone is really bad.

[Ylvamoon]

You need to be firm with her and have a chat about her responsibilities. Including respecting your things.
I always explain to my DC that there are things that I tell them to do - no matter what, they have to be done! In return, DC can tell me things I should do (like taking them to activities, providing gadgets, helping with homework, ... ) And like me, they can expect them to be done.

[ineedaholidaynow]

So is she taking the phone to school with her?

[Itsrebekahvardysaccount]

WiFi off until you get your phone back!

I was considering getting my kids tablets of some sort for Christmas even though they aren’t asking yet but this thread has made me reconsider big style!

Terrifies me how phones and technology can change kids. All these jokes on Facebook over the past couple of days from people who’ve actually got to spend time with their kids because Fortnite was off ... just shocking.