Think Im having a missed MC. Pl can you share your experiences?

[sh77]

Hi everyone

Last wednesday night, I noticed some brown discharge. Went to EPU thursday morning. Sonographer said baby only measuring 5-6 weeks (np heartbeat) but going by LMP, I am 9 weeks. I have to go back on 9th Nov for follow up.

I haven't a clue what is going on. I have had some mild period type cramps but nothing bad. The bleeding is stop start - since first bleed, I have have noticed blood 3 times in the mornings, but again, nothing major. It has become more red.

Had HCG blood test - 44,500 yesterday. Follow up one tomorrow will tell me what is going on I reckon.

Surely heavy bleed or cramps (natural MC) would have kicked in if baby died 3-4 weeks ago??

Would be grateful if anyone could share their experiences. Many thanks.

[sh77]

Boo - there is an interesting recent thread in the miscarriage/loss section of body and sould about private tests. The lady who started it gave her email ad if anyone wanted to know the full list of tests she had.

LadyG - no need to apologise at all. I hope you are feeling better. I think I am going to wait it out until Sun eve before making an appointment.

[LadyGaGaGoo]

Sh77 thank you for your kind words and to everyone else too, i really appreciate it. sorry about the slightly hysterical post before, i am just emotional and was wanting to talk to someone as I feel so down.
Will be thinking of you tomorrow and i think you have made the right decision for yourself. All the very best xxx

[BooPen]

Sh77 - I wish you well in this very tough time, I hope things begin to brighten for you very soon.

We have begun tests to try and see if there is anything underlying our difficulties, but it's slow work. We are going to go private to try and speed things along. My DP has children already so I'm worried it's probably me if anything. We're taking a break from TTC - I just can't face any more heartache for a while!

Keep your chin up, I'll be thinking of you x

[willitbe]

sh77 - I am glad that the posts here have helped you decide the best route for you. It is hard to be waiting, and you have suffered long enough. I hope that things go smoothly and know I am thinking about you.

[sh77]

Neeko thanks for thinking of me again and for posting throughout.

BooPen - I haven't cried today until reading the new posts on this thread. I can't say enough how much I appreciate your post. I am sorry you had to go through this more than once. Have you had any tests to establish the cause of your MCs?

LadyG - sorry you are experiencing the same too. This is not your fault at all. You didn't make this happen. I think any woman with a child under one would be worried about coping. As I wrote earlier, I took no risks and just stayed at home hoping to get through 1st tri safely but it didn't happen. Some women take risks and have healthy babies. Nobody, all the money in the world or best medical attention can control the outcome of a pregnancy. As defeatist as it sounds, I really believe that. What I think about why the past 6 months have been like hell for me is a long conversation...

Still no sign of bleeding or cramps for me. I will call in the morning to arrange the ERPC. I think today's posts have made me decide that ERPC is the best route. I can't go on any longer staying in bed watching rubbish TV. My brain is turning to mush! Although I am looking forward to Octomum (about the US lady who had octuplets and had 6 kids already) on Channel 4 tomorrow night. For some reason there has been much focus on preg related issues on TV this week or maybe I am just paying too much attention to the TV listings.

Lots of love to you all. xx

[Neeko]

LadyGaGaGoo I'm so sorry for your loss but this is in no way your fault. A MMC is horrible and I know I felt a sense of failure that I hadn't known what happened to my child. Anger and guilt are part of the grieving process and there's no time limit to recovering from this.
Do what feels right for you. Allow yourself to cry, scream and shout as much as you want to. Try to take strength from your DH and DS and be kind to yourself.

If any of you are interested there's a fantastic Emmsy thread in conception where all the girls are in various stages of TTC, pregnancy and even a few new mums. All the women on there have had at least one MC and their support has been invaluable to me since my MC in March and through this pg so far. You're welcome to join us if you need the support. (We're all a bit daft at times too which helps!)

[BooPen]

Hi LadyG, I'm so sorry for your loss.
You are not to blame so please don't feel any guilt. What you are going through is awful and I send you my very best wishes x

[LadyGaGaGoo]

I'm sorry to butt in and post here too but I'm currently having a MMC and am devastated.
12 week scan was due tomorrow, started bleeding yesterday and scan revealed the baby died around 8-9 weeks.
Found the emergency gynae unit not the most caring or sympathetic of places, I think they thought I was making a big fuss because still in first trimester.
I would have gone for the ERPC but started bleeding heavily last night. It is horrible horrible horrible.
Also I am paralysed with guilt though. DH had been so excited, and in some ways much more than me (I was worried because we have a DS who is not even a year yet and not sure how I would cope). So I now feel that I am to blame. If I was DH I would turn round and say 'you weren't over the moon.." (not that he has)
Sorry - this is not a very positive post. I have just been crying all day. Feel very down.

