Obese and worried about the midwives

[Misty642]

Hi, I'm pregnant and my bmi is currently 48. I'm terrified of the midwives and doctors being nasty along the way. I was trying to lose weight before we got pregnant, but it's happened and I'm over the moon.

Can anyone share any positive stories to out my mind at rest as I'm scared.

Thank you

[NaiceUser]

@Misty642

Hi, I'm pregnant and my bmi is currently 48. I'm terrified of the midwives and doctors being nasty along the way. I was trying to lose weight before we got pregnant, but it's happened and I'm over the moon.

Can anyone share any positive stories to out my mind at rest as I'm scared.

Thank you

Not one of them was nasty to me. You have to remember that a lot more is understood about possible causes behind obesity and that it's not always lifestyle. My obesity is contributed to considerably by being on prescribed steroids due to Osteoarthritis and having no thyroid function whatsoever. For some it's genetics which unless you become an athlete or a body builder, is almost impossible to overcome those genes.
Also worth remembering that you most certainly won’t be the first nor the only obese mother there, probably that day.

[AimeeLou84]

Hey hun. I’m currently 24 weeks pregnant and my BMI was over 40 before I got pregnant. I’ll be totally honest about how I’ve been treated. My weight has been an issue for scans and getting clear pictures of the baby but not once have they bought it up with me, I only know it’s been an issue as I googled a term they used on my notes.
My first midwife appointment they raised the issue of having a high BMI and that due to this and my age (39) I’ll be having extra checks. Brilliant, I’m all for that to be honest! Since that first appointment they’ve not mentioned anything about my weight. They just want you to have the healthiest and easiest pregnancy possible. Anyone deserves to get pregnant and have a baby, no matter what size you are.
try to enjoy it feel lucky to have a human growing inside of you. Sod what anyone else says or thinks, they aren’t the one going through it. Hope you have an amazing pregnancy x

[SPsmama]

I'm 23 weeks with my second. BMI 40 at booking both times. I get that I might be in the minority here, but my weight has never even been mentioned as a negative.

With my first it meant I had to have an internal scan at 12 weeks as they couldn't get a clear image. With this one they managed externally.

I've had gestational diabetes in both pregnancies, which although miserable at the time, I've been lighter at birth than I was at booking 🤣

[Misty642]

Thank you ladies, you've really helped settle my anxiety. I carry most of my weight on my bottom half, so I'm hoping scans won't be too much of an issue (I get that they can still be).

Thank you again!!

[PickledScrump]

No one should be nasty about anything. You will likely be under consultant care and have extra check throughout your pregnancy and scans might be harder, but no one should say anything horrible to you. They see women of all sizes all the time.

[LovelyBitOfSquirrelll]

Hi OP, if you are on Facebook, I recommend joining the private group “the heavyweight midwife”. I have found it very useful and lots of positive stories on there. Congratulations x

[Sara1988]

Also, if anyone is unpleasant please make a formal complaint and remember you can ask for another midwife.
One had my mother in tears (over her age, not weight) when she had my little brother and to this day she regrets not reporting.

[Misty642]

Thank you

[Redruby2020]

Mixed experience with being obese, I had the consultant who was prodding around on the day I had my baby, looking at the screen with another member of staff and say this is such an such, and the rest is fat. I think that was disgusting but not completely surprised.

[WhereIsMyLight]

I found the midwives and health care assistants generally to be lovely. One of the health care assistants went out of her way to print off some resources for breastfeeding positions for women with large breasts. I had one ultrasound tech who said they couldn’t see anything because of the fat on my stomach but that was at the very early scan stages, they didn’t have a problem after that. I was consultant led because of my weight and I had one consultant at the end, who said I’d definitely have a c-section and because of my size they would struggle to position the spinal so I should get the consultant in sooner rather than later, I would definitely need support from the big brass and they were busy people. The other consultants along the way were almost bordering on uninterested.

I found the GP worse. Not because of my size but just because I was pregnant and their reluctance to prescribe me anything at all because I was pregnant.

I was automatically referred for the glucose tolerance test, I was diagnosed with GD which controlled a few other decisions but it was fine. I was told I couldn’t have a water birth and when I gave birth I had to have a cannula in the entire time because of my size. I was also referred by default for extra growth scans.

I had an induction (partly GD related, partly reduced movements which were absolutely fine). I had a vaginal birth with no interventions and didn’t get an epidural. They needed to get the consultant in to put the cannula but other than that I didn’t see the consultant. They kept telling me my baby would be big, emphasising they’d have a big head (because that’s particularly helpful) but they were average size just long (and with a big head).

I found because I was fat anyway, nobody touched my stomach. Which was a relief. Nobody also wanted to make a comment that I was pregnant. People would side-eye my stomach/bump and try to work out if I was pregnant but nobody actually wanted to ask. The only people who knew I was pregnant were people I told.

