8yr old DD Will not get dressed in under an hour, wont brush her teeth or wash

[monkeysnbears]

I need some help. As in desperately need some help. My Darling Daughter who turned 9 in April has decided that she does not need to wash, clean her teeth, brush her hair, clean her ears, wear clean clothes, get dressed or even get out of bed. This morning is a classic example of what usually happens........
6:30am i go into her room and tell her Time to get up bear. I make sure she is awake, I go downstairs and stick kettle on and make lunches.
6:40 Knock on her door. Holly. its time to get up. she replies that she is up shes getting dressed. I go back downstairs and drink the coffee I made.
6:50 tell holly to hurry up, I go into my 6yr olds room and he is awake playing on his DS. so i tell him morning monkey, go and get your breakfast. He goes downstairs and makes his own breakfast and starts to eat it, I get dressed
7:00 go into hollys room. she's lying on her bed with her underwear on. HOLLY HURRY UP! I go downstairs and tell Owen to get his teeth brushed, wash his face and get dressed.
7:15 Owen is clean, dressed and sat on the sofa with a drink, i tell him to go and change his top as its dirty. he comes back down with a clean top. I stick the tv on coz he has gotten dressed and ready for school. go back upstairs only to find holly is still not fully dressed. she is in fact now sitting on the end of her bed kicking it. Holly get dressed. walk out the room
7:30 Go back into hollys room to find she has got her underwear and now socks as well on. walk out.
7:45 go into hollys room again to find she now has her trousers on. walk out.
8:00 Holly comes downstairs dressed. I say well done holly now have you brushed your hair? she says no. have you washed your face? she says no. have you brushed your teeth? she says no. well go and do it. she says but i'm hungry. holly go and clean otherwise you wont have time after you eat your breakfast. she stamps her foot and crosses her arms and shouts NO! So I look at her and quietly say Now. she turns and runs upstairs and slams the bathroom door.
8:30 Holly has locked herself in the bathroom and we have to leave. I ask her to open it and she shouts no, i ask her if she has gotten clean and she shouts no. so I tell her that she had better move away from the bathroom door otherwise she will get hurt. she shouts no. at this point Hubby comes and tells her to move away from the door and kicks it in. bathroom is open. holly is sat on the loo refusing to move. I pick up the flannel and give it to her. she throws it on the floor. i say "Fine then, smell, see if I care. all the kids at school are going to call you stinky holly." surprisingly she washes her face and brushes her teeth.
8:45 holly is downstairs. expecting breakfast. I have made her toast as she can eat that in the car and she is meant to be in school now. so tell her its toast again and ask if she brushed her hair. she says no, I cant find the hairbrush( Thats right in front of her on the table).
At this point I am close to screaming. I grab the brush and put up her hair.
9:00 we get in the car.
9:05 we get out the car and holly runs back into the house because she has forgotten her glasses that i told her to get just before we left.
9:10 back in the car
9:25 at the school and holly has forgotten her book bag and lunch box.
I apologize for being late and explain that holly wouldnt get dressed...to which she replied "Yes I did you just didnt wake me up early enough" thankfully my son turned around and said "dont lie holly, mum's been trying to wake you up since half 6 (he can tell the time bless him) the receptionist looks at me and holly runs into school.

Now for most kids doing this, its because the child does not like the school. Holly actually loves it. she does this EVERY DAY! Even on a weekend when we are going out for a day trip!
she has a reward chart, she has a list to read in the mornings, we have tried sending her to bed earlier, we have grounded her, taken away sweets and some toys, we have praised her when she gets ready quickly but thats only when she feels like it. I asked her why she took so long to get ready this morning and do you know what her excuse was? I was doing my morning stretches.
tuesday it was, I couldnt find matching underwear
Monday was I was cold so I wanted to stay in bed. I cant win :( I know its a long post but please. I really need some advice.

[apatchylass]

Definitely take her in PJs with her stuff in a bag. But not angrily, just in a matter of fact, 'we have to be at school and this is how you have decided to prepare for school today' tone of voice.Or (as I have done) leave her at home with daddy while you and DS leave at a calmly reasonable time. Again, without any hissy fits. Just this is the way things are. Then let her be signed in late when you return to get her.

Wonder if your DH would chose the PJ option if he had responsibility for her getting to school on time.

But instead of turning it into a battle, just chat it through with her. Explain it has become a really big issue and there are more fun things to focus on. Ask her what she thinks might help - laying clothes out the night before? A new musical toothbrush and different toothpaste? A much shorter haircut? Get her to help with the problem solving and then work with her to get it sorted.

A timer might help, especially coupled with rewards. Set timer for five mins, and say if she can get her pre-laid out clothes on in that time, there'll be waffles for breakfast. If she can't, not to worry, reset it and when she's dressed in the next five mins, there'll be time for cereal.

[CatsAndTheirPizza]

I would try to make it less of an issue for a bit by helping her and babying her a bit. She'll get sick of it in a week or two if she is 8. Once something becomes an issue like this, things can get very fraught.

Are you sure there isn't something about school she is worried about? One of my sons was like this for a bit - happened to be when he had a certain, rather rubbish and shouty, teacher. Once the new year started, he was fine and is now up and dressed before I'm even awake.

[CatsAndTheirPizza]

Sorry, 9, not 8.