[BooPen]

I am so sorry for you Sh77, I have never posted on mumsnet before but wanted to let you know I am thinking of you and wishing your much better times ahead.

I have had 4 miscarriages myself, and the 1st was missed - it was picked up at 10 weeks and the pregancy had stopped at 6 weeks. I had an ERPC as I couldn't face wondering every day if that would be 'the day' it started. The next 3 all started spontaneously between 6 and 8 weeks, and I wish I could have had ERPCs for each one.
I know we are all different but I have found passing the clots very traumatic and a horrible and very regular reminder of our loss.

Look after yourself and take the time you need to heal and grieve.
x

[Neeko]

Sh77 Really at how it all worked out for you. I hope that one day when you're ready you'll be pregnant again and will have everything you've dreamed of. It sounds like you have good RL support, but remember there'll always be support on here. Take care and be kind to yourself. You've had a hell of a year and clearly deserve better. xx

[sh77]

Thanks Jollster.

Well, the visit to EPU confirmed what I already knew and so was wasn't surprised. I didn't cry when she told me. I am tired from crying. Sonographer couldn't see much in the sac but 10 days earlier could see baby measuring 5-6 weeks. She was kind enough to advise us about karyotyping and took our bloods. I thought this was something only offered to those who had recurrent MCs.

I am still hoping for a natural loss but there is little sign of that happening. If nothing happens by the weekend then I will go in for the ERPC. On the miscarriage/preg loss thread, I saw some posts about how natural loss pain can be like labour pain and that freaked the hell out of me.

My husband works in Frankfurt and so he stayed 3 days with me. He really lifted my spirits - still feeling low but not quite on the bottom rung. Accepting that I can't control the outcome of my pregnancies makes it easier to deal with. From the start of this pregnancy, we tried not have too many expectations or talk about names, delivery, boy/girl, baby things etc as we were acutely aware things may not work out. That too helped because every day that I got through fine was a bonus. I never felt so angry as I feel right now and hope it doesn't make me bitter and cynical towards life. I may not have my baby/ies but I have a lot to be grateful for.

Thank you all for your advice and kindness. It really helped. xxx

[randomimposter]

sh77 wondered how you were doing?

[BiscuitStuffer]

I understand the sqeamish thing - I get very anxious myself. A friend of mine discovered that she had a MMC at her 12 week scan but chose to let things carry on naturally as she is terrified of medical intervention. She ended up having an ERPC at 17 weeks in the end. She had hers done under local and it was listening to her that made me go for it myself. We both found it much much better than we had imagined. In some ways I think our imagination is our worst enemy.

I completely understand that you want to go for a general though and I also understand that you just want to get things sorted. I am usually a very upbeat person and I found that I was feeling curiously flat and miserable after finding out about the MMC even though I was fine about it and very pragmatic. It's just all complicated I think.

My friend is now due again next week

[randomimposter]

sh77 will be thinking of you tomorrow, am SO sorry it seems to be taking so long. That must make it so much extra hard.

You sound like me, in terms of not wanting to know all the ins and outs as it were... My ERPC as I say was fine... I DID have to have a pessary pre-op to "ripen" the cervix, as baby was quite big , which was fine (much less painful than a smear) but other than that I felt nothing. Anaethatist was lovely, consultant also.

I was crying when I came too in recovery... that was strange and sad. But I felt ok really fast. I do have moments (short and long!) of sad regret about my lost baby, but hope to conceive another soon.

Take care, and it sounds as though you are getting much love and support in RL.

[Neeko]

sh77 Really sorry your news wasn't better. Hope you get through tomorrow's scan ok and can make a decision about whether or not to have the ERPC.
FWIW I had one in March and it was fine.

I'm so sorry you've had such an awful year. Be kind to yourself and take care.

[Kitchens]

I've had 3 miscarriages. 2 of them I had let come away naturally. Prefer to do it that way personally. Seems less medical. Very upsetting but nicer in a way than having a medical EPRC and a general A.

I really feel for you.

[sh77]

Hi Biscuit
No appointment as yet. I have my second scan tomorrow which will just confirm what I already know. I just want it to be over this week. I am surprised as to how long it is taking for things to progress naturally if the baby died 4-5 weeks ago.
General it is! I am very squeamish about being interfered with and so would rather not see or know what is going on....
xx

[BiscuitStuffer]

Hi There - no it would all be done under anaesthetic in that case and they use something else to open your cervix. I think you would be asked not to have food or drink from 9pm the night before or something depending on when you are booked in.