[HowDoYouSolveAProblemLikeMyRear]

I'm obese. I think it's worth being prepared for them to need to talk about the ways in which pregnancy and labour will have to be managed differently because of your weight.

IME this was always put kindly and not judgementally. But if you're sensitive about your weight, and with the added hormones of pregnancy, it can be a potentially sensitive conversation.

It was helpful that my husband is very strong. Knowing he could take my weight meant that I could safely use the birthing pool, for example, which really helped to make the pain manageable.

The unexpected bonus is that, because larger people are often used to aches and pains, you may well cope with the discomforts of pregnancy better than some slimmer people :)

[YireosDodeAver]

Midwives themselves come in all shapes and sizes. Some of them will be obese too. Their priority is your baby's and your own health and wellbeing. if they do say anything about your weight it will only be about trying to ask if there's anything they can do to support you not judging you or criticising. However it's not a good idea to actively try to lose weight during pregnancy - you need good balanced nutrition for your baby to be healthy.

[cinnamonbiscuit]

I've had two babies now at BMI between 35-43, and have had a really positive experience with midwives regarding my weight. It has only ever been discussed in a factual way, e.g. because your BMI is above 35, there is an increased risk of XYZ and so we usually do A and B to try and prevent it.

I've never felt remotely judged for my weight, and tbh it has never impacted me negatively either, I was lucky not to have any complications other than slightly high blood pressure at times.

After going through the whole thing twice I now feel glad that I was given extra monitoring for certain things due to BMI, I felt very well looked after. The vast majority of midwives are following guidelines because they want better outcomes for the women and babies they are caring for. If you do happen to get one that you feel is rude or unhelpful when it comes to issues surrounding BMI etc then you should complain or ask to see someone else, but hopefully you will not encounter this.

Would suggest finding a Plus size pregnancy group on Facebook as there you can see how many other women with higher BMI have healthy pregnancies and good experiences, I found this very calming! Best of luck with it all!

[Marghogeth]

For my 4th pregnancy my BMI was 40 (I was also 46). My midwife was pregnant, heavier than me, said the NHS over emphasised the health risks, and was looking forward to her home birth. She gave me confidence.

[BagOfBollocks]

@Redruby2020

Mixed experience with being obese, I had the consultant who was prodding around on the day I had my baby, looking at the screen with another member of staff and say this is such an such, and the rest is fat. I think that was disgusting but not completely surprised.

That was factually correct, not some sort of moral judgement.

[Figment1982]

My BMI was 46 when I became pregnant. Of course, my weight factored into decisions (along with other risk factors such as age) made along the way e.g. consultant-led pregnancy, and scans were more difficult to get a good picture. But at every single point I was treated with kindness and compassion, and not judged at all.

[izimbra]

Congratulations OP!

Can I recommend this midwife on social media?

https://www.tiktok.com/@theheavyweightmidwifee*?t=8l3X6XSliYC&&_r=1

She supports plus size mums in getting the care they want and deserve.

Also Big Birthers group on Facebook.

You need to get empowered and talking to other plus size mums will help you get informed about what options are there for you when it comes to your birth

[NaiceUser]

@LovelyBitOfSquirrelll

Hi OP, if you are on Facebook, I recommend joining the private group “the heavyweight midwife”. I have found it very useful and lots of positive stories on there. Congratulations x

How patronising & other-ing (the group, not you @LovelyBitOfSquirrelll)

[Andarna]

Nobody was nasty about it, but is was harder to do the scans. When I asked if I had a higher chance of a c section due to a different medical issue the gyneacologist said something along the lines of "not because of that but your higher weight does make the probability higher". I did end up having a c section due to a completely different reason.

[izimbra]

@NaiceUser - sorry I don't agree.

There's evidence from maternity reasearch that pregnant women with a higher BMI are sometimes struggling to access truly individualised care and access to maternity choices that are important to them, and that this can vary across providers.

The TikTok link I gave was to a specialist midwife with a good grasp of the evidence around obesity and pregnancy/birth, and that this sort of information can be very hard for women to seek out on their own. The FB group is for women with higher BMI looking for support and input from other larger women negotiating their way through the maternity system. Neither is 'othering'. Both seek to inform and empower.

[Redruby2020]

@BagOfBollocks
The way it was said and her face was not very nice.
Particularly as i was very distressed having had the Canula inserted incorrectly and they hit a nerve, and the pain and feeling that shot through my leg, it was done at least 2/3 times.
Then the panic because they had used the drip to induce contractions and my babies heart rate dropped dramatically.
So I had to have an emergency caesarean.

No it wasn't the best experience.

[mrsed1987]

Hi, I'm 37 +5 and my bmi was 40 when booked. I was going to be under consultant care but then got diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 26 weeks anyway.

I've not had any issues with my scans they have all been clear.

Consultants have talked alot about risk due to my bmi and age (I'm 36) but last week agreed I could have a water birth in the midwife led unit if I go in to labour spontaneously.