I'm at my wit's end with DS, who's coming up nine-and-a-half. He has started puberty early. We saw a paediatrician a few times about it when he was eight, and she's satisfied he's not developing early enough to need medical intervention ('precocious' puberty). But he is developing early nonetheless – he's a head height taller than his friends, his testicles have grown bigger and 'dropped', he has more pubes than he can count and his legs are becoming bristly.
We can deal with the physical symptoms so far. But it's the emotional/attitude rollercoaster that's wearing us out and causing daily conflict on a scale I'm finding exhausting and bewildering, and which is ultimately chipping away at how he feels about himself.
DS says that he feels 'on edge' a lot of the time. He says he either feels really happy, or utterly fuming, or that he just doesn't feel himself. A lot of his interactions with me are now laden with attitude – sarcasm, rudeness, smart-arse remarks, disrespect, no manners. He's moody as hell and losing his cool over things daily – stomping about, slamming doors, kicking stuff (he nearly took a door off its hinges earlier because he kicked a football so hard at it). It's making me, DP and his step-brothers feel like we're walking on egg shells, which is unhealthy for all concerned and can't carry on.
DS keeps saying he doesn't mean to be behaving like this, and once he's calmed down, he feels ashamed and then becomes consumed with self-loathing and says he hates himself, that he's an awful person, which worries me; I don't want his self-esteem to suffer through this.
But I do lose my cool with him when he's so rude and physical; it's like a red rag to a bull, the sheer disrespect of it, and I end up letting rip at him more than I'd like - which can't be making him feel great, and neither is it setting him much of an example.
I don't know how to find the balance between being understanding about the hormonal upheaval he's experiencing and showing compassion – and with putting my foot down hard when it comes to his behaviour and how he's taking his moods and frustrations out on the rest of us/the house.
I need strategies for handling DS's behaviour myself - and for teaching DS to handle his own temper - as well as advice on how to keep his self-esteem intact at a time when I'm having to get pretty tough with him. Even though I tell him I love him every day and that he's a great kid (fundamentally, he is), I worry that more of my interactions with him are negative than positive of late.
Any ideas? Does anyone know of a support network for kids going through early puberty and their families? That would be great. And any strategies we can give DS for handling his temper? (And me for mine?!) I think it could be really helpful for DS to speak to an older child who's been through this and come out the other side unscathed and can empathise.
Thanks very much for any advice.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Parenting a preteen can be a minefield. Find support here.
Preteens
Early puberty - help, please, with emotional rollercoaster, behaviour and self-esteem
2 replies
DSgrowinguptoofast · 05/11/2013 23:25
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.