Termination for Down syndrome - heartbroken

[Giantguineapig]

Name change for privacy.

I'm at the end of my first trimester, and I've had an NIPT, which shows a very high risk of Down syndrome. I'm waiting for some more invasive testing to confirm, but I've been told that with the new NIPTs, the likehood of it being incorrect is very very low.

I'm sure that termination is the right decision for us. I've worked with adults who are very disabled in the past, and I know that you can lead a fulfilling life with serious disability, but I've also seen how hard things can be for parents of disabled adults. I know that people with Down syndrome can be healthy, but I also am aware of the risks, and that path is just not for me.

This is pregnancy was probably also my last chance to have another child. I've been struggling with infertility, getting older, and not sure I want to go back again.

I don't know what I'm hoping to achieve by posting. I'm just miserable.

[Giantguineapig]

I played Tears in Heaven for him yesterday. That was the song that I sang to him as I held him. The next song that my playlist threw up was Sailing, which I've not really heard before.

I am sailing
I am sailing
Home again
'Cross the sea
I am sailing
Stormy waters
To be near you
To be free
I am flying
I am flying
Like a bird
'Cross the sky
I am flying
Passing high clouds
To be near you
To be free

Sail on, my beloved boy.

[mamaoffourdc]

Sending huge amounts of love to you x

[RainMoon]

@Giantguineapig
I sang along in my head for you when you posted the sailing song.
So much love sent

[sickofthisyear]

@Giantguineapig I hope you're managing ok over Christmas? I've found it very up and down.Thinking of you- and anyone else in this situation.

[Zanina]

Just reading this thread as I am currently waiting for an amnio. The responses on this thread (apart from the shit ones) have been very well written.

OP thinking of you and wish you the best xxx

[NTScannegative]

I gave birth to my son with Down syndrome a few months ago and ended up doing a ton of research as I had low chance but was never offered the nipt test, just the other basic ones. After thorough research finding the good and bad I decided to place him for adoption as I didn’t want my toddler daughter growing up with a sibling that would potentially become a burden on her. I spoke with others who have been in the same position and they all have contact with their birth children and all even 8 years in are non verbal and have no understanding of their adoptions which says quite a lot about their levels of cognitive functioning. I think all the happy DS stories on the media are the minority. I 100% would have had a termination if I had known in advance as I know the grief from that would be way less than the grief I’m experiencing now. I think you made the right decision. Look up the mother on Reddit who wishes she could go back and choose termination for her non verbal 6 year old Down syndrome son. She listened to the rainbows and unicorns stories that a lot of those in the DS community push on expectant moms. She regrets it completely. I hope you’re doing okay and just know you made the best decision you could have in the position you found yourself in. Hugs

[Smackndh]

Down syndrome is named after John Langdon Down, a British physician who was the first to classify the condition in 1866.
John Langdon Down began his career as chief physician of Earlswood, an institution for people with intellectual and developmental disabilities.
Prior to Earlswood, John Down had no experience caring for people with these types of disabilities.
But something about them interested him.
He saw their value and their humanity in a time when others didn’t. He genuinely enjoyed being around them, and he became infuriated by the way they were treated.
Corporal punishment was common, there was poor hygiene, high mortality rates, and nothing enjoyable or worthwhile for the patients to do.
John Langdon Down insisted on change.
He hired all new staff, demanded proper care and hygiene, prohibited punishment, and offered crafts and hobbies to his patients.
He took beautiful portraits of his patients, dressing them in their nicest gowns and suits, and posing them in flattering ways.
He used this portrait collection of over 200 photos to support his clinical description of Down syndrome, pointing out the physical features he noticed as well as the other clinical observations he made.

In 1868, he bought a large white mansion as a home for people with Down syndrome, rather than an “institution”.
He ensured that the mansion met the highest standards of comfort and hygiene.
All people who were brought to the mansion were privately educated.
They were taught to ride horses, garden, and craft.
Creative outlets were provided and he had a small theater built as an additon to the mansion.
This mansion was called Normansfield, and is still around today in the UK.
Now, it is named The Langdon Down Center and Normansfield Theater.

So “Down” has nothing to do with delays, or disposition, or prognosis of the syndrome. It’s just named after a really, really cool person.!

[NoSki]

@YouSuck5858484 dont be an arsehole to people going through very traumatic times making the right decision for them. Posting on an old thread just to inflame people. You are not a good person. You are not nice. You are not helping anyone.