Have you got an appointment already?

xxxx

[sh77]

Biscuit and jollster

Thanks you for your thoughtful posts, especially for oulining the procedure.

Biscuit - under a general (i think i will be opting for that) do i have to go through part one before the anesthetic or is it anesthetic and the whole procedure?

I only had a little bit of bleeding today but it looks like it is picking up. The longer this goes on, the sadder I am feeling about everything. I can get my head around the MC but am really struggling with the fact that something so awful happened so soon. It is pointless asking 'why me' as I can't answer it but I just wonder if this is going to lead me into some sort of depression. I think I am more resilient to be honest as I don't like to dwell on things but my emptiness and sadnesses has been magnified and the progress I made since losing my daughter has been shot to pieces. I am back where I started except it's a worse place. Hopefully, I will have physical closure next week.

I really am moved by the support of everyone who responded and followed this thread. Lots of love to you all. x

[BiscuitStuffer]

It's me again - I'm sorry that my posts have been so quick and to the point but I just want to say that I really am so sorry that this has happened to you. It's a dreadful shock isn't it and then at the end of it all it becomes so 'gynae orientated' - it's just miserable.

[randomimposter]

sh77 am so sad reading your thread - am so sorry.

I had a MMC in August - at my first scan at 13 weeks, the baby had died at 11+6. I had an ERPC under general 48 hours later, as had had NO bleeding at all, and needed to "move on" as have a 15 month old.

I am an absolute ostrich when it comes to medical stuff (stick head in sand)... and generally would avoid any procedure like the plague. Am also squeamish and a right wimp about things... BUT I have to say the ERPC was ABSOLUTELY fine, and I recovered really quickly. I felt fine in less than 24 hours, and bleeding stopped in a couple of days. I just knew I wouldn't be able to deal with passing naturally.

If I have to make this decision again, I would go ERPC again.

I wish you a speedy and safe resolution and a journey to happier times soon.

[BiscuitStuffer]

The procedure is split in to 2 parts. you go for 9am ish and using a speculum (like they do in a smear test) they insert a thin tube in to the centre of your cervix (in through the hole). It takes seconds to do. The tube is made of seaweed and absorbs water from your body which makes it fatter, therefore forcing your cervix to dilate. I couldn't feel this being done at all. You can have mild period pain while your cervix is widening apparently but I didn't.

You then go off for 3-4 hours while it does it's thing and you're allowed to drink black tea or black coffee or water. No Food.

Part 2:
You go back in and they take your blood pressure etc and then again you undress down to your waist. You can take anyone you like in with you and keep your socks on! They use a speculum again and the assistant scans you from the outside while the consultant actually does the procedure.

So, speculum in, they remove the little tube they put in earlier (which I couldn't feel them do) and inject a local anaesthetic in to your cervix (this is the local anaesthetic that you get). They warn you it will feel like a sharp scratch and then go numb almost immediately but again I didn't notice it.

Then they insert the small tube that they suction the tissue out with. I thought it was going to be an electrical powered suction thing but it sounded like a hand held squzzy thing. There was no pain or sensation of any kind initially and then it turned in to mild period pain and built up to medium pain. It was just starting to feel more painful when she said that it was all done. Quick internal scan and speculum out and it was all done. The actual suction bit takes 3-4 minutes maximum. I wouldn't hesitate to do it again that way if needs be.

xxxx

[sh77]

Thanks for the advice biscuit. How does the local workd - is it a spinal?

I have had no more bleeding or cramps and so this will be a long and drawn out affair if I don't have the ERPC. I don't have any strength to carry on freaking out at every twinge.

[BiscuitStuffer]

If it's an option at your hospital, I can recommend an ERPC under local rather than general. I had one today at 10.5 weeks and it was absolutely fine. i was back home an hour and a half after I'd arrived at the hospital and feeling totally normal within 15 mins of the procedure. Not normal prior to that was because I was feeling a bit shell shocked that it was over and i'd been SO nervous that my heart had been pounding for the best part of the morning and night before.

[J33nco]

I am so sorry it turned out this way. With my mmc I had to have an ERPC as it was so far along (baby died 8wks but not spotted till 12wks) and despite being petrified in retrospect I am very pleased I had to go down this route. I found that it made my ability to move on easier (if that's possible). Once I came round from the op I knew it was time to focus on my body recovering. I dont think I could have handled knicker watching for potentially several weeks or the fear of feeling passing my baby.
With my 2nd pregnancy I thought I had a failing preg & when offered natural vs ERPC I had no doubt about going down ERPC route.
Infection is very rare and eaily solveable if it happens.