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Ten yr old saying suicidal things

12 replies

flybynight · 18/10/2012 19:19

I'm a bit shaky typing this on my iPhone so apologies. My ten yr old (my second of four) has been showing quite challenging behaviour for the past couple of years. Getting in trouble at school, lying a lot, sometimes stealing, being flagrantly disrespectful. Last school year, we saw a psychologist a few times, as his behaviour was getting out of hand but could only do it in school time so we discontinued that.

Tonight, he threw an an absolute wobbly because his house on minecraft had been burned down (by his sister it transpired). He threw furniture, attacked his older brother, pushed his sister (8) downstairs (I caught her), intimidated his hysterical two yr old sister and threw his dinner across the kitchen. A bit extreme, all things considered. DH meantime is 200 miles away and I have no family for support. The joy.

Anyway, at the end of this - I had him restrained on the stairs at this point - he starts shouting that he hates himself and hopes he doesn't live til 20 because he couldn't stand it if he did.

I'm a bit at sea with this. I've calmed him down, cuddled him and reassured him as best I can. He's watching Top Gear at the moment. God bless Jeremy Clarkson. I never thought I'd say that.

But what now? He is a real attention seeker. How seriously do I take it? Whisk him down the GP tomorrow? CAMHS takes six months minimum to kick in, that much I know.

Any advice? Hope this makes sense. Now I have to get the 2 yr old in bed but I'll be back.

OP posts:
Sastra · 18/10/2012 19:25

Im sorry to hear you snd your family are experiencing some difficulties. Is you currently being seen by CAMHS?

flybynight · 18/10/2012 19:30

No. My eldest has Aspergers tendencies so I've had dealings with them before. Waiting lists are incredibly long.

OP posts:
Witchety · 18/10/2012 19:32

An organisation called 'young minds' could help, google them

Or ask parentline for advice?

Good luck and hang on in there.

Sastra · 18/10/2012 19:36

They can be, I'm afraid, but worth getting on.

It's interesting you mention your eldest having ASD, and that you have a littlie, and that your 10 yo is an "attention seeker". I'd be surprised if its not all related. I'd encourage you to see your GP for a CAMHS referral. But for now, continue with the hugs and try and reframe the behaviour as "supervision seeking", rather than attention seeking, of that makes sense.

Difficult to give much more advice without knowing your family, but you're doing the right thing and you have my sympathy in what sounds like a tough situation.

thewhistler · 18/10/2012 19:38

Really sorry to hear this. Poor all of you.

Gp for urgent referral. They normally try to keep some spaces for youngsters seriously at risk and his age might suggest that, not just because of the mention if suicide but because of his violence to his sister.At very least gp might be able to suggest other places as well.

Sastra · 18/10/2012 19:44

I'm afraid that in my experience it doesn't work like that, thewhistler (though perhaps other trusts I've not worked in have different policies), but it reminds me that I should point out OP (dramatic as it may sound) that if you have concerns for his immediate safety then you should take him to A&E (yes, it is a medical emergency).

MaryZed · 18/10/2012 19:45

You need to go and talk to your gp. Sometimes gp's can speed up referrals if a child is suicidal or self-harming.

Take it seriously, but try not to worry yourself sick. If he is verbalising it, that is something.

When I read the first paragraph of your post it sounded like my ds1 who also has Asperger's, so it is worth getting him on the CAHMS waiting list asap. I remember a talk by Tony Attwood explaining why kids on the autistic spectrum find anger the easiest emotion to express, and the most satisfying. There are some comments on anger here but what I found interesting is that ds could go from 0 to 10 on the anger scale and back again, almost instantaneously, which baffled me.

How do they deal with him in school? Because I found that ds would cope in school, then arrive home wound up really tight so the smallest thing would set him off.

I'll offer you the same advice I have just given on another thread too - consider getting a punch bag, a drum set or a trampoline. ds1 eventually learned to walk out, punch a punch bag while he got his brain in gear, and then come back in and express his fury in words.

thewhistler · 18/10/2012 20:07

Ps, it sounds as if school might be one of the causes. Yes, attention seeking but maybe for a cause? Is someone being foul to him? And has been for all last year too?

flybynight · 18/10/2012 20:17

No immediate concerns tonight. He is being as gentle as a lamb now. But I'm going to make an emergency appointment with the GP tomorrow.

We can't continue like this (my good Lord, he just brought me a cup of tea and a chocolate biscuit. He MUST know he's overstepped the mark). He is so unhappy and I'm getting depressed.

Thanks for your advice. I don't think he has Aspergers tendencies but I wouldn't be surprised if he is a bit ADHD as he is very impulsive and needs constant stimulation.

OP posts:
thewhistler · 19/10/2012 15:15

Ps, I speak from exoerience. When school is ok to him, Ds is fine. When it is not he is not, in terms. He takes it out on my DH big time.

lljkk · 21/10/2012 16:32

I second what TheWhistler said.

thewhistler · 21/10/2012 19:18

The point I made about trying to for in emergencies is because that is what my la's facilities, run alongside the pct's, do.

We got speeded up and specialist referral because Ds has complex medical needs and the consultants had written appropriately. We would still be on the waiting list for the more general one, because they do try to prioritise and maintain a little slack or juggle if it is needed.

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